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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

school talent show

34 replies

Whoneedssleepanyway · 14/05/2012 10:23

I am not sure about this but DH has got a bee in his bonnet about this.

DD's school is arranging a "...got Talent" type competitiion. The heats will be held in the classes (1 class per year group) and then the best two acts selected within the class heat will go through to perform in front of the school and the head and a panel will choose the winner.

DD is in reception, we have had a letter to say they don't have to participate but if they want to we have to fill in a slip saying what they are going to do (can be anything from telling a joke...to dancing, singing) but all practice must be done at home. DD naturally wants to take part as they are all excited and takling about this.

DH is really unhappy about this, thinks at 5 they are too young to be in a situation where they are setting themself up to be rejected and not chosen, and he thinks it is lose:lose i.e. they don't get chosen to go through they will be upset but if they do they then have to perform in front of the school which would be v daunting. He hates all these talent X factor type shows anyway and thinks people just humilate themselves.

I told him he is over-reacting, it is just a bit of fun, I am sure the reception class heat will just be a bit of fun and the teacher will get them all to decide between them which acts they want to go through and I am sure they would take into account whether they thought the child would be alright performing it on the day.

DH said he wanted to have a word with the teacher to say he disapproved, but I thought this was over the top and he should just leave it.

OP posts:

Sarcalogos · 14/05/2012 10:27

Ask your DH what telling the teacher he 'disaproves' would achieve.

IMO what he disapproves of- public humiliation, setting people up to fail, harsh criticism, desire to be 'famous' above all else are also things the school will disapprove of. Their version will be designed to minimise all that and maximise the good things- developing self confidence, democracy, supporting friends, appreciating talent, enjoying yourself.

robotcornysilk · 14/05/2012 10:27

yes he is being silly - the children love this type of thing
if he has a word the teachers will just

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2012 10:28

I think he is over-reacting. I am sure the school will manage it so that it is enjoyable for them all. However, my DC would never have wanted to go in for a talent comp - I might feel differently if they did

squeakytoy · 14/05/2012 10:29

A child is more likely to be upset about being unreasonably told she is not allowed to take part.

The earlier children learn to accept that in life there are no guarantees, and you cannot win every time, the better. There is nothing worse than a child who has a strop because they have never lost at anything.

Kayano · 14/05/2012 10:29

Your DH 'everyone's a winner' attitude is why Britain is so shit at sport yet all the athletes earn loads.

Oh you finished last? It's ok at least you got to the final... Everyone's a winner

Give me a break

Goldenbear · 14/05/2012 10:39

Seems a bit tacky, I can actually see where your DH is coming from, mine would feel the same. My DP is very competitive, ambitious etc. but he is an adult, not 5 years old. I am unsure what will be achieved by saying anything though. They will just nod and day, 'yes will take your view on board' and just think nothing of it I imagine?

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2012 10:40

DD does gymnastics and at the comps, the girls are lined up in score order. Even from 5yrs. It's horrible if they come last or next to last - they may have a bit of a moan/cry but then they get on with life and go to the next comp, hoping to do better. Same with DS and his footy teams.

So I guess your DH is being a bit PFB - most of the children will not go through to the finals - focus on helping her to feel pleased for the "winner" - that's what they do at DD's gym club and the girls are all very supportive of each other - a great skill to have in life.

DeWe · 14/05/2012 10:41

When I was at primary school we used to have a sort of talent competition. We called it the "Eistedford" and most people said a poem, and a few people would play an instrument, or dance or do something else. The judge awarded housepoints out of 10 for each performance (we didn't get told) and the best (in his opinion) would perform at an evening show, where they announced the winner of the "Eistedford cup". There was no nastiness involved-I remember the judge talking to one boy in my form who said a poem exceedingly badly-but he'd learnt a very long poem and it would have taken him hours to learn-and telling him how proud he was to hear him and being really nice about it.

Whast I don't like about the set up you've got is, are the children judging each other? Because without being nasty-it becomes a popularity contest. At primary school age imo very few children have the maturity to vote on the act, not on how much they like the person.

At the juniors my girls are at they do a talent contest judged by other children and firstly the winners are all children trying to shout a pop song over the top of a CD (usually pretty badly) and secondly there's always a few stories going round about how one child gave sweets to all the "judges" the day before, or one of the judges told everyone before they did it that everyone was to vote for their friend etc.

DeWe · 14/05/2012 10:43

That's not too clear-the winner of the "Eistedford cup" was a house, it was a house competition and we were encouraged to think that even if you said half a poem and forgot the rest you had contributed as you'd have got some house points.

manicinsomniac · 14/05/2012 10:44

Hmmm, I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable.

Our '...'s got talent' shows are only ever for Y5 - Y8 but I usually get a horde of little ones begging me to let them join in and I feel really bad saying no!

I wouldn't worry about children learning about rejection at any age. I actually think we're in danger of promoting a culture of over praising in children. They have to learn at some point that a) there will be people better than them at things and that b) they cannot be good at everything.

loopyluna · 14/05/2012 10:52

I live in France -liberte/ egalite/ fraternite and all that. On sports day, the children don't compete against each other directly, eg, they run individually and are timed. The total times of each "team" are added up and that's how they determine the winning team. Noone knows who ran the fastest/ slowest! I find this ridiculous and think that competition is part of life. If they don't learn to take knocks at primary age, it'll just get harder later on.

So, I know my kids would love to do a talenty thing at school as they are all blatant show offs and I'd encourage them. But, otoh, your DH is not alone in his school of thought and if he feels strongly about it, he's within his right to express his opinion to the teacher.

Goldenbear · 14/05/2012 11:00

5 is too young for children to actively promote the idea of one person being very talented I.e the winner and the rest being talentless. 5 year olds are very black and white in their thinking and will see it is just that. I know that it is difficult to persuade my 4 year old who is in reception year that despite not winning something like this it doesn't mean that he in fact has no talent!

It is demotivating at such a young age and discourages children from pursuing things unless they are the best, which of course could be true at 5 but with practice untrue in 4 years time!

tethersend · 14/05/2012 11:05

I am not against competition per se, but I think your DH has a point.

What Goldenbear said.

Ragwort · 14/05/2012 11:08

I just can't stand those sorts of 'shows' - the thought of having to sit through another one at primary school for my DS's 'leaving concert' fills me with horror .

I think they should be banned because they are so b**y awful.

VonHerrBurton · 14/05/2012 11:49

This sort of thing really pisses me off. Nobody is made to feel like coming top in a Maths exam is bad, so why should dc, a lot of whom may not excel academically, miss out on their 'moment of fame'?

Yes, the ..Got Talent angle is a bit tacky, but not to the kids - most kids don't see it as tacky, especially at that age.

A couple of years ago, a boy in ds's class who struggles massively with all things school - not just the lessons, but socially also. On sports day, he won all the races by a mile. They had the year 6 kids calling out 1st, 2nd, 3rd with a loud-hailer. His little face was glowing, he was so thrilled. A few people complained that 'just because they can't run fast they shouldn't be left out'. They don't do it any more.

Not everyone is good at everything, let kids shine at what they are good at, and learn to deal with what they aren't so good at.

BackforGood · 14/05/2012 12:01

What Sarcalogos said in the first reply.
I can't stand any of those progs on the TV, but I suspect this is an opportunity for all children who want to to stand up and sing a song / tell a joke / do a magic trick in front of their classmates, then, for the staff to decide who will be able to cope with doing that in front of a bigger audience, and everyone celebrating that talent. I can't see what there is to complain about there. It's a really positive thing that children who have talents other than at spelling or football, are being given the opportunity to showcase them.

Goldenbear · 14/05/2012 12:04

Yes but year 6 is very different to reception year in terms if level of understanding.

My point is I wouldn't want my DS to write off any activity or academic subject as being too difficult at 5 .....because he didn't win the top prize for the most talented!

kilmuir · 14/05/2012 12:07

thank goodness my Dc hate this sort of thing.

manicinsomniac · 14/05/2012 12:12

I don't think they're especially tacky? I mean they are, but not to children, they love them. I only started doing them because the request went through school council and was passed. Kids want it so why not? Plus, if you do it properly, witrh proper lights, sound, stage, star or glitter curtain, microphones and smoke machines, it's actually pretty impressive.

Of our 12 finalists last year two were of very low academic ability so it was lovely for them to have a success, 3 were of very high academic ability so it was good for the children to see they weren't 'geeky swots' or whatever (!) and there was a large group of 'cool' boys who I would never have expected to get involved.

Ragwort · 14/05/2012 12:14

'it's actually pretty impressive' - maybe for the children, but what sane adult wants to sit through it ?

DeWe · 14/05/2012 12:15

Von we had twins in my form at primary. Twin 1 was an academic all-rounder, artistic, very articulate, good memory so got good parts in plays, strong swimmer etc. Twin 2 was a fast runner...
I always look at the non-competitive sports days and think of twin 2. It was the one day of the year he did better than his brother.

My one aim on sports day was not to be last in every race. I still think they should do competitive sports days.

BackforGood · 14/05/2012 12:15

I think though, Goldenbear that it wouldn't be presented like that in school. It would be presented as the 'class' show being the fun time when everyone gets to showcase their talents. Full stop. End of.

The staff then ask a couple of children to 'represent their class' in the whole school assembly - just the same as you get 2 children picked to do all sorts of things all the time at school, from collecting class certificates in assembly, to representing them at school council. Lots of schools have 'star of the week/term' type awards or certificates for a particular focus that week or month. If your child were 'writing off' and activity or sport everytime he didn't get chosen for something, then I think that is the issue to be addressed, not trying to deprive others of their 2mins of fame/glory.

VonHerrBurton · 14/05/2012 12:16

Goldenbear - if, at 5 years old, a child 'wrote off' any other subjects because they were good at, say, singing, then I would say that was a parental issue.

My Ds would, at both age 5 and now (9), love to spend the morning playing football and the afternoon swimming - but that's not how life rolls, is it? They have to go to school and try hard with their studies.

manicinsomniac · 14/05/2012 12:17

Ragwort - well, unless they're a teacher they don't have to. These things are school events for the children, not the parents (at least they are at our school)

I'd enjoy it anyway though. Some children are seriously talented and, by the time you get down to a final, you have as entertaining a show as you'd get from a group of amateur adults.

Original poster

Whoneedssleepanyway · 14/05/2012 12:17

BackforGood that is kind of how I am imagining it will be...thanks everyone. Guess I will see how it all turns out....hopefully it will be done in a sensitive way.

OP posts:

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