to think the idea of a 'dating' website is to go on actual dates

[Charliefarlie1192]

Im single. I dont want to be AT ALL, I dont do very well at it and want to meet someone. That said I do want him to be decent, kind, hardworking, FANCY HIM ETC.

I am on a dating website and get lots of messages from men I would like to get to know more, however all men seem to want is to chat back and forth, rather than meeting in person - wtf!? Am I wasting my time here?

Also, why do men always ask for more pics, I have 8 on my profile, surely thats enought to see i dont have 2 heads.....

Hello Charlie.

Given how expensive dating can be in terms of time and money I imagine the men are wanting to get to know you a little before committing to a date. Not suggesting you'd expect them to pay but even going dutch could work out expensive if you're having two dates a week.

With the more pictures, lots of people use old pictures on profile to appear younger. By asking for more they are checking they are up to date, ie now most photos come from digital and it's easy to chuck a few more over. If it's a hassle and they're being scanned on it implies the photos might be a little older from the time before everyone started using digital cameras.

In regards to you not "doing well" at being single, this seems like a bigger issue. A good relationship complements who you are as a person, as a whole person. If you're not doing well alone adding someone else's life problems, trial and the roller-coaster that it a new relationship may not be in your best interests. That said that's just what I gleamed from one paragraph so please don't be offended if I've got the wrong end of the stick.

How long have you been single?

Saying you "dont do very well at it" is not a great thing. You are far more likely to meet a bloke you like when you are not desperately trying to find one.

Most people (men and women) prefer to build up a bit more of a relationship with people before rushing out to meet them, and I think you sound a bit needy and overkeen.

I dunno, I met DP on a dating site - first time I'd ever been on one - and we chatted for about 5 weeks before meeting up. We were both quite busy and also, we wanted to get to know one another first.

I have to say, I met one guy on that site who said quite abruptly after about 2 emails, 'Look, when are we going to meet up?' I found him quite aggressive and got rid. You don't meet up with everyone you chat to online, and if you actually want a relationship with someone, that takes a bit of time.

Also tbh meeting up in the flesh is a big deal. One major risk of internet dating is that you really don't know who you're talking to. I mean, of course you don't know that the nice new chap in the gym isn't a date rapist, but there's less opportunity to judge body language, chance comments etc.

I only agreed to meet up with men who took the safety thing seriously. For example, telling me their full names and places of work/ 'real' email addresses and mob numbers first, meeting in a public place with no expectation of being alone the first time, that kind of thing. It showed they had nothing to hide. I would be wary of someone who pushed hard to meet up; you may be putting people off. Sorry..........

That's a very good post Debeez

I think you've got it spot on

I met dp on a dating website. I'd had quite a few email exchanges with some other men on there but after a few emails I knew it wasn't worth going on a date as we weren't going to be compatible. Dp and I emailed for about 5-6 weeks before I sent him my phone number and we had a couple of phone calls before we actually met for a date. I liked the emailing part as it meant I didn't spend money on dates that weren't going to go anywhere.

I was perfectly happy on my own though. It wasn't urgent in any way that I met anyone quickly.

You need to not appear too keen in the beginning. Men don't like to be pressurised and so I wouldn't ask them to meet up but wait until they ask you. Unless you are getting really fed up with the online communication and it's aking or ditch, then you don't have anything to lose.

Echo what other posters have said, it's best to be happy in your life than expecting to meet someone to make you happy, hope you arn't offended by us saying this. Time, seeing friends and some positive thinking can help you feel better about being single.

I would say that some guys do like to mess about with messages etc but I tended to avoid them. I met my DH OD and started a thread about it during the week. You might find some info useful. (Warning: Some people didn't like the 'don't have sex straight away' bit but I found it useful for separating the guys who wanted a relationship from those who just wanted a shag!)

And I TOTALLY agree with what others have said - you need to feel happy and complete in yourself if you want to meet the right guy, otherwise you are more likely to 'settle' rather than really holding out to meet the guy you want.

Good luck - it is a minefield but it can be a great success! :)

ODQ, it was sound advice and worth reading OP.

YANBU.

I used a dating website for a while, and found it a bit frustrating. In my mind, I was thinking, "This allows me to find men who are single, and I can see if we have interests in common and if I find them relatively attractive." So once you've found someone who ticks those basic boxes, then surely the next step is meet up with them to see if you have chemistry.

I concluded:

1. A lot of people are on there to flirt and make themselves feel big, rather than actually meet someone. These people will never meet up with you and will mess you around.
2. Some are just on there looking for someone to bump uglies with, they will start out sounding normal but then their messages/texts will quickly become obscene. I didn't want to meet any of these!
3. Some are actually on there looking to go on dates with women. These were the ones that messaged back and forth for a week or two, and if by then they hadn't suggested meeting up I would. And we would actually go out! (always for a drink at a busy pub, nothing fancy).

Basically, you need to wade through a lot of time-wasters before you get to people who actually are looking to meet up. I really don't understand the people who chat for 6 months with someone they've never met. Online personalities are not real life personalities to me.

Some friends at work were doing the online dating at the same time as me, and were having the exact same problems, so its not that we are doing it wrong. And 8 pictures is more than enough, I would be concerned that people asking you for more would probably be about to enter category 2...

Thanks Worra.

I met DP through OD and had to wade through a lot of crap and filth. I did enjoy the messaging side of things though, as a single parent at the time just chatting to other people outside of my small social circle was pleasant.