to expect more skeep help?

[Cazm2]

I have 7wk old dd. Doesnt settle or sleep well either in day or night. She will go down at 9ish ok till 121 feed the unsetlled in crib for at least 2 hours tossing turning grunting grizzling. I tend to be awake and try calm her etc. I try go to bed between 9930. My Dh doesn't tend to come to bed till 12ish so does the last feed. I do 5-6 one then she is with me till I get up at 730_8 depending on feed. I am really suffering with lack of sleep and really tearful now. I know its not easy. My Dh keeps saying I have to sleep I have to go to work which I understand but he gets up 730-815. Having more uninterrupted sleep than me. At weekends its same routine except I get up with her and let Dh sleep in till this sat 1030 sun 930. I do whatever housework I can, dinners, washing ironing etc dd bottles. I had bad labour lost a lot of blood and very anaemic. My Dh still manages to find time to run home from work so doesn't get I. Till 630 sometimes. Then I do everything watch dd while he showers, dinner etc. I know he has busy job but I am really struggling! She rarely naps I. Day for more than 20 mins if lucky!

Could you have 1 lay in each at the weekend? And could he have her when he gets in so you can have a bath and go to bed if you need to? It gets easier, I was lucky and mine slept really well from day one and slept through from 6 weeks and 11 weeks, don't think I'd have coped if they didn't as dp didn't help at all.

You sound exhausted, it does get easier, i have a 13 week old who has just started to sleep more reliably at night. I bottle fed at night from about 7 weeks onwards so that I could have a night off on a Friday night, my husband would do all Friday night feeds and i sleep in the guest room out of crying baby range, that one night a week kept me sane, could that work for you?

Also, your little one is still very very young, try not to worry about the housework so much, you might end up with a backlog but it's only going to be for another few weeks (or get a cleaner if that's within financial reach).

Why does he get two lie ins and you get none?

It is a horrible, horrible time and takes some adjustment. Personally I do give dh priority during the week but at weekends he gives priority to me.

No YANBU, however I'm in a similar position here where DH works and needs to sleep.

It is hard, but it does get easier, and my DH does do quite a lot when he gets home, ie will look after DCs while I do dinner, or he will do dinner.
He also usually does bathtime and bedtime with DCs to give me some me time.

At weekends, we generally take one day each to lie in but our elder DCs are good sleepers and don't get up so early.

Do you have any day time support OP? ie family, in laws etc? Just someone who could take your dc for a walk for an hour or two so you can catch up on sleep?

Try and stay focussed honey, it does get better xxx

YANBU at all - DS is 17 weeks now and was just like this at your DD's age. The way DH and I approached it from the start was to say he has his job, and looking after DS is my job. Anytime DH wasn't at work, we split 50/50 so we both do our 'day job' plus half of our 'time off'.

In practice, I do 6/7 night times but DH gets up with DS every weekday so I know however bad the night has been, I'll get some more sleep 6-8 ish until he leaves for work. DH does bathtime every night and I put DS to bed. DH also does one night time, usually Friday, so again even if it's been a really shitty week I know I have one night of full sleep.

This has worked really well for us. Yes your DH has to go to work but so do you, and unless he's doing a job where it'd be dangerous to be tired, surely it's only right you both take a share? Of course I bottle feed which also makes this easier.

Sympathies though, have done the exhausted crying thing, it feels never-ending but honestly hang in there and see if your DH can do a little more.

Your husband sounds a selfish arse

I know it's really hard while they're little, and no one gets enough sleep, but this sounds fairly equitable to me

Thanks for your replies. I don't actually sleep 9-5 otherwise I wouldnt be knackered. I get up to her in the night as she is unsettled most nights then get up or mostly stay awake from5 as she doesn't sleep in her crib.

It gets better, I promise. However, you should not be giving DH all the bloody lies-in and running around while he sleeps until 10.30am (that is the afternoon in our house thanks DD). Get at least one lie in at the weekend.

Dammit, thanks DD.

I think like you say we need to split weekends. He never does dinner. Or washing etc. If I say anything I get told to stop moaning he has to go to work. I know he has pressurised job but I don't think he understands. I guess I am just fed up with trying to make his life easier. He is very good with dd. But expects her to slot round his life sometimes not the other way round. Dd has been referred as gp thinks poss silent reflux so maybe she may settle. I just struggle with a unhappy baby whilst feeding ans some days being sick and dizzy with tiredness

Have you tried sleeping with her? It was the only way I got any sleep.

I think you should take turns with the lie ins, he can lie in Saturday and you lie in Sunday. I have reminded my DH that I need sleep too! It does get easier, my DS is now 20 weeks old and his wind was causing him to be unsettled at night, I can't remember exactly when it got better but I think it was around 12 weeks. Have you got anyone that could take your LO out for a walk or something even just for an hour whilst you have a sleep?

Did he do any washing or dinner or housework before DD arrived? Because I find it interesting that some fathers seem to do LESS work after babies arrive rather than more. They seem to think that they only have to go to work and the mother will do anything else.

DH is wonderful and I can't fault him but sometimes I do have to hand him DD and say, "I'm going for a nap, bye". Fairs fair, he can do the same.

Why are you ironing? It doesn't matter if you are crumpled on mat leave. If it matters in his job, let him iron a few shirts.

It won't be like this forever (even if it seems like it will be now) - get ready meals for a few nights a week for a few more weeks. Take all the short cuts you can.

Definitely hand baby over when he gets in - he can have a shower after you've had a break. My DP showers after putting DD to bed if he's cycled to work on my day off. DD is 2.5 and hasn't noticed the pong

Lie-ins - agree with everyone else in that you should take it in turns until getting up is at a sensible time for everyone (unless one of you is ill, obviously).

I agree about the weekends you need a proper block of sleep. Does he take your DD for a couple of hours on the weekend to give you a break. There is a long bank holiday weekend coming up in a couple of weeks so make sure you get a couple of lie-ins then too.

It does get better but if you are really struggling then can he take a day off to take the pressure off you a bit. I assume he took his fully quota of paternity leave.

You poor thing, no it doesn't suit everyone but really found co sleeping ideal for the first few months, Dd would go down ok but when she woke she went back much quicker with me holding her. I even always held her asleep in my arms during the day for at least 6 months. Obviously I couldn't sleep whilst on the sofa holding her but did get a lot of needed rest and daytime tv!!!

Had lots of people say 'your making a rod for your own back' she will never sleep alone etc etc..... All rubbish, she is confident I will come if she needs me, so as a result rarely wakes up in night (only if ill or dreaded teething!)

Thanks she does come into my arms with me after her morning feed as otherwise she still doesn't settle. But got told of for that from hv! Not sure how to sleep with her otherwise as frightened of suffocation! It's just hard my Dh was up with her last night as I really was on my last legs he slept with her in lounge but I now feel bad as he has work and I havehad 6 hours clear sleep. Sometimes she will settle from 8 but my Dh won't go to bed earlier as I suggested.

Don't take any notice of the HV and the telling off or the "rod for your own back" nonsense etc. You have a baby and you have to accommodate that. Just do what helps YOU!

I swear I would have been dead from exhaustion if we hadn't co-slept. Mine just would not sleep unless she was snuggled next to me. Babies are not all the same, just like adults are not all the same. Some babies need it, others don't. If you have one who does, just do it. You'll know how to make it safe.

And breathe, and sleep...