Was I BU? Friend appears to be ignoring me now.

[Gravity1]

I have a friend I've known since college. We had children the same time-ish and since they've been at school we have fallen into the habit of meeting for tea once a week. It was most weeks but not set in stone eg occasionally one of us would cancel for dentist/other commitments. Last time we met I mentioned I couldnt do the next week since DD really wanted to try a new after school club. Friend was a bit sniffy about being bumped, but jokingly so. I thought. Anyway, she wont answer the phone or mail me back now. I have sent an apologetic 'Sorry, DD really wants to do the class, this is the only night its on, can we meet another day, really want to keep meeting up' e mail, and have texted her too. Have I been totally unreasonable here? And how on earth do I make amends, especially since Im getting annoyed myself now. Theres only so much I am prepared to grovel!

Your friend sounds a bit insecure and immature to be honest. Friendships are important but as a mum herself she must realise that what is right for your child is going to come first every single time.

Don't make amends. She is the one being unreasonable and childish.

Yanbu - the world doesn't revolve round her and her child. I had some really good friends from a first time mum group and we used to meet up regularly. Gradually meetings petered out but the ones who mattered pick up where we left off if and when we have time or if we bump into each other by chance. Life changes and everyone is busy it's part of life. I wouldn't grovel anymore.

just leave it to her to contact you now, you have apologised enough, the ball is in her court

Just text to say are you free giving a time and day you can manage and see if she replies, not much else you can do.

Thanks for replies, glad to know I haven't been totally U. Was starting to doubt myself!! Yes, ball in her court now I guess. Sigh.

Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong at all and definitely no need to grovel. Is it possible you're reading into to it too much? I'm like you in that when I don't receive an instant response to a text or email I immediately start jumping to conclusions and then when it turns out the other person has just been busy or preoccupied, I wonder what all the fuss was about that I was making. My advice - give her a bit of time and try again. Hope that helps.

YANBU, just let her get over it and contact you

Possibly extrememum - I do like to indulge the old paranoia

If she's in a strop because you can't meet up then SIBU. However she might just have read your text when she was going to make a call and then has forgotten to reply or thought she would reply later

Me too Gravity1. Do it all the time. When I realise I definitely haven't done anything wrong, then I remind myself I'm paranoid. And you haven't done anything wrong. But I wouldn't grudge your friend for her actions either. We've all got different things going on and it's easy to be complacent with friends when other worries are in front of you. That's what friends are for.

I'm more likely to be in your friend's position. On busy weeks, I just get behind with replying to messages from so many different directions really - text, email, fb wall, fb messages, landline, mobile - I can't even remember how people contacted me half the time! And then if I sense someone is worried I feel like I need to think a bit more before responding so delay till I have more than just a moment. I'm very grateful my friends are patient with me - and this has just reminded me that despite it being an ok week, I was supposed to call someone yesterday to confirm an arrangement for tomorrow and haven't done it yet...