AIBU or is DH?

[scentednappyhag]

Bit of background, he's been in a foul mood all day but has been accusing me of being grumpy. He spent all morning playing pc games.
DD was resisting her nap and he said he'd go in to see to her. He slammed the door open, naturally startled her and she started crying. I came in to help reassure her and calm her down as she was clearly a bit frightened, he bit my head off as 'I make him feel like shit'. I hadn't said anything at this point.
He then went to bed to watch tv until it was time for him to have his nap before work tonight.
Now he's up, DD was eating her dinner, but decided halfway through she didn't want anymore. I got up to get her a yogurt, and again he's bitten my head off saying she needs to learn if she doesn't eat her dinner she gets no desert. I said that as she is only 18 months old, she probably wouldn't make that connection, and I'd only be on my own with a grumpy, hungry child that wouldn't sleep tonight. He thinks this is a stupid and selfish argument, and has immersed himself back into his pc game.

Aibu, or has he been a bit of a twat today? I'm sick of walking on eggshells all the time :(

Yeah he's a dick.

It's him but he sounds stressed or unhappy. Is there a reason for this? Are there problems at work? Home? Elsewhere?

He swore at you infront of your child? Is he always like this?

I don't know about the second half but yes he was a dick to slam the door open and frighten her however having done that could he have realised his mistake and felt that you appearing to calm her down would undermine his ability to calm down his daughter on his own?

He doesn't like his job, so I know he is stressed a lot of the time about that. He says he's looking for something else, but I never see him do so.
He's grumpy more often than not lately, and only really wants to sit on his computer, and he'll 'spend time with me' if I happen to be watching something on tv that catches his interest.
I understand he may have felt I was undermining him, but it's so hard to hear her being so upset without wanting to help reassure her.
If I mention that I'm feeling lonely or on edge around him, it turns into an argument about how I'm always reading too much into things, and he's tired, or that it's me that's grumpy which puts him in a bad mood it's easier just to pretend I'm ok.

twat of the highest order.
spoilt, arsy & childish.

He is bu, but then, you know that already dont you.

Tightwad- I'm never sure whether it is him, half the time I end up apologising as I'm persuaded his mood is my fault to begin with.

Doesn't sound like his mood is your fault in the slightest....

Ok from your other posts, he's just a dick. That's not reasonable behaviour.

Yanbu, he is a bully. What would happen if you stood up to him OP ?

He sounds like a right twat tbh.

Stop apologising - his crap attitude is his doing not yours. He needs to grow the fuck up and get on with life.

I'd be having serious words with him that would pretty much end with 'shape up or ship out as DD and I don't want to live with someone so angry and grumpy all the time'.

I stand up for myself occasionally, we have a blazing row, and then a few hours later he pretends nothing happened and asks if I want a foot rub
He never does anything specific exactly, so I can't talk to anyone about it without sounding like I'm just whiny, but I'm always worried something's going to set him off.
To be fair, I'm probably hard work to live with, but I'm just starting to feel worn out.

Devils advocate here -

Actually think he has a point about not giving alternative food when your dd refused to eat anymore of her dinner - your kind of making a rod for your own back doing that even if she's only 18 m.o. If she didn't want anymore then she didn't need the yoghurt.

Mind you that is easier said than done when you have a moaning child later in the evening - may be that is the time to give her the yoghurt.

Did it have to be you that calmed her down when he alarmed her? Might he not have felt under mind by your action of taking charge?

That said he should not talk his inadequacies or moods out on you and making you feel shitty.

Well, going on just the OP-he shouldn´t have slammed the door-but maybe it was unintentional-& I don´t see why OP had to "calm things down".

He gave his opinion about the yoghurt but you took no notice.

But there appears to be more to it than just this.

Bad mood, irritability and withdrawal from family life can be a sign of depression. Periods of sustained stress and anxiety can culminate in depression. If this is the case, he needs to be persuaded to acknowledge the damage his moods are doing. Do you think this is possible?

Playing on the PC all day (what does he play?) is also likely to affect his mood.

It sounds like a horrible situation - and it's him not you OP.

Whilst his behaviour is unreasonable i'd say you both sound pretty unhappy with day to day life.

Look at the bigger picture and maybe do something together that removes you from the rut.

Thanks for all of the responses, it's given me some food for thought.
I'll go and apologise for upsetting him about slamming the door, and maybe we can reach a compromise about DD's dinner time routine.
Thanks again everyone