Bridezillas- getting married to have a wedding, not the converse

[Moanranger]

I got married 20+ years ago & while we wanted to have a nice wedding, we knew the whole malarky could quickly spiral out of control so we spent our money on decent catering, champagne & music & not so much on dresses, & no bridesmaids stuff - also no hen/stag nights (ugh!)
My younger friends and employees seem to have completely lost their minds, their ability to add up, etc, etc. It seems that no one, even the most sensible down to earth couples are able to get married without completely over-doing it. One friend of mine is hemorraghing money (her words) but keeps on with the expensive add ons. I try to drop hints - are you getting married to have a wedding or having a wedding to get married? They will end up starting married life horribly in debt, stressed and possibly resentful.

One of my staff members is planning to get married in his wife's country & then move their while she quits work and he supports them - and his job skills are not transferable. He was then blithely discussing honeymoon options, including Hawaii, a place me & OH managed to get to after 18 years of marriage. It is so out of my realm of understanding I do not know what to say, sound like an old fogey to them, I suppose, but to me they are creating nothing but problems with their unrealistic expectations.

Anyone else noticed this??

We had a very cheap wedding with 30 guests and it was brilliant - but given the chance I would have loved to take hundreds of friends to a big fuck-off castle, feed them loads and have amazing live music. If we could have got the money together then we would have thrown a huge do for everyone. I think that getting heavily into debt for the sake of a party is very silly, but if you've got the money then do whatever the hell you want.

What I do object to is the pressure to spend all that money to make it Your Perfect Day (TM). Whether it's a massive do or a pub lunch, it should be enjoyable - which means making the effort to think ahead and make decisions, but not getting so wound up over the little details that they have the power to ruin your day. I know someone who was in tears over not being able to find the right colour of napkin. It's meant to be a happy occasion, not an exercise in event planning.

Don't really understand what it's got to do with you tbh. I am insulted that as I had a relatively big wedding(oh and went to Hawaii), tgat I was after a wedding and not a marriage. But I guess tge fact we were together 14 years before we got married is also not what you approve of. like I give a shit

Op here. My reason for commenting isn't jealousy, superiority, but concern that the couple are getting pressured to spend more than they have - one of my staff has her family being torn apart as her brother is getting married in So Africa at an expensive, remote hotel & her family are expected to attend & finding it a real financial struggle. A friend was expecting me to come to a wedding in US with entire family - I reckon this would cost £5k - I had to say no, we cannot afford this. Other staff member - male - has just got engaged, swept up in full bore planning & not sure he has much say in it but will suffer the financial consequences. If you have the dosh, great, go for it, but you can have a great wedding on a budget! I do think that expensive/complicated = stress.

I have absolutely no idea how much our wedding cost.
We paid for rings, my dress, bridesmaid dress, groom and best man stuff plus honeymoon but my parents paid for the rest.
I know that the photographer was expensive as he was the best in the area and we had vintage cars but that was because my mum wanted a vintage Rolls.Well she was paying and we didn't mind in the least.
My mum made our wedding cake because in my opinion her cakes are great and our seating plan was hand drawn by a friend of hers who does things like this as a hobby so unique.
We're still married 12 years on...

I wanted to marry DH but the idea of a full on wedding is one neither of us wanted anthing to do with. So we bought a dress/suit and we both got rings etc and booked a hotel chapel in Las Vegas and went there (just the two of us) and got married and then had a road trip honeymoon. Was fabulous and in comparison to weddings in UK very cheap

We had a party when we got home for family etc.

So really, you're more bothered about weddings that are inconvenient for guests ?? . Your latest post seems a total turn-around. Is the person getting married in S Africa by any chance marrying someone who is from there? There will always be situations where a wedding takes place in a location that is inconvenient for some. It must be very difficult for couples who are from opposite ends of the world/country to decide where to have it, given that they will be subject to lots of bitching whatever they do.

IMO though the couple should not pressurise guests into attending their wedding, especially where attendance would involve expense and long distance travel.

Where is this idea from that 30/40 years ago everyone had a do in the village hall and spent ten bob on the whole thing?
My parents are from working class backgrounds and got married in 1974, their wedding had 200 guests (bride from big family!!) her dress cost her a months wages (mine was actually less than a months wages for me but I probably earn more relatively than she did so hey ho), there was a 3 course sit down meal in a hotel, flowers, cars, professional photographer, and a family member took a cine film which is much treasured.
Same with OH his mum and dad had a similar scale wedding.