to want to move to a different town?

[neva]

I've lived in the same medium sized town for 23 years. I long to live somewhere a bit more interesting. Looking ahead, in 5 years time, dd may have left home, and the idea of still being here is so dull. I'd like to be somewhere where there is a variety of things to do. We don't even have cinema here. It seems like now or never, as I need to do it before dd gets into year 10, so as to avoid disrupting her studies.

From the (beautiful, exciting) city I have in mind for us to move to, it will be a longer journey for her to see her dad, part of which she'd have to do alone by public transport... She's not daunted by the idea now, but I'm worried that it may become tedious for her.

Am I being selfish? Has anyone else moved for the sake of a change/improving quality of life rather than because they have to for work reasons, say? And how did it work out?

I feel your pain as also live somewhere I don't much like and am thinking of moving. In my case though the move would be closer to DCs' dad and in time for DS to start year 7. DD is younger.

Am keen to move at this point as would consider it too disruptive to move at all during the secondary school years.

It depends how your DD feels about it though. For me, by the time i was in year 9, my friends were everything and I wouldn't have wants to start another school at that stage. And you are talking about moving in year 10, which would mean her GCSE year - or do you mean moving for after GCSEs so she would just do a levels at the new place?

If she isn't averse to moving, then I'd say why not? But if she wants to stay, I think if I were you, I'd stomach it and stay. Not worth upsetting her schooling for if she is against it.

I am not sure it is now or never. Just a couple of extra years until she has finished school. I think either go when she has finished GCSes and before 6th form, or wait an extra 2 years and go then.

I think it depends on a range of issues, which only I know the answer to:

Is the journey to the dad too far/difficult for her to manage on her own?

Can you afford to live in a catchment area for new schools?

Does your dd make new friends easily?

will you make new friends and have a support network near you?

I've just moved from being close to friends and family to somewhere more isolated but nicer. I hate it. So we're moving again! The things I didn't like were lack of things to do, very few similar people to me so no friends yet, miles from friends and family, no decent church, no decent transport.... This time we're moving to somewhere that's nicer and better connected and closer to friends and family.

So I'd say go for it, give it a few years, and then you can always move back if you realise the grass isn't greener.

Sorry, stupid phone! It should, of course, read ' which only you know the answer to'....

DD will make friends at school then will consider home, after she leaves school, as where her friends are (but in the long term ie when she is an adult home could be anywhere and it won't matter) so I would move before she gets too into secondary school then when she comes 'home' after leaving school it is to you and her friends.

But check out house prices, school catchments, bus routes, rail routes etc to make sure you don't end up in the same position again.

I moved 250 miles to get a house I could afford. We lived in a 50% shared ownership flat that had been in negative equity for 13 years (I would never recommend shared ownership to anyone). It was small, and only 2 beds. I already had a boy and a girl. I found myself accidently pregnant with our third ( another boy). We HAD to move. Luckily the market had picked up a bit and by the time youngest was 2 and a half , we were able to sell our share fairly quickly and find a 3 bed terrace in E. Yorks. It was an upheaval, but we managed to get jobs, and feel very at home here now.

As soon as DS (now 12) goes to University, I will be out of here like a shot.

I live in East Anglia, miles from anywhere remotely lively or cultural and although I love the country life, I know that I would be much happier living in the countryside near a city like Cambridge or Bath or even moving back up north near Harrogate or Leeds or Manchester.

It's not selfish of you to want to be happier and have more to do.

Thanks. DD is ok with the idea of moving, even though she would be sad to leave her friends. She does make friends easily so I'm sure she'll be OK and she'll benefit from having a much wider range of things to do in the city we are thinking of. Mainly worried about the journey for her to see her dad and general upheaval.

But every time I visit the city I discover something new and feel re-energised. Life seems full of possibilities. Hardest thing is being the only adult making the decision. I suppose I could involve parents; we would be moving a bit nearer to them, so they would be supportive. Though at my age I should be capable of making decisions alone!!

I'd move if I was you. What city is it, out of curiosity?

It is hard bearing the responsibility of making these decisions as a single parent. I feel like that too. But if your DD doesn't mind too much about moving now, absolutely do it if you feel you will be more contented in the new place. It's not a dress rehearsal, and all that.

As regards DD's travel to see her dad, perhaps at her age it could be quite beneficial for her to develop independence in making longer train journeys alone? I had a friend who lived in Liverpool when I was 14-18, and in holidays I would visit her or she would visit me, and I remember those cross-country train jouyneys (we lived in the south east) as absolutely thrilling. Especially going through London from Waterloo to Euston on my own! As a country bumpkin this felt like a whole world of possibility opening up.