About cigar smoker on my picnic table

[Anchorwoman]

Ok first post here but my dander is still up after incident today.

At family event, castle near where we live doing children's day. I am feeding 8wk old dd on picnic bench while dh and ds are off playing. Drinks and baby stuff on table and buggy next to me.

Two women come and sit on other side of bench and one lights up a cigar and starts puffing away, I am down wind and so directly in her smoke. I turned around so my back was shielding dd but still breathing smoke and so look over my shoulder to see if woman has noticed. She clocks me and makes a half hearted wavy hand motion on front of her face. Continues puffing away and chatting to friend.

So I get up, stand a few feet away up wind and have to feed dd standing like a lemon for what seems like ages until she's finished.

I considered saying something but thought the fact that she'd almost certainly seen it was bothering me and didn't give a shiny shit would mean there was probably no point. I suppose she had as much right to sit there and smoke as I had to sit and feed dd but ffs did she have to choose the table I was at?

So AIBU to think she should have been the one standing out of the way and not me?

YANBU. She is a smoker, nothing gets in her way.I had bronchitis once and my friend insisted on having a smoke around me, even when I was almost collapsing from coughing, she just kept "waving it away". Its an addiction makes you completely selfish.

Why didn't you ask her to not smoke near you while you are with your baby?

YANBU I'm a smoker but never light up around DC mine or anyone elses.

anonymosity not all smokers are selfish just because your friend is don't tar everybody with the same brush.

YANBU to be pissed off but YABU to not say anything.

Sadly, people who think nothing of doing what this woman did is either not going to notice or will deliberately ignore subtle hints. You have to be loud in your request that she move as in "You perhaps didnt notice that i have a baby attached to me I am feeding my baby, but would you please sit somewhere else if you want to smoke?" said v v loudly.

I did think of saying something but she seemed to be so monumentally and knowingly inconsiderate that whatever I said would probably have ended up being confrontational. I was having a nice day so just decided easier to move. Then realised feeding wriggly baby standing up, outside, on windy day is actually quite difficult.

She was very disrespectful.Who the heck smokes around children whether inside or out.Cigarrs ? I cant remember the last time I ever saw someone smoke that crap. < boak >

Just a thought but is that area considered tge smoking area?

It was one of about 4 tables outside a little cafe. Not a designated smoking area but completely open so not restricted to non smokers. Cafe was closed at the time.

Actually isn't there a picnic table code of conduct that suggests you ask when a table is occupied if they mind you joining? She just parked herself. Hmph.

It is always polite to ask if you can share a table if there is no empty table available regardless if its a picnic table or not. However, you being there first can always say that the seating is being used if they don't ask. It is also polite to ask if one can smoke if you are sharing a table with total strangers.

I get that its rude to smoke around a baby. However, you were in the open air and there was no sign saying she couldn't smoke in that area. They had a right to smoke unless there is a law stating that you can't smoke 5 feet from a baby. In this situation, speak up for yourself or move. You decided to move. You can only control your actions.

There will always be rude people. Either speak up or shut up and put up.

YANBU. What a massively selfish action near to a newborn baby.

I also get why you didn't speak up. When you are sleep-deprived you don't always think straight or act as you would in retrospect, you just do what you think is easiest at the time - stand up and move away.

All smokers are selfish. The nicotine on your breath, 30 mins after you smoke is going to help kill your kids and all the people you love, and YOU, leaving them without you years before its necessary. THere is no, absolutely NO come-back to that.

To smoke near children is unforgivable. To smoke a cigar near a newborn and pathetically wave one's hand ineffectively is a new level of unreasonable.

I know you think you should have confronted her OP, but you were probably befuddled at the time.

I would have been outraged and most definitely have said "could you smoke that somewhere else? she is EIGHT WEEKS OLD"

There was man in front of me in a bus queue smoking when I had DS in a sling at 9 weeks old. He shouldn't have been smoking at the bus stop anyway and gave me a mouthful back "I've had a stressful day etc". I didn't care and made a scene.

Baby's rights come before smoker's right every time! (and I am not anti smoking but there is a time and a place)

I wonder if maybe she and you were coming at it from opposite perspectives? I don't have children, and MN is a brilliant source of reminders of things I otherwise, I'm afraid, wouldn't realize. I don't smoke, but I can imagine a smoker feeling that you could feed your baby anywhere, inside or outside, whereas she only has the outside smoking area that she can use.

I think she was inconsiderate and rude, but I think from her point of view, you were choosing to sit in one of the few places she could sit and smoke.

I smoke (away from my children and only very occasionally) and I would never ever smoke anywhere near a child and especially not even a baby. I wouldn't have done even during my pre child days.

If I had been the cigar smoker in the OP, I would have just stood up elsewhere and smoked away from the baby. You don't need a seat in order to smoke. To sit at the same table as a newborn and light up is bloody awful.

YANBU.
Anonymosity- nicotine won't kill you? I recall learning that it's a chemical made in the brain regardless of whether you smoke?

YANBU to be annoyed.
YABU because you didnt say anything to her.
SWBU to be smoking cigars they are fucking disgusting!

When I used to smoke (smug ex smoker for the past month) I always went by the first come first served rule. I'd find a nice clear empty place and spark up. People could sit or stand by me if they so wished but they couldnt then complain about the smoke. Bad manners to plonk yourself at someones table and light up IMO whether they have a newborn or not.

Lrd the cafe was closed. Do see what you're saying.

Abf, brilliant, well done!

I don't know tbh

I'm not a smoker but she was outside and few seats available. Maybe she didn't notice which way the wind was blowing?

It's not like she was smoking indoors or blowing it in your Dds face. I would have probably done the same as you op, moved but said nothing.

I don't own outside and it's my responsibility to protect my dd from smoke/ hazards etc

Oh, I'm so sorry! The coffee hasn't sunk in yet.

Ok, then she was just being an inconsiderate twit.

Thank you Stealth.

I was on the Ecigarette up until sometime last week then I developed tonsilitis and couldnt even swallow let alone inhale on vapours! So i'm now nicotine free!

Hijack over sorry OP.

Hmmmm so most people here would have said sth to her. Ok.

But as consensus other than that is that I ANBU, I hereby appoint myself queen of the above castle and condemn this smoker to the stocks. There to be pelted with rotten tomatoes at every family friendly historic reenactment of the summer.

I ahve just re-read "do see what you're saying" and am shocked that it sounds like an order. I meant, I do see your point.
Must proofread

I did take it as an order, but I also thought it was reasonable.