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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so frustrated with my sister?

16 replies

justgrumpy · 15/05/2012 19:48

Long story but will try to make it quick!

Basically iam completely frustrated and today have reached the end of my tether when it comes to my sister.She has an over inflated view of herself and thinks she is far superior to me.All my life i feel as though i have lived in her shadow and iam sick of it.

She does not work, says she is too ill but manages to go out most days with friends, pub/coffee/shopping etc.she still lives at home with our mum and dad who dote on her and wont have a word said against her.I do appreiciate that she has had some health troubles and i do in that sense feel sorry for her but it all seems very 'selective' in that shes always well enough to go out socially but never ever ok to work.

I feel guilty for saying all this but rather than argue with her or my parents i thought id vent it here instead.

OP posts:

EclecticShock · 15/05/2012 19:51

Keep venting, it helps. Family do wind you up sometimes, but you can't hangs them, so it's generally a case of accepting them or not. Understand you're annoyed though, my family annoy me no end sometimes, as I'm sure I do them.

EclecticShock · 15/05/2012 19:51

Change them... Not hangs them :)

inkyfingers · 15/05/2012 19:52

Well venting it is all you can do. You honestly don't envy her- living as unemployed adult with mum and dad. Future's not great for her. Sorry.

Original poster

justgrumpy · 15/05/2012 19:59

I just feel so incredibly frustrated that the same parents who forced me to get a job immediately after college and pay my way etc etc are treating her so differently-and whenever im there it is made so obvious that they think shes wonderful and she clearly thinks she is heaven sent and is only on earth to relax and do as she pleases and has a smug air about herself.

In her defence i have to take into account she has suffered with panic attacks and depression and other issues though so i feel guilty being so angry with her,it just seems like our parents have always treated her so much better than rest of us and it hurts.

OP posts:

Ilovedaintynuts · 15/05/2012 20:01

I think this a very common and well-documented phenomenon.

Child in family has health problems, often chronic, parents perceive said child as vulnerable and spoil them. This creates a monster and alienates siblings who are expected to accept the 'sick' child's elevated position.

The 'sick' child has allowances made for them and they often do not develop responsibilities and remain dependent on their parents.

Nowadays parents with a sick/vulnerable children are often counselled in how to treat siblings and the importance of not creating a sick 'role' for their child.

I have read a lot on this subject. Why? Because I have a brother like your sister

Original poster

justgrumpy · 15/05/2012 20:05

makes sense ilovedaintynuts-how many times i have heard 'oh but she cant work, she isnt well' and 'but going out socially and relaxing/having fun is good for her health and wellbeing'

I shouldnt still be like this at my age i feel like a jealous child

OP posts:

Ilovedaintynuts · 15/05/2012 20:07

Do you have other siblings? Thankfully I have a sister who I can talk to about our mutually dislike of my brother and his pathetic treatment by my parents.

For your info he is 35, has never worked but also goes out, sees friends etc. all bills paid by parents - poor ........ he gets depression/social phobia/backache/wind or whatever is flavour of the day.

But in their defence he was an emergency breech birth, born without oxygen in hospital for months and they thought they would lose him. They have never got over the joy that he is alive

Ilovedaintynuts · 15/05/2012 20:12

And that's OK. It's alright to be a jealous child. Its OK to be angry with your sister and your parents. It's NOT fair.
But really it's your sister that has not been treated fairly, she is the one who won't have a normal life. Being spoilt does us no favours.

Keep ranting away

EclecticShock · 15/05/2012 20:13

I sometimes feel like this about my brother and he has no specific issues apart from being immature ;). I'm sure he feels like this about me sometimes. Common with siblings although it is frustrating when it gets to you.

Original poster

justgrumpy · 15/05/2012 20:15

yes i have siblings and we all feel the same but do not ever really bring the subject up much- it usually causes massive problems-last time it happened sister got upset after huge argument with me and i got home (lived with parents and 2 dcs at the time) to find locks changed and all 3 of us thrown out at 1030pm at night because she had asked parents to choose-either they threw me and kids out (aged 7 and 1 at time) or she would leave, the fear on their faces that she would go was terrible.

I should just try and ignore it all but part of me still feels rejected and angry that she gets away with living this life and playing the system-if she really was as ill as she says then i wouldnt say any of this but its all just an excuse to have a certain lifestyle.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 15/05/2012 20:15

Look on it another way.. when your parents are getting more elderly and infirm, she will be there to look after them.... after all, they have done so much for her over the years. Remind her of this in years to come. :)

Scheherezade · 15/05/2012 20:20

This is the relationship between my DP, SIL and MIL to a tee. Ilove, is there any reading you can recommend? SIL is dx with a personality disorder as she's so manipulative, and plans on leeching off living with MIL forever.

EclecticShock · 15/05/2012 20:23

People are different, have different perspectives on life and how they fit into the world. I would say acceptance is the best way to be at ease with the situation as you can't change it unfortunately.

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 15/05/2012 20:28

I was going to say that you just need to step back and accept the situation and get on with life knowing you are a competent and independent adult

then I read the bit about them kicking you and your kids out. I would struggle with being able to maintain much of a relationship after that. Ill or not she was being a first class bitch and your parents were, at best, weak.

Sorry, nothing to suggest but maybe a support thread to talk out your feelings will help

confusedpixie · 15/05/2012 20:39

Oh I feel for you OP. My little sister is identical but she managed to go to uni. It's so frustrating, especially when the parents pander to it

I've recently been venting a lot about mine who gets everything from Mummy and Daddy. Her student loan was blown on parties, ASOS.com and socialising whilst they paid her train fare every two weeks to go from up north to South East to see her boyfriend, they paid her rent, they paid for her food, etc. She never had more than 6/7 hours of lectures a week during her three years there but couldn't find time for a job (and was boasting about it to my DP who has 20-odd hours lectures in a science and maths based course and works 12 hours on top of that)
I had to beg them to loan me some money for a new car which I have to pay back within my next two pay cheques.

So rant away OP.

Justgrumpy that is awful :(

poppy283 · 15/05/2012 20:53

Feel your pain, my sister is a leech and a thoroughly awful human being.

Luckily DP hates her guts too so can have endless vents with him :)

What helps me is to remind myself that she's a very unhappy, jealous, insecure bully, and no amount of money, free accommodation, gifts or pandering would persuade me to swap places with her.

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