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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to call the police

23 replies

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 13:36

I don?t want to drip feed, but also want to keep this as short and to the point as possible

On my sisters BF?

DSis has been dating a guy for almost a year now, she?s always kept her love life pretty private, so it?s not unusual that she can have been in a relationship for a year before anyone in the family meets him.

Anyway it was recently her 30th Birthday, so I was invited out to join her for a few drinks with her friends and meet the new guy.

I turned up early afternoon as agreed and we had lunch and a few drinks, BF texts at 1500 to say he?s on his way (about an hour from her) she replies fine but we have to leave by 1830 or we?ll lose our reservation.

We get ready, and generally have a bit of a giggle and then we wait, and wait, eventually at 1845 we leave the house and bump into bf just as he?s arriving, drunk out of his mind, anyway she refuses to let him in the house to change and says firmly ?we?re going, we?ve waited long enough for you, you can change at the pub if you really want to?

I should add that both her 18th and 21st were ruined by her BF?s at the time being complete arses (one snogged her best mate, and the other refused to turn up, because as we later discovered he was moving in with his fiancé!!!) she had told him about this and asked him to please make sure that she didn?t have another bad big birthday

They bicker a little on the way to the pub, I walk ahead with my Sis?s Housemate and let them sort it out. We get to the pub and BF is generally being a pain, staggering into people insisting on buying rounds of drinks that no one actually wants (he even knocked over all the drinks we?d already bought and then blamed someone for bumping him ? we all saw there was no one around)

Anyway Sis takes him outside and asks him to leave, eventually after an hour (of her standing outside with him) he eventually does, and everyone actually has fun as there isn?t a drunken idiot forcing people to talk to him, getting agro with other people etc And then 2 hours later he turns up again, even more drunk, and proceeds to pass out on the bench at the table.

We decide enough is enough and leave him there, and go to a friend of my sister?s house for some more dancing. At about 2am I decide to catch a taxi back to her house, but leave her and her housemate there as they?re having fun.

When I get back to the house, someone in the flats has buzzed her bf into the central hallway, so he?s sitting there waiting for her, I politely but firmly ask him to leave and eventually get him to go outside, telling him to just go home and sleep it off, and that?s when it all kicks off. He starts kicking the door, throwing stuff at the windows (they?re on the ground floor) and buzzing all the buzzers,( I could hear the ones upstairs going) so as much as I want to ignore him I answer the intercom, refuse to let him in and tell him if he carries on I?ll phone the police (I was really shaken up by this point as I was in the house on my own) I called my sister to tell her what was going on and she said she?d catch a taxi home and to call the police, if he does carry on. Which no surprise he does, so I phone the police, after about 45 minutes they turn up and move him on, have a chat with me and make sure I?m ok, and my sister arrives home shortly afterwards.

She and him have split up, but she?s been really short with me ever since, and seems upset with me, I can?t talk to her about it as she just fobs me off.

Did I do the right thing? She did say to call the police, but now I feel she?s upset because I did

WWYD in the same situation?

OP posts:
ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 13:36

God - so sorry that's really long - well done if you made it all the way through that :)

OP posts:
complexnumber · 14/05/2012 13:39

You did the right thing

bagelmonkey · 14/05/2012 13:40

I would have thought she's more likely to be embarassed & upset about the end of her relationship than angry.

skrullandcrossbones · 14/05/2012 13:40

I think you did the right thing.

She might be being short with you because she feels like a bit of a fool - for always picking boyfriends who show her up. Is it possible she feels that you are judging her a bit for this? Even if you don't mean to?

I don't mean that you are intentionally patronising her, just that she might feel it, especially if you make better choices than her in terms of men.

There was obviously more wrong with the relationship than one night's drunkenness, since she's broken up with him. Well done her, for calling time on it, but she will be feeling upset generally, since they were together a year.

JennyPiccolo · 14/05/2012 13:42

She is probably just pissed that the night went so badly, and you're reminding her of it because you were there and involved. Give her some time to simmer.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 14/05/2012 13:43

I think you both did the right thing!

But I also think your poor sister has had another spoilt birthday and bad boyfriend and needs a bit of sulking time. So, I don't think her being short is personal to you.

UnChartered · 14/05/2012 13:43

you did the right thing, and her a favour

she's still lost a relationship though, so she'll still be hurting over this

be kind to her

FaceForRadio · 14/05/2012 13:43

Oh dear. What a mess.

I think your sister probably feels caught in the middle of your expectations and her bfs expectations.

If she's being short with you then I suspect they have not split up afterall.

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 14/05/2012 13:44

shes probably embarrased about it, you did the right thing btw

DaenerysTargaryen · 14/05/2012 13:44

You defo did the right thing and I hardly ever say to call the police (I've done it once)

FaceForRadio · 14/05/2012 13:44

Having said that I think you did the right thing.

bewitchedandbewildered · 14/05/2012 13:45

What everyone else has said, you did the right thing, your sister is possibly still reeling from another messed up big birthday and the end of yet another shitty relationship. Give her time to simmer. Then maybe have a chat about her short selling herself to inadequate men!

DressDownFriday · 14/05/2012 13:51

You definitely did the right thing - what choice did you have? If you didn't them, I'm sure one of the neighbours would have.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 14:04

I do hope she doesn't think I'm judging her, but you could be right, although I'm happily settled with DP now, I had the worst run of lukc with BF's for years (even dating a drug dealer - who stole from my mum when I was living with her - hangs head)

I was thinking about suggesting that I offer to pay for us to have a spa day and maybe dinner and a movie or something to get her out the house and maybe take her mind off things, or should I just give her space?

OP posts:
ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 14:08

@FaceforRadio - I hope that's not the case, more so from the point that I'd hate her to feel that she'd have to hide it from me, it was a bad night, but if he makes her happy then I'd support her in the choice to stay with him.

ALthough if he ever hurt her I would hunt him down and go a bit tribal on him Blush

OP posts:
skrullandcrossbones · 14/05/2012 14:15

OP, I think she would actually feel better if you asked for help from her, rather than offering her help, IYSWIM. So, rather than offering her a spa day to help cheer her up, if you told her about something that's bothering you, and ask her for help, or to come with you, or something like that.

It has to be something real - if it looks like you're doing it to make her feel better, it won't help.

Most people feel better when they're helping someone else, than when they're receiving help. Just a thought.

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 14:26

@Skull - that's a very good approach - although I'm guessing I need something more than wanting to kill MiL :)

OP posts:
skrullandcrossbones · 14/05/2012 14:39

A murder plot could be just the thing! Perhaps just present her with the body and beg her for help disposing of it Grin

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 14/05/2012 14:46

@Skull - hmmm, that's very do-able Grin

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and advice, it's been really helpful.

As always MN's you are a great source of help.

OP posts:
ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 17/05/2012 10:00

Just wanted to pop on and thank you all for your help.

I caught up with my sister again, I called her and entered my normal rant about MiL and her stupid dogs, and DSis actaully opened up.

Her and Twatface have definitely split up, but she's wondering if she's done the right thing and part of her misses him and wants to get back together with him, and asked what I honestly thought, turns out one of the reasons she's been a bit short with me is she didn't want to discuss it with her housemate around as she's very anti DSis's ex but hasn't even stopped to ask how DSis is feeling since the party.

So told her that my view was she needed time to think carefully about what she wanted, and said it would obviously hurt as she really liked this guy. But if she decided to give him another chance I would support her choice and not mention the party, but if he screwed up again I would have to go "all big sister on him" (which got fits of giggles and a few snorts - not quite the effect I was going for :) )

But anyway - she is happy, we're meeting for dinner next week to just relax and have a laugh. And I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your help and advice - as always you were right. THANK YOU

OP posts:
FaceForRadio · 17/05/2012 10:08

Glad to hear it!

Isn't it a weight off your shoulders when it works out like this?

All is well with the world again :)

I actually snorted a little when you mentioned about going all tribal on him Grin

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 17/05/2012 10:17

glad to hear your sis is fine with you. Obviously peed off with her housemate.

I do hope she doesnt give this arse a second chance.

UnChartered · 17/05/2012 10:19

Thanks for getting back to the thread, too often (and am guilty of this myself) posters don't get back

glad all is ok with you and sis - enjoy your meal out Smile

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