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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel jealous

18 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 15/05/2012 11:34

I know I am really, I have 5 beautiful children and my DH had the snip after the last one, three years ago. My DS and DSIL have both just had babies, one of them after years of trying and i am really, really thrilled for both of them. I just feel really sad to think that I will never be pregnant again. I am nearly 41, have no room for anymore, can't afford anymore and am SO lucky I know. I know that I am being unreasonable but does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/05/2012 11:36

YANBU - it's a natural feeling I think. When I had DS my mum admitted to me she was envious of me, the fact that I was starting out with a young family and she was beyond that.

Groovee · 15/05/2012 11:37

I'm finished my family after 2 and dh had the snip 4 years ago but occasionally I get a pang of sadness that I will never carry another child. It doesn't last long for me, but sometimes I wish I could go through it all again.

Poledra · 15/05/2012 11:38

Ach, you're not being unreasonable to feel jealous - you're only unreasonable if you are unpleasant to your sister and SIL about their luffly snuffly new babies. I am Envy that one of my best friends is currently awaiting the arrival of her third - I have 3 DCs myself, so have been very lucky, but mine are all (nearly) at school. Actually, I'm more annoyed that she has the poor grace to live too far away for me to go and get newborn cuddles when he finally condescends to put in an appearance.

The new babies in the family are just marking out for you that that phase of your life is complete - try to enjoy the phase you're in now with your DCs, and fulfil your broodiness by being the most helpful aunt to your niece/nephew as you can.

PandaWatch · 15/05/2012 11:44

I would say YABVU but that's because I am struggling to conceive one child so am Envy about your five beautiful ones!

But you've already said you know how lucky you are and you can't help what makes you feel sad or regretful. There's always someone worse off than you but that doesn't make the things that matter to you any less important. I hope it passes quickly and I'm sure it's just more poignant for you at the moment as someone so close to you is now pregnant.

Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 15/05/2012 11:46

Poledra - I think I'm more upset because one of them is in Kenya, one is moving to China and my brother's 2 are in Australia! I can't be lovely spoilly auntie to any of them!!

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Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 15/05/2012 11:47

PandaWatch, now you've made me feel bad! I really do feel for you as I tried for 3 years for my first and my sister had all but given up after 7 years. Now she's just had her first and I am so thrilled for her. I really hope that things turn out just as well for you.

OP posts:
PandaWatch · 15/05/2012 12:02

Don't feel bad! I'm just feeling sorry for myself :(

But thank you for your nice words :)

valiumredhead · 15/05/2012 12:04

I could only have one child due to medical reasons and hugely traumatic birth, 10 year on and I would love another baby, I feel very sorry for myself recently so it's not just you x

diddl · 15/05/2012 12:09

It´s not really jealousy, though, is it?

It´s more wistfulness & looking back imo.

surrofab · 15/05/2012 12:29

Just because you can't have any more for yourself does not mean you could never be pregnant again....for some one else :) Just food for thought! xx

valiumredhead · 15/05/2012 12:30

It's sadness I think for me rather than jealousy.

delilahlilah · 15/05/2012 13:49

I don't think it's about how many children you have. I think it's the finality of it that you are dealing with. At least, that's how I see it. I have 2 boys, and have been adamant for ages that I will never have any more. All done, don't want to start again, financially not sensible etc. Yet I still get exactly what you are feeling, a sadness that you can't quite explain properly. I think it's human nature to have a problem when you make a permanent choice, and have to look back at what if etc. Maybe if he hadn't had the snip it wouldn't bother you as much because you would feel the option was still there? Not sure if that made sense, or explained what I'm trying to say Confused

tightwad · 15/05/2012 13:56

Its the finality of it that makes you sad. I feel it currently too.

Im trying to accept and come to terms with this, im awaiting some councelling to be honest.
Such is the affect.

Its a huge issue and takes some getting used to and accepting.

So sending you a hug, and a Brew x

thatisall · 15/05/2012 13:59

YANBU I have one, can't have any more and although I am a doting Auntie, god mother etc. I just wish it could be me again. xxx

marriedinwhite · 15/05/2012 14:06

I don't think it's jealousy, I think it's grief. Grief that there will never be a baby again. I remember when I came home with dd and smelt her new born smell and knew (she was my 3rd baby, 2nd surviving child, 5th, possibly 6th pg) neither of us had the strength to risk losing another one. I was ecstatic to have two children and grateful and blessed and still shed a tear because I knew there would be no more.

I still regret not having the third baby and have a certain sadness but I look at the two I have (now 14 and 17) and know their lives would be different, as would mine and dh's, if anything had changed the dynamic we fought so hard for and were so pleased to have achieved. Nothing beats being allowed a cuddle with someone else's newborn though.

chipmunksex · 15/05/2012 14:13

Am I weird that I never feel this?

3littlebadgers · 15/05/2012 14:18

Definately not on your own with this one so please don't be too hard on yourself. We have three children. We planned for three and can't really afford more than three and yet every once in a while I long to be pregnant and have a newborn again. It was such a wonderous time with each of my children that, as some of the other ladies have said it is more of a longing to have what we once had. If I could go back and visit those times I would be sorted. Get out your baby pics and films if you have any of them, share them with your DC's and marvel in how well you have done with them and how far they have come from the tiny people in the pictures.

Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 15/05/2012 15:30

Feeling better to know that it's not just me. Smile Thanks everyone

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