To have felt totally impotent? Should I have said something?

[bluebellewood]

My DM is generally kind but outspoken and quite deaf which can be a catostrophic combination.

We meet every Thursday afternoon in a local coffee shop. Yesterday a young couple with a small boy sat near to us. They were very, very overweight to say the least. DM had to move her chair to accomodate the young woman's bottom and spredding theighs, which she was quite happy to do.

The trouble started when the equally large young man arrived with their order.

They consumed extra large hot chocolates with all the extras(whipped cream etc) and chocolate pastries. They encouraged the small boy to eat similar size portions to their own. Even feeding him from a spoon when he refused any more.

My DM was out raged on behalf of the small boy. She fumed that they were ruining his life as they had ruined their own. I tried to silence her comments but they did over hear her. The young woman turned very red and looked hurt. I hustled DM out of the cafe leaving most of my drink.

DM says it is sometimes necessary to be cruel to be kind. I feel it was none of her business and I am loath to take her back again.

It keeps playing on my mind.

Should I have apologised to them?

What would you have done or said to them Bobbledunk?

No retro I do accept that and would never do this myself though I was just pointing out that if u read countless diet magazines like I do that in many cases, as mine, a comment too many about weight often tips people into loosing weight.

Also in this case the mother was,according to the op., almost forcing the child to keep eating when he had clearly had enough.

I am quite aware no one was snaking the child that's illegal and cruel but also making your child obese is just as cruel.

Can I also point out at risk if being flamed I am now 8 stone,
Y immediate group of friends are much larger and I don't comment on their weight but they feel free to be ways teasing me about not eating, throwing up etc, just as personal.

Well done you on your weight loss, thebody!

I'm also a thin girl with a fat girl inside dying to get out, for years it was the other way around, and I have had plenty hurtful comments from friends and family about my weight in the past. It's bad enough coming from people you love and trust, but from total strangers in the street who don't have your best interests at heart and are just mouthing off is a step to far and far from helpful at all.

What we see as "force feeding" the parents may have seen as "making sure he's had his fill". They need educating, not deriding in public. A soft word and a gentle tone is always nicer than a snide remark.

Yes I agree the way she spoke to them was rude and hurtful even if she was right. (Thanks retro by the the way you too)

Also I seem to remember my parents 'making me finish'' my dinner and that was probably wrong too.

Let's hope it has a positive affect on the family not a negative one, also I take the point that your mom was actually lucky to escape a tongue lashing or worse!!!

Bugger now I fancy a massive slice of chocci cake.

My Mum was the same; converse via notebook and pen, or grow a very thick skin!

OP's DM wasnt right. She was making assumptions about them that she had no right to make. It was the height of impertinence for a total stranger to make comments about someone else's parenting especially on the basis of a few minutes observation.

Would the OP's DM like it if people assumptions about her given that she is so ill-mannered as to be unable to keep her views to herself?

Couldn't agree with pictish more. Its seems ok to tell fat people off, but most people wouldn't do to other groups.

Oh. :( That poor family, how awful of your mum. :(

That said, I don't think you apologising would've made one iota of difference. What your mum said was cruel and obviously hurt them, addressing that further will not have helped, I don't think.

The only saving grace (although it was absolutely not her place to involve herself) may be that they take some of her hurtful comments on board and make some changes.

Privately, as a healthy eating devotee, I would have been thinking the same thing - but your mother was boorish, rude and appallingly behaved to voice her opinions so hurtfully and if she was my mother I would tell her so. I seriously doubt her provocative remarks will have given the family pause for thought (I suspect that it is a bit more complex than that)

No I wouldn't worry. She is an adult, not a toddler and although you are related to her you are not responsible for her!

Perhaps rather tell her afterwards how awful you feel when she does something like that.

Should I have apologised to them

No she should have done. My obese next door neighbour stopped going on because of ongoing abuse. Her weight and depression has gotten worse.

Why is this any different than that vile woman who mouthed off about immigrants on the London tube?

Why has anyone got the right to publically humiliate a family, child included?

Of course your mum shouldn't have been so vocal
In her opinion but I understand her rage. If someone has weight issues that is not something to have a go at but these people are giving their weight problems to their poor child by feeding him shit - that makes me disgusted with them tbh