Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

me and dp had a row yesterday, aibu still being off with him?

8 replies

familyfun · 18/05/2012 13:38

dp has history for having a lot of hobbies and going out a lot.
im a sahm to our 2 dcs (4 and 1).

sun he went to the last match of the football season so was out 1 till 6ish.
mon night he went out and worked (voluntarily for a small sum) so he got home from work at 4.30 went back back out 6 till 10.
tues he booked dentist straight after work 4.30 then wandered round shop after got home at 6.
wed he had a hobby meeting, booked afternoon off work and went 3 till 10pm.
so basically i had spent all days with dd2 then most evenings doing dinner/bath/bed for dcs then been alone.
thurs i asked him about the evening and he said a friend had asked him to go and help out for charity so he had said yes and was going out 6 till 10.30ish.

i went ape shit, told him he was selfish, had been out all week, i had no time to myself and he should have said no and thought about seeing kids and me.
he said he shouldnt have to give up hobbies/turn down friends/charity work and that i was out of order and i can go out next week as he isnt going out (i can guarantee he will go out at least to the gym or golf or both next week), so basically he wants me to go out next week and we will never have family time.

i swore at him i was so angry and he says i spoke to him terribly and he would never speak to me like that and i was wrong and want to deny him hobbies.

i am still so angry i havent spoken to him and cant be arsed. i dont feel like he gives a shit about me being stuck in all the time and he takes it forgranted i will always look after kids at short notice.

im going to find a regular hobby and tell him i will be out that night every week, preferably at dinner time.

aibu to still be angry or did i lose all rights by swearing at him?

OP posts:
mumeeee · 18/05/2012 13:42

YANBU for being angry with him bit you should not have sworn at him. You need to sit down toggther and sort out something.

familyfun · 18/05/2012 13:45

its hard to sort out when he was being so entitled.
if he had said sorry its been a shit week, wont happen again, no probs all forgotten. but to say i was denying him hobbies, when does he think i can have hobbies when he is never here to have kids.

yes i know swearing was stupid, i was so angry.

OP posts:
CherryBlossom27 · 18/05/2012 13:58

I don't blame you for being pissed off! You both need time to yourselves for hobbies/me time, time as a whole family and time with just each other, and time with friends. It is hard to fit everything in, that's where compromises sometimes have to be made and your DH needs to realise this. I'd sit down with him and a calendar and see what else he's booked up to do and say what days you want him to keep free....good luck!

CailinDana · 18/05/2012 14:01

YANBU for being annoyed but blowing up over it isn't going to help. I can, however, see why you blew up, with all the bollocks he was spouting about denying him his hobbies. Going out every night when you have children just isn't on IMO.

You need to sit down and have a calm talk about it and the first thing you need to say is that you will be taking him up on his offer and you will be going out every night next week.

familyfun · 18/05/2012 20:19

its not the prebooked stuff i mind so much, i know when his meetings are and can plan around them, but as soon as a friend calls and asks him anywhere he just says yes and doesnt stop to consider how much he has been out/when he will see kids.
yes im going to book some stuff up, dd2 has just stopped bf to sleep so i am more free now and plan to use it.

OP posts:
Gumby · 18/05/2012 20:22

Is your name ironic then? Doesn't sound much fun!

What happens at the weekends?

I think it's sad he doesn't want to see you & the kids & help put them to bed etc

familyfun · 18/05/2012 20:26

no its my normal name Smile
normally he works sat afternoons, we all go out in morn and spend all sunday together.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 18/05/2012 20:44

I'd be fucking furious if my dh did this. He is basically living as though he is a single bloke, with no kids.

You need to tell him that he can be out once or twice a week and no more - if he uses up his time on Sunday and Monday, then it doesn't matter what else crops up in the week, he can't go. I would also stipulate that one of the weekend days has to be spent all together as a family and I would also allocate myself two days/evenings for going out.

He is taking the piss. I hate it when men with dc, just do whatever they want and assume their wives will do all the child care. if he cba to look after his kids, then he shouldn't have had any!

Tbh, I'd also be very concerned that my husband wants to be anywhere else other than home. A definite YANBU from me!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page