to not want to hear my married friends bickering?

[DestinationUnknown]

Just a vent really. I'm single and ds and I are often invited over to friends' houses to spend time with them and their dc. Which is lovely, obviously, as are my friends, generally.

Not so lovely is having to hear the mutal sniping, passive-aggressive use of the term "darling" and to endure rolled eyes and having one spouse or other try to get me on side while they criticise something the other has done.

I know that having small children puts a strain on a relationship but this also happens with my erstwhile in-laws (am on good terms and take ds to see them often).

Perhaps I am BU and should just suck it up as a polite guest?

I'd be more annoyed if the hosting couple were perfectly cheesily in-love, I think

I LOVE people that do this you learn so much! It's like pre lunch entertainment, sit back and watch the show!

I know a couple that do this and it's mainly her putting down her husband the whole time. It is really embarrassing - if we behaved like that we'd be divorced. I did have a go at her about it once and she seems to have taken it on board (at least in front of us). They once even did it when round to dinner at our place; separately they are perfectly pleasant people but they have been married for 15 years and this seems to be normal for them although they obviously have no idea how uncomfortable it makes everybody else.

MrsPlug, that's a whole other rant! I don't want to see full on PDA but would much rather see expressions of mutual affection than endure the bickering. At least the former allows me to think that the expenditure on the wedding present was worth it!

How long are you there for? If it's a whole day, then I can undestand that there will be moments of bickering. If it's just the lunch, or evening, then they should be able to avoid it. Just come out with an 'oi you two, leave each other alone'.

Having said that, it drives me batty when DH decides he's doing dinner when a friend comes over (he works such long hours he NEVER cooks anymore) and then acts as though he does it all the time and isn't he so wonderful that I sometimes can't help having a little snipe at him .

Have friends who did this and I hated it. They are now in the process of splitting up

My SIL often says to my DB in front of us, 'I'm getting cross with you now sweet.'. DB, ''well I'm getting cross with you to darling!''.

TBH I find it quite amusing as does my DP.

We have friends who are exactly like that, in fact I am wondering if it's the same people the conversation is uncannily accurate!

They openly drag you into it too- the eye rolling is just the start, then comes the 'men are useless aren't they' 'what time do you put your potatoes on' 'do you have to pour your own wine?'

Much much too sharey of their dirty linen

We made the mistake of going away with them too- they spent the entire time trying to split it into a 'boys are doing x today and girls are doing y' thing. I think they just don't like each other much and assume all other couples are the same.

They do it in their fb statuses too, it makes me want to hide behind the sofa.

We avoid them now, but still get passive aggressive messages (notes through the door, fb, texts, answer machine...) from time to time.

I find it quite funny as long as I know they're not serious. It's nice that they trust you enough to show their private face in front of you. But then, I am quite at home with conflict and not everyone is. Maybe you could mention it to one of the friends (pref the woman) separately? "Is everything alright with you and H?" to get the message over that you find it alarming.

Anyone remember Harry Enfield and Chums ?

I wouldn't even notice this, tbh

it sounds like what I call an Archers Argument

most of the peeps I know would be going "for fuckssake, why are you doing it like THAT, you daft cow" etc etc

[charming emoticon]

This happened when I was invited for lunch at my cousins house by his wife because he was off work and wanted to spend time with us. I'm close to him but hadn't seen much of him. We were as close as siblings growing up. It consisted of her sniping and bitching at him the whole time. He completely ignored her and played with their children. She was in the kitchen making a few butties and drinks, nothing too taxing every so often she'd interject with a catty remark. The baby was sick so he asked her to get him a damp cloth to clean up the mess. She started slamming and stomping around before throwing a pack of wipes at him. Again he remained quiet. She brings the food in and moodily plonks it down and pretty much orders everyone to the table. By now the atmosphere is horrible and all the kids (my two included) start crying and refuse to eat. I offer to wrap up our sandwiches and go home so they can sort stuff out. She looks at me as if I have two heads and says that everything is fine. At this point her dh (my cousin) says (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Actually no. Its very much NOT fine! You hateful, sanctimonious and selfish woman! You have scared my mum, my dad and my brother off. I'm not letting you run the last woman I know off! I love you but the way you behave around my family is disgusting!"
I was gobsmacked. My cousin is a good bloke and everyone loves him. We wondered why he had gone cold on us and now I knew why. He'd been suffering in silence and could stand it no longer. Thoroughly embarrassed she got up and fled upstairs. They are still together but I haven't seen her for nearly 4 years as she avoids family events etc. My cousin finally made amends with my aunt and uncle and he no longer avoids everyone. He just does stuff alone. Sad but his choice.

Not so much whether what you do is OK as whether it's acceptable in public, isn't it?

I agree with the marital arguments/marital sex analogy. There's lots of different ways of approaching both, any of which might be fine for a particular couple. But you wouldn't normally indulge in either with guests round.

Mainly because both mean you are wrapped up in each other when good manners would dictate paying attention to your guest.

Yeah i would just join in and take whoever's side you agree with. My cousin and her DP always do this when I'm there so I just join in i.e. "have you got pmt, you're being unreasonable" to her or "think you're being a bit of a chauvinist there mind" to him :o