about my friend's new boyfriend?

[StuckintheBellJar]

My friend has started to going out with a very nice man. She seems very happy and I've kept my mouth shut over this so far.

He was dumped quite abruptly by his ex a few weeks before they got together and took it very badly.

The thing his, he has got back in contact with his ex. He's gone for a drink with her and has gone round to her flat a few times. There are no children involved. The reason apparently is that the woman has mental health problems and he's worried about her.

My friend is fine about this but I think she's mad. I wouldn't be fine with this. No matter what happens I'll support her, but should I be ready with the tissues? Should I say something (gently)?

Say something about what ?

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dismissive, I just genuinely don't understand what you're concerned about?

I don't see what the concern is

But if she knows about it what can you say? Would she be receptive to your advice/concerns?

That he'll go back to his ex and my friend will end up heart broken. Just seems like an odd thing for a man to do if that wasn't what he was considering. Or at the very least, keeping is options open.

I think you're projecting your own feelings onto their relationship. You've said that she's fine with it but you wouldn't be. All the time she's fine with it, leave it. Don't stir up jealousy issues where none currently exist.

If the mental health issue has been brought up by HIM I would be very weary that he is just trying to have his cake and eat it while string people along with lies

I would be

He sounds like a nice chap if he's concerned enough about his ex who has problems.

I also reckon that your mate will not be 'heartbroken' if a 2 week relationship doesn't workout - unless she is 14.

Oh well, I'm clearly paranoid then.

I agreed with you stuck

Sorry, missed that!

Yes, the MH issue was raised by him.

I dony think you are paranoid or unreasonable or 'projecting'! I too would be concerned but not sure what you can say? Just be there as it does sound a bit dodgy.

I always think in terms of potential reverse AIBUs lol

'my husband and father of my kids walked out on me. I'm sure there was someone else. He has been coming round a
Lot and we have been trying to reconcile and make a go of it. I can't shake the feelin that there is still someone else. He keeps going off and coming back.

He says I'm paranoid with mh problems.... I don't know what to do.

I'd be skeptical about any man telling me he had to go back to an ex often because of their mental health unless I knew they DID actually have mh issues.

YANBU to want to crack out the mayo and sweetcorn, but realistically there's nowt you can do. Que sera sera.

I do think YABU and paranoid, but on the other hand, it's good that you care.

Don't say a word to your friend though. It's not your place and you will just sound judgy.

Well she probably wont thank you for your advice [shooting the messenger etc] but it sounds like the old chestnut of 'shes mad' told to one woman about another as a reason why he must do or not do something.

Totally agree with Kayano.

Well I don't think you're being paranoid it sounds dodgy to me, he's in a new relationship but keeps going back to his ex

Maybe she thinks that showing trust is important? At that stage in a relationship, I would feel really OTT in telling someone they couldn't see their ex if they'd given me a good explanation as to why they were.

I 'let' a boyfriend go on holiday with an ex once - it had been arranged before we were together and they had remained friends. Everyone said I was mad but sometimes it's better not to try to interfere. If it's going to go wrong and your bloke get back with his ex (as mine did!), it's going to happen anyway whether or not you go down the route of 'telling' them who they can see.

That sounds like she wasnt actually his ex moonsquirter!