taking advantage of the heavy aibu traffic with a non aibu citalapram dilema

[bubbub]

am on cit have been since feb, the 20mg helped, but was still not able to control negative thoughts, still anxious, so doc upped it to 40mg which helped, felt more like myself,was thinking clearer.
but my god the terrible tiredness.
there is nothing on earth like it! i feel like my legs are made of lead, i sleep from 8pm till half six, every other day dh gets up with kids and i sleep till ten, i keep falling asleep during the day too.

have become addicted to caffine drinks, having up to 4 cans of monster a day while at work just to be able to keep going. i cant let on i am struggling at work, i was up for a promotion, was told hundred times that as soon as i could go full time i would get promotion, and i worked hard for it.
i asked in march about going full time and getting promotion as kids old enough and was told the job was going to someone else (he actually asked the whole team in desperation to find someone to take job) i called a meeting and asked why and he said because i wasnt the person i was a year ago, that although i have my depression under control right now, he couldnt trust me not to have a relapse, and he needs someone in control, i have never ever allowed my feelings to get in the way of work, if anything the harder life gets the more i throw myself into work...(me and boss are friends outside work, so he knew about my breakdown in december and the consequent pills that followed)
so anyway...i cannot allow him to see how tired i am, i must show that i can cope!!!

well i decided enough was enough and started to just take 20 again, the tiredness improved but i am tearful, reclusive, foggy headed and anxious again.

what do i do?! i spoke to gp today who just said to alternate 20's and 40's. but i feel like i have screwed myself by taking them in the first place! feels like a rock and a hard place! cope with anxiety and horrid thoughts, or with extreme debilitating tiredness? what a choice!

what do i do?!

See a solicitor concerning disability discrimination?

i know, thats what close friends (who happen to be work mates) said.
thing is i cant do that to him, we are friends, i am friends with his newly pregnant wife, he is a bit of a pleb (1st time in a managerial position) when it comes to saying the wrong thing, but he means well.
it hurts, but i see his point, i do! but its just really important that i can start proving myself again.
anyway, thats by the by really, its not gonna change anything. i just want to feel better.

I'm on 20mg also and have been since 2009!!

I still have good and bad days but mostly good, it was mostly for anxiety!!

Have u tried 25 or 30mg??

Also u shouldn't be treated like that at work!! Yes he is a friend but sorely if he didn't feel bad about doing that too you, the same allies too you.

A friend wouldn't do that to you.

There are other AD's you could try.

Go back to the GP and ask them to change you to another AD in the same group. Some people suffer more side affects with a particular drug than others. I would say from my experience that it's unusual to have extreme tiredness with Citalopram, it tends to have the opposite effect. That's not fact though, just my general thinking.

AD's can be very difficult to adjust to in the early weeks, so this is perhaps why the GP suggested 20/40 alternately. Still think you should go back though and get some advice, there may be other factors contributing to your tiredness.

I also think you are putting yourself under extra pressure job-wise, but I can see why. Could you go back to part-time? x

It's also possible that Cit is disrupting your sleep without you necessarily being aware of it.

thanks x i am having blood tests done next wed for thyroid anemia and diabetes, i have been taking vit and iron suppliments since feeling tired which havent done anything, so i dont think its anemia, diabetes runs in the family though. had my thyroid checked in 09 and was fine though, can that change?
i really suspect the increased dose to be to blame though as it started literally 2 days after beginning it.
and having reduced it myself to 20 i feel much more with it but feel terrible in myself and really down.
bumping, i am still part time, i didnt go full time after the conversation with the boss, i work 3 full days a week, so its not full on or anything, i love my job, but i do feel added pressure to show im "normal" like putting on a super happy face all the time, which in itself is tiring!
if alternating doesnt work i will ask to try something else i guess, i dont really want to have to do that as it took a long 3 weeks of feeling incredibly sick, when i was first taking cit, i really dont want to have to go back to square one. all this has made me question wether it was really a good plan for me to even start taking them, like i cant back out now, im in it for the long haul, kind of thing.

What xkayx said- he hasn't been loyal to you so you don't need to show him any loyalty.

StuckintheBellJar is absolutely right- this is disability discrimination and I would wager you have a strong case since he staed cklearly that was the reason you were not being promoted.

Depression is regarded as a disability and your employer is not allowed to use it as a reason not to promote or employ you.

This example is from the website of the Equalities and Human Rights Commission <a class="break-all" href="//(www.equalityhumanrights.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">(www.equalityhumanrights.com/

^Example

Saira had clinical depression for two years after the birth of her child. She applied for a job as a senior HR manager. On the medical questionnaire, she declared the period of depression and stated truthfully that this had occurred four years previously. After being offered the job subject to references and medical clearance, the offer was withdrawn. On questioning, the employer said that the job was ?high pressure? and they were concerned that it might cause a recurrence of her condition.

This is discrimination against Saira because of her past disability, and the employer may be liable to legal action under the DDA.^

Cognitive thinking therapist?? I can only say that it helped me. Although, I had to change from citalapram to fluoxetine, as the citalapram made me feel tired, and really didn't help with the depression. Has your doctor suggested changing tablets?

Going back to square one although awful, can be so worthwhile in the long run.
I hope things improve for you.

Hey bub. Regarding changing the ADs, going from one to another in the same group is different to starting from scratch. Don't be afraid to talk to the GP about it, really.

I'm sorry I misunderstood about your working time.

Trying to reinforce that you are "normal" at work is unhelpful in two ways. First, that you are putting yourself under pressure. Second, that you are defining "normal" as something other than the way you feel right now.

It sounds like you need to get the physical symptoms/side effects under control so that you can deal with everything else.

Also worth a thyroid check I think, if you've not been tested since 2009.

Chin up bub - pm if you like x

Have you had your vitamin D levels tested? Vit D deficiency can lead to depression/worsen existing depression, a friend of mine was about to go on ADs when she had her levels tested and they were 25% of what they should be (also very bad for bone density!). She has been supplementing ever since and feels much better though not perfect. Might be worth a try - if your levels are low and you can get them up, possibly the 20mg could work for you?

I second everyone saying this man is not your friend. He has discriminated against you.

Citalopram is my friend and my enemy. Last time it took me a while to adjust going on to it (hideous headache for 4 wks) or upping the dose and coming off was awful - 2 months of feeling totally disjointed. This time I went on really gradually and came off really gradually too (over 10wks) and it has been much, much better, thank God. Just last week I stopped a 5mg dose and there are no physical symptoms - just miss the easiness I suppose.

Anyway! My point really was that going up from 20mg to 40mg all at once might have been too much of a sudden hike and likewise, cutting down to 20mg straight away might be counterproductive. You can get 10mg tablets so no reason not to do 30mg. I actually bit the 10mg in half, saving half for the next day too. Bit grim but I tried cutting them and it was hopeless.

I hope you find an answer.

(Really interested in the vitamin D point too - new to me!)

I used to take citalopram but now take escitalopram which the body processes differently. It is more effective for anxiety (citalopram is better for depression) and I have experienced less side effects. Maybe talk to your doctor about it. I've heard good things about setraline too but never taken it myself.

I had to stop taking cit because of extreme tiredness

BUT also had blood tests at same time and was found to be very vitamin d deficient. Feel heaps better since that was corrected-so I second asking for that blood test

Have had fluoxetine in the past, which didn't make me tired at all. And I felt controlled depression better (although maybe ignore that, as looks Luke my 'depression' was vita d deficiency this time)

It is not unusual for people to feel very tired on Citalopram and your GP should try you on a different SSRI rather than tell you to play around with the dose in that way which is not good for you at all! Citalopram is short acting, half of it is out of your system within a day and a half. There is a good book that someone on here recommended to me by Joseph Glenmullen that explains it all well.

but...more importantly.. you do not have to prove yourself to this Boss who has discriminated against you. You need to take time to get better and not push yourself, you are risking giving yourself a complete breakdown.

I had a similar problem with another anti depressant, I had been taking it first thing inthe morning and was a mess! Swapped to bedtime and had a massive improvement in energy levels and began sleeping well at night.
Just a thought..

Huge sympathy for you, depression and med side effects - especially fatigue - are very hard to deal with.

I agree with those who have suggested going back to the GP but if possible I would see a different GP in the same practice because it doesn't sound like the current one is being very helpful. Switching to a different drug might look like going back to square 1 at this stage but it isn't! You've already come a long way since you were diagnosed and it might well be a necessary step in your recovery.

Your manager is conducting himself extremely badly and, at the very least, needs further training in this area.

Agree that this is disability discrimination, and that this person is not a real friend. You deserve better treatment than this.

Tiredness is also a physical symptom of depression. You can still have some underlying depression when you take anti-depressants (ADs); & that can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as tiredness etc.
I have chronic major depressive disorder (i've been very unwell with several episodes of serious depression; & am likely to relapse if i stop taking anti-depressants.)
I took 80mg Citalopram per day; but it did not sort out my depression.
Tried Sertraline (also an SSRI AD) at the top dose but that did not work either.
CBT was a waste of time as i was too unwell to remember what i'd learnt & to do the 'homework'.
Finally i was put on Venlafaxine 225mg M/R (by an NHS Psychiatrist- an SNRI. It worked for me(after 4 months); it didn't stop the depression completely but the episodes are far less bad. I would definitely recommend it.
I don't remember being especially tired when I took Citalopram but then we are all individuals.

ps. be warned - if you ever come off Citalopram or have to change meds - then make sure than you are careful to be weaned off it properly; or you can get extremely bad withdrawal effects.

Agree with all PPs regarding seeing GP to change meds.
I was on fluxotine, and was so ill it was unbelieveable! i literally couldn't keep anything down, but my friend found it fab!
I switched to cit, and it was amazing! I felt so good! It definately didn't make me tired though, in fact I was also taking sleeping tablets as it was the only way I could sleep.
Both me and my brother stopped taking cit, neither of us were weaned off. He had no side effects at all, whereas I suffered with a migraine, sickness and foggy/fuzzy feeling for a few days. So I definately agree with Latara and come off them 'properly' (not like I did!)

Just thinking yes your boss was wrong in the way he handled it but maybe if you are so tired and stuff then the added stress of a promotion is really not what you need right now. Just be kind to yourself, rest as much as possible and get as much sleep as you can, you can go for promotions once you start to feel better x