to distance myself from DB & SIL since they told me DP & i 'would not be having children'?

[WasabiTillyMinto]

i am 38, obviously my fertility is decreasing. however we have only been trying 3 months so i have no reason to think DP & I have a problem. i have not discussed TTC with DB & SIL other than to say something along the lines of 'we would like children, but i am obviously not a spring chicken', nothing more than that, at all.

they werent warning me about my age which would have been more reasonable, they were telling me it as though they were telling me a fact. neither of them are doctors.

i sucked it up because worse things happen in this world & its best for my family to keep the peace, but i have been very wary of them since and avoid them when possible & put my happy hat on when its not possible.

AIBU or are they?

It sounds like you might want to distance yourself from this woman for many reasons. She's a self centered idiot, just ignore her, and make sure you tell her in person when you do get pregnant so you can really relish the moment. Someone in my antenatal class was 42 when she accidently go pregnant, 38 is hardly too old, if it doesn't happen quickly though I suggest seeking medical advice sooner rather than later just to be on the safe side. Good luck, and enjoy yourself

Just want to add that, although younger not have any problems, maternal age is the single biggest factor in fertility and if you try for more than 6 months over the age of 35 without success, your GP should refer you to a specialist.
There are endless stories of women conceiving late etc but the statistics show that your fertility plummets towards the end of your 30s so please don't delay if you don't get pregnant within the first 6 months as sadly time isn't on your side.
Good luck.

What was the context of them making that comment?

was it "would you like a rich tea with your biscuit and by the way you won't be having children".

Or, was it "well we'd like them one day" "well you're no spring chicken, if you don't get on with it you won't have any".

Neither are particularly great but I just can't picture how it would have come to be said in conversation.

Aber - it was 'mum should move near to us so she can see her DGCs, as you and [Mr Minto] wont be having DCs.' matter of fact.

they then suggested somewhere where DM would hate to live. (she likes the countryside, they like the city). when they raised this move with her, DM said it was like DB didnt know her or what she liked.

Yanbu, they sound very rude to have said you wouldn't be having children. It seems such a silly thing to say, you are only 38, not 58. Also rather presumptuous to assume that DM would want to move near them. I'm sure if she wanted to move near them to be nearer her gc, she'd be capable of deciding that by herself.

YANBU, how rude! It's none of their business, even if you've chosen to mention your age briefly once.

They sound strange & not worth the effort of even giving any consideration to anything they say.

YANBU.

SIL in particular sounds awful. How old are they & their DC roughly? (out of nosiness)

Good luck TTC. My grandmother was born when her mother was 48! That's ten years older than you :) she was the youngest of 16.

My cousin is expecting her first baby: she is 50, it was completely natural, in fact she thought she had fibroids...she's being written up in a gynacological journal.

However it is a bit thoughtless of your in-laws and just ignore this time, and make a mental note they might not be the greatest help and support in a crisis.

"TTC together".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have an 18 month old, conceived with no medical help, born just before I turned 43.

It's true things are a little more difficult as you get older, and the chances of losing an early pregnancy is higher (sadly we lost several in the 2 years before DS4 was born), but it is likely you WILL succeed. You have only been trying a short time so far - nothing to worry about.

Are you taking folic acid? For older women, a high dose (at least double the normal) is often advised (after several misc I was put on 5mgday folic acid, 10x the normal), and the next preg was successful.

Thank you all for your comments. it has helped put everything in perspective. really nice to hear everyone's stories all well.

I had DS2 when I was 40, and DS3 when I was 43. No medical intervention, just normal TTC.

She's a bit daft, eh?

It is very presumptuous and insensitive but not necessarily malicious nor ill-meant. It may have been a comment that was couched in the wrong language - they might even be kicking themselves over it, you never know.

People make assumptions based on their own worldviews when it comes to having kids ie
if you leave it later in life then you clearly can't be into having them
or
if you've been together a long time then why would you have waited- it must be that you can't or don't want to

i've recently found out that my close family and friends have been saying these things about DH and i for years without our knowledge.

when i announced we are expecting last month my mother said my MIL had told her last year DH must be 'unable to have children' - based merely on him being 38 and childless. My own mother meanwhile had asked me a few months back if we'd considered adoption - we were TTC but nobody knew and i was left thinking do you know something i don't?
we've been together 7 years and i'm 33 - my mother on hearing my news told me i was 'pushing it a bit leaving it so late'!

so i would say YANBU to be put out but don't cut yourself off from family members just because they are aggravating/insensitive

It sounds like they've been insensitive but some people like to think they know it all.

As extra "good luck stories", my friend had her first at 46, my grandmother had an unexpected one at 43 (after being sterilised) and my great grandmother had one at 48. Sometimes nature just does what she wants.