Comments about weight - should I just get over myself?? <trivial thread>

[RevoltingPeasant]

Disclaimer: this is not a stealth boast. I am not skinny (!).

I have a colleague who has taken to making comments about my weight. Like, the other day she came up behind me and 'goosed' me and said, 'Ooh doesn't she have a tiny waist!'

Today, I missed a free work lunch to work at my desk with packed lunch as had to finish something. We had a post-lunch meeting and she brought a plate of leftovers from it, and offered it to me. I said I'd eaten at my desk, but she re-offered, saying she was worried I wasn't getting enough nourishment.

AIBU to be put off her a bit by this? I will not say anything as she is otherwise lovely, but.... The weird thing is, I am 5'4" and size 12, and honestly not skinny.

Don't know what to say really! She sounds a bit odd. Is she very overweight? Gay? waffles on a bit

No, comments about weight are not acceptable. I'm overweight and would be extremely pissed off if a colleague did the same in reverse. I don't see why you should have to get over it.

She gave you a compliment re your waist

And she kindly brought you some food

Yes YABU to be 'put off' unless there's more to it.

Ah, take the compliment and the kind gesture of a plate of nice free grub

It's only weird if you start thinking its weird

Is she just one of these 'mother hen' types?

has she been on a diet and lost loads of weight ... and you're the only one who hasn't mentioned it to her so she is making a big deal out of weight/food with you?

She sounds like a feeder

Worra I guess it's because I am honestly not skinny- I am not massively overweight but I am naturally a 'muscular/ curvy' build rather than elfin. It kind of feels like she thinks I should lose weight and is sort of 'encouraging' me iykwim?

She also keeps saying I have lost lots of weight recently. I totally haven't - I am wearing a skirt today that I've had for a decade and my waist size hasn't changed in that time.

I just don't know why she cares. It also makes me kind of uncomfortable tbh.

I'm not skinny either but I do have a small waist.

Honestly, It just sounds to me as though she's being nice.

But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I suppose you'll have to say something.

Some people just don't have much else in the way of conversation.

I'd just not enter into discussion about it.

maybe she just thinks you have a lovely little figure

women of a certain age are just enamored by women younger than them :)

Sorry to revive this thread but am just having a moment.

Colleague I posted about last month started on about this again today. We were at a meeting and she started asking me why I hadn't been to the lunch we were offered (I had a conflicting meeting) and told me twice that I was 'wasting away'.

I'm not. I'm a size 12. I really hate the fact that a woman can't just be in a professional situation without people making comments about her body and appearance. Why the fuck should anyone at work care what weight I am? Who would talk like this to a bloke?

tbh I have put on weight if anything recently and feel really self-conscious about my body. I hate having it drawn attention to in professional situations. I know this is totally self-pitying/ first world problem but it's really getting on tits today.......

"I really hate the fact that a woman can't just be in a professional situation without people making comments about her body and appearance."

Say this to her. She sounds like the sort of person that needs straightforward social rules to be painstakingly spelled out.

Look, it's quite obvious that you're either going to have to tell her straight to stop saying these things or you're going to have to put up with it.

I don't really see the point in letting it get to you and ranting on the internet if you're not willing to tell her to shut the fuck up.

She luffs you

She doesn't like you and is being faux nice. I'm going with the latter.

Ignore.

Agree with Emma, say exactly that to her. If she does it again just follow Worra's advice and tell her to shut the fuck up.

I can totally see why you'd find this irritating although she probably doesn't mean anything by it.

Could you just tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable?

I'd probably say something like 'look X, I don't think it's appropriate for you to be making comments about my weight, please can you stop'. I'm a bit of a mardy bugger though, you could adapt what you say depending on how well you get on with her generally!

I can very direct at times, so I would be quite happy staring at the offender and asking "Are these personal comments relevant to the meeting?"

Thanks all. I just needed a brief vent. I used to have real eating ishoos (eating disorder) and am therefore totally irrational about people commenting on my body.

She is actually a nice woman. She's smart and a very 'big personality' and takes the mick out of herself a lot. I honestly think she is trying in some way to be nice/ flattering as she is quite big herself (she openly says this of herself) but I just find it really cringy. Particularly because she also applied for the job I have now and I think she is trying to sort 'be jolly' with me and I am trying to be gracious back but through clenched teeth.

I probably can't say anything to her. We're a small team and run on goodwill and I am in a managerial position over her on one project and I need to keep things sweet.

Life lesson I suppose.

Smile and nod, smile and nod .

She is probably hoping you will eat the leftovers and soon be as big as her ..maybe?