to be annoyed with dh - sorry long

[scotland1974]

Bit of background. I am 24 weeks pregnant with a 5 and 6 year old. I am self employed normally working maybe 10-12 hours per week. Although as work is quite physical I have been trying to reduce this a little. I appreciate I am fortunate to be in this position especially now dc are at school full time. As a result I gladly do all the housework, everybodies laudry and maybe 90% of the cooking. Dh does the garden.I also do all the childcare pretty much.
This weekend I met up with my brother and travelled for 4 hours each way to visit a family grave for the 1st anniversary. Staying over Saturday night. Dh decided not to come. Took dc with me also. So by yesterday evening I was shattered emotionally and physically. Dh cooked for himself and dc. (something he knows I hate smell of at best of times) I made myself a sandwich. After dinner I did bath and bedtime routine and went to bed pretty much straight after as exhausted.
Came downstairs this morning to find crumbs over virtually every worksurface and hob. Frying pan still on the hob and all the washing up in the sink. (including box raw food stuff stored in. The whole kitchen stank.
AIBU to have expected him to clear up this once.
Incidently he also did 2 loads of washing as weather so nice. Something he never does. Should be pleased but it now means I have a load of extra ironing to do aswell.
AIBu to tell him that was not on. Well kitchen stuff anyway.

That wasn't on at all, particularly as you hate the smell and you're pregnant. Does he just not see the mess or has he left it for him to do later or has he left it for you?

I think he should be doing more around the house anyway.

Yes he WBU to leave the dirty pans out when he must have known you'd gone to bed straight away. Nothing worse than stinky washing up being left overnight and it wouldn't have killed him to do it.
But YABU about the washing. He did household chores you usually do while you were away, which is good. If you are tired, leave the ironing until you have more energy - who says you have to do it now?!

Hang on - why can't he do the ironing?

YANBU he is an adult and it's time he learnt to look after himself. Stop playing mummy to him!

YABU about the washing. He was helping out and that stuff would have ended up on the ironing pile at some point anyway.

YANBU about the other stuff. He should ahve cleared up after himself and helped you out a bit more.

YANBU, no way he should have left the kitchen in that state. I'm a SAHM with 2 school age children and my DH still does the breakfast dishes before he goes to work!