Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send a short notice party invitation?

28 replies

PeppermintCreams · 13/05/2012 09:11

It's my son's 4th birthday party next Sunday. The gym venue which we've booked has a max of 30, so we invited the 26 children in his class, plus his cousin, older brother of his best friend, and the children of our best friends.

Today is the day that I've put on the RSVP as need to reply by, and I've still got people who haven't replied!

Would IBU to send a last minute invite to some of his other friends? Or is it too rude?

To put it into context I had one of these last week from a friend of a friend who gave the excuse that she's been a bit disorganised this year. We accepted the invite graciously.

They will be children who my son went to toddler group with, but doesn't really see any more. (but would be great to catch up with) One of the mums has already apologized to me that she couldn't invite my son to her daughters party because they'd invited children from school. I don't think the other mum will mind either..

OP posts:
Hebiegebies · 13/05/2012 09:14

TBH I'm not sure that this party is the best time to catch up with 'old' friends when you are 4. Why not invite them to your home for a play date.

Those who have not replied yet may still be planning on coming. Yes they are rude to not reply by the date set.

But last minute invites in themselves are OK

youbethemummylion · 13/05/2012 09:15

Think it is fine in theory but in my experience a lot of the no replies actually turn up so you run the risk of having too many kids on the day

catsareevil · 13/05/2012 09:20

You will probably find that people will continue to reply over the next few days, regardless of the date you have put on the invitation.

Groovee · 13/05/2012 09:27

I'd be wary of over inviting, what happens if they all turn up on the day and take you over numbers?

cece · 13/05/2012 09:28

I wouldn't - what would you do if too many turn up?

Original poster
PeppermintCreams · 13/05/2012 09:42

I've put on the invitation that they need to RSVP with their child's choice of food by the 13th, so I'm naively hoping it will stop people just turning up without RSVPing.

OP posts:
catsareevil · 13/05/2012 09:47

It won't. It should, but it won't

Original poster
PeppermintCreams · 13/05/2012 09:47

We've had some people definitely say they aren't coming so if everyone turns up it will be spot on 30, but a couple of baby siblings would have to sit on their parents laps, which they'd probably do anyway at 12-18 months.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 13/05/2012 09:54

Quite likely some of the non-repliers will still turn up, and you may still get more replies over the next few days.

parachutesarefab · 13/05/2012 10:00

Short notice fine - I've sent and received invites with only a couple of days notice.

But check that the 'no reply's are 'not coming's first, or you'll end up with too many kids.

olibeansmummy · 13/05/2012 10:30

I have this EXACT issue! Ds's party is next Sunday too, we've had 4 replies from nursery! Ds is becoming friendly with a little boy on the street but an invitation a week before the party is dead obvious isn't it?

ifeellove · 13/05/2012 10:35

A few of the non-repliers are bound to turn up and possibly an extra older/yonger sibling/cousin etc who wasn't strictly invited. Can you text the people you haven't heard from?

catsareevil · 13/05/2012 11:01

olibeansmummy

A week is probably OK for an invitation, they dont know when you sent the other invitations, or how organised you usually are.

TidyDancer · 13/05/2012 11:05

I would chase up some non-repliers first.

Welcome to the world of children's parties, btw.

ragged · 13/05/2012 11:12

ime, almost none of the no-replies will turn up, so would be fine; have done this myself.
That's not short notice, btw. DS4 got an invite 3 days ago for a party today!

FridayOLeary · 13/05/2012 11:18

Chase up the non-repliers. And next time, don't tell them where the party is, just give the date/time and ask them to RSVP for more details. That way you know if they haven't RSVP'd then they aren't coming Wink

ImperialBlether · 13/05/2012 12:06

Oooh that's a good idea, Friday!

MrsFruitcake · 13/05/2012 12:47

Do a ring round. At DS' party in January, I didn't have time to ring all the non-responders and so if they hadn't replied, I didn't make them a lunch box as I did for all the other children whose parents had replied.

Two turned up anyway, and one of them was an hour and 40 minutes late and I had to cobble together something for him to eat, which was a bit stressful tbh and I could definitely have done without it.

IMO, it's very rude not to reply and there's no excuse for it.

Original poster
PeppermintCreams · 13/05/2012 13:48

I don't have the telephone numbers of parents - otherwise I'd chase them up. Looking at the list, it's mostly parents who I know who have got back to me. Which might explain why the others haven't replied.

I like the idea of not telling them the venue, but it's a new building that's not in our immediate local area so but I put directions in with the invite. What I should have said was please reply by 13th May or we will assume you are not attending.

Ah well, this is going to be fun. Should I put Coke and glitter into "spare" party bags for the non RSVPers?

OP posts:
youbethemummylion · 13/05/2012 16:42

It's always best to have spare party bags anyway for any siblings etc who might come along

Ithinkitsjustme · 13/05/2012 16:50

Is there any way you can send a reminder out tomorrow? Just to say that you absolutley need to know by 6pm and if you don't hear then you will assume that they are not coming. I don't thin anyone is offended by last minute invites, the kids don't even notice and the parents know what it's like trying to choose who is and who isn't invited in the first place

MrsFruitcake · 13/05/2012 17:45

It is sensible to have spare party bags, but it is terribly rude for someone to just turn up and expect the sibling to be able to join in. This also happened at DS' party and I had to say sorry but I didn't have food for them, or a party bag.

Surely most people know that unless the sibling has had an invite, then it's not okay for them to come? I've turned down parties that DD has been invited to in the past if DH wasn't about to look after DS whilst she went.

zadigeist · 13/05/2012 20:07

I've invited people at short notice - particularly people out of the main group e.g. a friend from swim class or whatever, and people have always been fine with it and often come along. But you absolutely need to speak to the non-repliers first - I send an email about 10 days before. Some still don't care and replies dribble in up to a couple of days before.
It's so rude because it costs money to order the party bag stuff and you have to assume they are coming.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 13/05/2012 20:28

Yanbu they won't mind. My DD had a last minute invitation reently and she was happy to go...we understood the parent's reasons too...things aren't always neat are they?

Gentleness · 13/05/2012 22:30

I don't think I would have used a Sunday as an rsvp date - maybe don't make plans till seeing people at school tomorrow?