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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think bring a bottle ... means bring what you plan to drink?

93 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 15/05/2012 17:23

I always take what I think I'll drink to a party - often a bit more just in case.

Went to a party recently and some guests brought four beers ... then drank the hosts spirits like they were going out of fashion. The hosts ran out of booze and felt bad even though I know they'd spent a fortune on a good selection of alcohol

Thinking about hosting a party later on in the year but worried the alcohol cost will make it too expensive ... thoughts please on 'bring a bottle' and it's true meaning Wine

OP posts:
idontbelieveanymore · 15/05/2012 21:03

YANBU - it should mean what you want to drink yourself. However...

I went to a party recently and took a nice bottle of Pinot which the host opened when I handed it to her, shared it out between me and 3 others and then said help yourself to the Lambrini later Angry

I only like very dry wine and so couldn't drink anything else as it was all vile.

Vix286 · 15/05/2012 21:43

We have one person in our group who always says she doesn't drink so never brings anything with her to parties Hmm

However she is always happy to help herself to a glass or three of rose wine should any be available!

I always take what I will drink and some extra as well.

Don't get me started on people who when a bill comes round at a restaurant want money off their "share" as they didn't drink, like coke is free! (I will always take something off a non drinkers share if lots of alcohol has been consumed but resent the fact that they think an extra pound will cover their soft drinks that can cost as much as alcohol)

mumeeee · 15/05/2012 22:10

When we have a get together with friend bring a bottle means bring something to put on the drinks table then everyone shares.

OhTheConfusion · 15/05/2012 22:16

DH and I always take what we plan to drink plus extra and a treat for the hosts (choc's or flowers etc).

We 'had' friends who were very greedy in these situations. When they last came here they brought a (third full) bottle of value vodka with blackcurrents in it between them. They proceeded complain about our wine (there must be over 50 bottles in the house) as it contained sulfur (most wines do!) and drank our vodka until the chap passed out on our sofa. This I could have handled if it wasn't for the parting shot of "we could do the same but at our house next month... I will make pizza and you can bring the wine, remember SULFUR FREE NEXT TIME"Hmm

As I said, we 'had' friends like that!!!

samandi · 16/05/2012 08:31

You should bring roughly what you aim to drink, but if I'm having a party I do have a few bottles of vodka or something in stock as well for if/when people run out or to make some cocktails with.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 16/05/2012 08:38

Oh I can't BEAR that kind of behavior...I mean guzzling spirits because they're not payng for them...I had an ex like that and I used to get so embarrassed! Good riddance to him!

limitedperiodonly · 16/05/2012 09:06

My friend got everyone to check in their bottles at the 'bar' and got various mates to take turns in manning it.

Two girls asked the fiercest barmaid for vodka and tonics and she said loudly: 'Here are two glasses of the cheap wine you brought. Enjoy!'

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 16/05/2012 09:11

Yes, it means bring approx what you think you'll drink.

I guess one solution is not to have the spirits out or suggest that anyone goes looking for them? eg if it's dinner, just have the wine, beer and soft drinks that people bring on the table, and if you're offering more drinks offer 'wine, beer, lemonade ...?'

I don't drink so always bring poncy nice ginger beer, lemonade etc, and/or Innocent-type juices and smoothies. In restaurants, most people know I don't drink and so automatically leave the alcohol off my share of the bill.

Trills · 16/05/2012 09:17

YABU - "Bring a bottle" means "bring something to share".

YANBU to think that was bad behaviour. Just don't invite people like that to your parties.

CremeEggThief · 16/05/2012 17:44

I can't remember the last time I went to a party, but I would bring what I like to drink, usually a nice bottle of white wine.

Sometimes when I go to a friend's house, I bring something I know they like, such as red wine, even if I don't.

HamblesHandbag · 16/05/2012 17:51

we've hosted many a do and there are ALWAYS people who bring 4 crappy lagers and drink the nice wine. It is a fact of parties.

Sometimes people are tight skint, but sometimes they genuinely don't intend to drink the host's booze, but get carried away when people suggest cocktails, or a nice rose from the fridge or whatever.

We always buy in plenty extras as folk tend to drink more than they think they will, and just accept that is the case. If we're hosting, we want people to feel welcome and to run out of booze would be Shock

HermioneE · 16/05/2012 19:24

Am I the only one who gets drink envy?

I could take a nice red wine... but if someone else brought a nice white wine and offers me that... I will instantly want theirs more!

BananaPie · 16/05/2012 19:37

I agree that it seems a bit studenty to bring only what you intend to drink and stick to that, especially if another bottle is already open. I find it a bit petty that people get uptight about it ( and have never known anyone to in real life). Or perhaps I've got it wrong all these years and people are silently cursing me for drinking their booze...

lunamoon · 16/05/2012 21:23

I think it is fine to share in certain circles.
We have friends and the woman and I drink exactly the same types of wine so if I take a bottle to theirs I am not bothered whether we drink mine or hers iyswim. However, I don't like the types who bring cheap beer, then proceed to drink everyone elses more expensive drinks.

I think the answer lies in "bring whatever you want to drink," being on the invites.

Saltire · 16/05/2012 21:56

I had some neighbours round for my 40th birthday. 10 women. They all bought a bottle. 4 were drinking red, the other 6, and myself were drknking white. I had 6 bottles of white and 4 of red already. But I ended up with 11 different bottles open as everyone wanted to drink "their bottle" and when isaid "well this bottle is open why not finish it first" you'd have thought I'd said "lets inivite Jack teh Ripper round for tea!

porcamiseria · 16/05/2012 21:58

why would you give a party, and then get annoyed when people drink your booze? not very hospitable views on here so english

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 16/05/2012 21:59

Somewhere in between... What you would like, and some for the pot, I would say. We did go to a barbecue once where the hostess said 'oh your beer isn't cold yet, I guess you could have some of the other beer' and I thought that was pretty naff.

Mummy2FE · 16/05/2012 22:27

To me it means bringing what I would usually drink, ie, wine.

However when going to gatherings like this, I also take a bottle of something that everyone can enjoy and share such as a bottle of spirit.

As a matter of course when being invited to somebodies house, I always take the hosts favourite tipple to say thanks for their hospitality.

2rebecca · 16/05/2012 22:37

I would see the bottle as a donation to the collection. I see parties as being about beer or wine though so wouldn't put out spirits. I'd provide mixers if people wanted to bring their own spirits. Thankfully my friends overprovide rather than underprovide drink. It sounds as though you need to be fussy about who you invite and avoid putting out spirits. if people moan they want spirits you can tell them they should have brought a bottle.

scotagm · 16/05/2012 22:44

Bring what you plan to drink, but it can still be awkward.

I went to a Christmas party at a friends house. I was driving, but still took a bottle of wine. I left the wine on the table with all the other booze and didn't think about it again. Helped myself to an orange juice from a carton then noticed one couple giving me odd looks. They had bought the carton and thought it was really out of order that I was helping myself!!

radiolater · 16/05/2012 23:11

We have had parties and noticed the tight folk who bring 4 cans of something vile and a bottle of lambrini then proceed to guzzle all our alcohol then take their (unsurprisingly undrunk offerings home with them). These people don't get invited again!

I do think it is rude - you should arrive at a party with a bottle of whatever you wish to drink plus a gift for the host. (In fact when pregnant I have been known to arrive at parties with a pint of milk (mine) and a bottle of wine (for friend)! No one else has ever been interested in my milk by the way!

We choose our friends carefully now - no more tight arses! Had a party 2 weeks ago on the bank holiday, still working our way through the leftovers and will save until next bank holiday - not long now!!

However, the poster who brings the £36 wine is very welcome. I have a lot to learn as I feel I am drinking "nice wine" if it is half price in Sainsbury's!

j3ssycat · 17/05/2012 07:02

I always end up with so much surplus after a party - either my friends are very generous or they drink very little!

iscream · 17/05/2012 07:27

BYOB-Bring Your Own Booze, is what I'd think bring a bottle meant.
I think bring your own booze may give a clearer message, if you are inviting the same 4 beer bearing guzzlers to your party.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 17/05/2012 07:46

It means bring what you want to drink and some to share. It doesn't mean though that nobody else can touch what you brought.

HecateTrivia · 17/05/2012 07:49

You know those people who bring something cheap and vile and then take it home? Has anyone ever snuck away and poured it down the sink - just to see their reaction when it isn't available to take back home?

I would really love to see that situation played out. I wonder what they'd do Grin