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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so angry and annoyed about this?

47 replies

blueballoon79 · 14/05/2012 12:23

I probably am being unreasonable but here goes.
I received a letter today from the school health service telling me my son was weighed and measured at school as part of the National Child Measurement programme and that his BMI is in the very overweight range.

Enclosed was a leaflet I found extremely patronising telling me how important it is for him to eat lots of fruit and vegetables and to get lots of exercise.

The reason I'm cross is because my son is disabled. He has cerebral palsy and had a major operation last January which means that he can now walk again.

He couldn't walk for weeks following the operation and had months of intensive physiotherapy plus I take him out regularly on a special trike to build up his strength again.

We are in regular contat with doctors, his physiotherapist and the hospital and not once has any concern been expressed about his weight and he is measured and weighed regularly at hospital.

When I called the School Health Service it wasn't even on record that he is disabled and as such it's not so easy for him to exercise as much as other pupils can.

I can't even let him go out on his own as he is very unsteady on his feet and often falls and is unable to stand up again by himself.

I'm so cross that all his hard work is negated by a letter stating he is obese and implying that I'm feeding him wrong and not getting him enough exercise, when I feed him extremely healthy meals and he exercises a lot!

He doesn't even look overweight. He has a slight bit of flab on his stomach but is very tall for his age and had broad shoulders and looks fine.

Ok I probably am being unreasonable but I just think it's too easy to be so general about things like this and I'm quite offended that it's presumed I'm feeding him the wrong food!

OP posts:

GinPalace · 14/05/2012 13:02

YANBU those letters are measures to point people in the right direction, but what isn't taken into account is that BMI is a very crude tool and without taking into account other aspects can give misleading results.

Most rugby players are technically obese using that measure as it doesn't take into account, build, muscle mass etc.

So looking at BMI in isolation can lead people, school in this case, to shoot half cocked. OK it is a good indicator to look further maybe, but not a definitive diagnosis of health status with regards fatness.

I would bin it. Seethe for a while. then calm down and move on.

Can understand your annoyance.

GinPalace · 14/05/2012 13:05

NoMore you had a letter suggesting you review diet based on DD's height - blimmin nora I've heard it all now! I hope you have cut celery out of her diet now

wonkylegs · 14/05/2012 13:11

NoMoreMarbles it's very unreasonable of you to let her get so tall, why have you not chopped a bit of her legs off!
FFs these programme seem to be designed to wind people up and I hope they do have some benefit but this seems to be a sledgehammer to crack a nut (and all the other surrounding nuts) approach.
Our DN got one of these letters too which was surprising as his GP had been worried that he was actually underweight for his height.
I got told by my MW that I was obese despite the evidence of her eyes (I'm tiny even when pregnant) turns out that she wrote my weight down wrong but despite this being pointed out she wouldn't accept that the figures were wrong, they couldn't be!!!
I don't accept that just because it's a national programme they can't be more sensitive with regards to disability. I would write to the HA to complain even if it's just to make you feel better and point out that this is not the right approach.

Original poster

blueballoon79 · 14/05/2012 13:14

I think I will write to them and explain our situation and how upset I felt. I'm sure I can't be alone.
I do think that a lot of factors have to be taken into consideration when judging a childs weight and disability definitely ought to be one of them.
Thank you all of you for your comments, it helps to know I'm not being totally unreasonable!

OP posts:

NoMoreMarbles · 14/05/2012 13:15

Thanks I couldn't help but laugh heartily at the letter! My dad us very tall as are my 2 brothers so I assume she has her height from there as neither me nor DH are tall... I stick to sensible diet choices for her. She has to limit sweets/ stuff chock full of E numbers drs orders due to epillepsy investigations so her diet is very good anyway... I just balled the letter up and binned it

NoMoreMarbles · 14/05/2012 13:17

wonky I tried but her legs just grow back twice as fast... Weed-like if you will

tabbycat7 · 14/05/2012 13:21

I also opted out of having DS1 weighed in YR. He's not overweight, he's a good little eater, he's constantly on the move and I didn't want some jobsworth telling me he was a little fatty when he is clearly not.

Kewcumber · 14/05/2012 13:26

AS someone said unfortunately this is a national programme and I doubt they have teh resources to personalise letters.

It might be a tad insensitive but you know your situation so you can read the letter and know that you are doing the best you can at the moment given the circumstances. It isn't a personal attack on you or your child.

And whomever said BMI isn't applicable to rugby players, that may be true but its going to work for most body types (hence the range) except professional rugby props, weighlifters, boxers etc ie those who are exceptionally muscular. The vast majority of people who are over the "normal" BMI are in fact they are in fact overweight. Also some of the risks in people over normal BMI are the same regardless of why they are overweight eg joint problems don't distinguish between fat weight and muscle weight.

Of course a little common sense is necessary in interpreting the results - if you are a little over the normal BMI then you may not actually be overweight or you may not be overweight enough for it to be a real health problem. But certainly one to be aware of and keep an eye on.

Ephiny · 14/05/2012 13:29

I would just bin the letter if you think it's not relevant because of your son's particular situation/needs. I agree it seems insensitive and can understand how you must feel, but it's just a standard letter and not a personal criticism of your parenting!

OrmIrian · 14/05/2012 13:31

Ignore it if it's not relevant. No need to get upset.

GinPalace · 14/05/2012 13:35

Don't think I would bother writing a letter. It's a national programme over which the school has minimal control. And as someone said up-thread as a blanket measure it fails to have the personal touch and some people get suggestions utterly irrelevant to their circumstances.

If you went to the effort of writing the letter and got an unsatisfactory or no reply you would probably end up more upset than before.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2012 13:39

tabbycat7 As long as you don't moan in years to come if he needs any weight related care from the NHS and it's not available because they couldn't predict how much care would be needed.

StrawberryMonkey · 14/05/2012 13:49

I had a similar letter from when one of my dd's was weighed at school. It stated she was in the "shaded area" on the chart where there would be a concern about obesity. She was 95th centile for both weight and height. They requested to monitor her again in the next year. They suggested moving her from full fat milk to semi skimmed and making sure she got enough exercise.

I let her drink whatever she liked milk wise. Tbh and pointed out to them that she walked 10 miles a week minimum and was extremely fit and healthy.
Coincidentally she has a medical condition (joint hypermobility) which particularly affects her joints which are slack and extra "elastic" meaning her muscles work up to three times harder to achieve walking (she also has low muscle tone and issues with proprioception)...so times those miles by three to show what her muscles feel they have walked! I'm sure this has contributed to her phenomenal leg muscles (yes it's mostly muscle not wobbly fat...think prize bull!). I'm not worried about her weight at all. The paediatrician she saw did not look at any charts but said she wasn't fat she would consider her slim. Based on having met her in person.

A pair of scales and a number is not the whole picture IMO.

At the same time children on the 75th centil for weight but 25th for height were not monitored... It all seemed to be to do with whether your child was in the shaded (potential to be obese) area of their weight chart.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 13:52

Yes, does it help to think of it as "This is what the data are telling us, you as parent are in the best position to know what to do with this information"

On the whole, i think this is a good programme.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 13:54

I do sympathise though - not telling you're you're wrong to feel the way you do.

tabbycat7 · 14/05/2012 19:30

Worra I won't be moaning because he's not overweight. :) As several posters have said, they have been told that their own non-overweight children are overweight. FWIW on two separate occasions I have had my BMI checked (antenatal appointments), and was told it was 24, ie healthy. On both occasions I was about 11 stone, size 14-16, small frame and 1m 68 and flabby!! I was trying not very hard to lose weight because I was definately a porker. I wonder if there might be some issues with the accuracy of BMI from a science point of view.

Original poster

blueballoon79 · 14/05/2012 19:44

I think there is issues with the accuracy of BMI! I checked mine years ago when I was a size 8 and weighed just under 9 stone and it said I was overweight!

I've binned the letter and am going to ignore it I think. I know I feed my son healthily and he gets as much exercise as is possible. There's nothing more either of us could do.

Plus my sons father was a little flabby around the stomach at my sons age (eleven years old) but shot up as a teen to 6 ft and lost it all, so I'm thinking my son could possibly do the same.

OP posts:

tabbycat7 · 14/05/2012 20:06

That sounds sensible :)

FarloRigel · 14/05/2012 20:17

It's not nice when your child has other problems, is it? DD got a note to day she was too heavy when on steroid treatment and chemo - like we had a hope of keeping a child on steroids stick thin! You could still see her ribs but she had that very classic steroid pot belly and swollen face. The hospital was happy with her so we just binned it. Glad to see you're doing the same. Would be nice if there was a bit of sensitivity shown though!

hackmum · 14/05/2012 20:21

The DM is always running stories about this - parents of perfectly slim healthy looking kid gets letter saying he's overweight.

But really it shouldn't be that difficult to note when a child is disabled and take that into account.

Kewcumber · 14/05/2012 20:27

tabby the "normal" BMI isn't a measure of whether you think you could do to lose a few pounds or look better in a bikini but whether your weight is medically healthy. Even that isn't perfect as its all risk based so your risk of a variety of things increases the higher your BMI is.

Health professionals get concerned about children whose BMI is high not because its necessarily a risk at that point but everyone who is morbidly obese has at some point been just slightly overweight and no doubt their paretns just assumed they would grow out of it.

At one point my BMI was up to 50. I didn't wake up one day having had a BMI of 25 to suddenly discover it had doubled. It was very easy to think that it wasn't so bad and I wasn't really that overweight and on the whole I didn't pile on a whole load of weight very quickly (except on steroids so your DD has my sympathy Farlo) just a pound a month - hardly noticeable.

The majority of people whose BMI is over 25 are overweight. Perhaps not much and perhaps they might grow out of it. But being aware that it is a potential problem is (having been there personally) IME far better than being totally convinced that there is no problem.

BonnieBumble · 14/05/2012 20:41

I don't accept the standard letter defence. If I sent letters out in my job that were insensitive and blamed it on being a standard letter I wouldn't have many clients.

When we received the letter it said that ds's bmi was in the normal range but at the top end of normal so we should keep an eye on it. I checked his weight/height ratio in the NHS red book and it said that his weight was on the 50th centile and his height on the 75th centile so if we are going to be pedantic he is actually slightly underweight. It is patronising nonsense.

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