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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel guilty all the time

12 replies

lola88 · 12/05/2012 21:05

since having ds i feel like i never do enough i feel guilty if im not doing something while dp is at work if he's working why should i get to sit watch tv, feel guilty when my mum or mil take ds out like i should take care of him myself then feel guilty because they love him so much and want to spend time with him, feel guilty i don't carry him about enough but he's so heavy, feel guilty i get so tired and leave him with dp while i sleep but i know it's all silly.

I had a bad pregnancy and terrible birth had tears and cuts and lost so much blood 3 docs and a family member who is a nurse have said they can't believe i wasn't given a transfusion so for a couple of months before and about 3 weeks after the birth i was next to useless i feel like i should be making up for it now.

thank you to anyone who has bothered to read my ramble i know it doesn't make sense x

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 12/05/2012 21:08

Do you think you could have PND.

Littlefish · 12/05/2012 21:10

How old is he? Could you still be anaemic? I think you should go and talk to your GP about how you are feeling.

Original poster
lola88 · 12/05/2012 21:15

i don't know i've always been very capible and the one you go to with your problems it's not like me to struggle.

I'm still very anaemic i started to get better but then had a 2 week period with lots of clots that set me back a bit.

OP posts:
SundaeGirl · 12/05/2012 21:16

Awwwwwww. You feel messed up but none of this is your fault and it's normal to feel weird.

You must have been so exhausted emotionally and physically from the birth, I reckon you haven't made a recovery yet. You need more help and should make an appointment with your midwife/GP and say all this. And if you can't see someone until Monday you need to call a friend you trust who has young children and talk to her.

BTW, all will be absolutely fine. I PROMISE. But you do need to unscramble some of this.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 12/05/2012 21:17

How old is he? it's a big adjustment when you first have a new baby, particularly if you've had a difficult birth.

Don't beat yourself up over it - you get used to the guilt after the first 16 years Smile

SundaeGirl · 12/05/2012 21:18

'i don't know i've always been very capible and the one you go to with your problems it's not like me to struggle.'

I read somewhere that the more 'capable' a person is before children the more likely they are to get very down after a baby because they aren't used to seeking help or admitting when they are snowed under. Could that be you OP?

Original poster
lola88 · 12/05/2012 21:18

he's 3 months i do know i shouldn't feel guilty and ignore the guilt but it's still there just can't seem to shake it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lola88 · 12/05/2012 21:20

SundaeGirl yup thats me

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 12/05/2012 21:26

You sound like a lovely mummy who has had a difficult time. Time really does heal. Becoming a mummy is really really tough and it isn't a naturaly transition for many women. Lots of women seems so wonderful and perfect on the outside at this time - until they build up enough confidence to admit how tough it really was.

I hope you have a supportive family, you sound as though you do. You have become a mummy but remember you are still a daughter and a sister and a wife as well as a mummy and everyone loves you as much as you love your baby. You need them now just like he needs you.

Hope you also have a good doctor. You need to see him or her and tell him/her how you are feeling. You may need some more iron, you may need some time and some space or a little bit of a bolster to stave off early pnd which is nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever you need you need to get it sorted out.

Having a new baby is hard both physically and emotionally. The early days are a very small part of being a mummy and it really does get easier.

With love and best wishes. The most important thing for your baby is to make sure you are well.

sparkina · 12/05/2012 21:44

You feel guilty all the time.....................welcome to motherhood you are right on target!!!!!!! You never loose the guilt sweetheart but it does, I promise, get easier. x

WhiteWidow · 12/05/2012 21:48

Aww I just want to hug you! You sound like you're doing your best, don't feel guilty. And please don't hesitate to talk to someone when you're feeling down. Sometimes reassurance is all someone needs. If you start feeling worse maybe a chat with your GP would be worth while x

SundaeGirl · 12/05/2012 21:58

You need to get to the GP. This will all pass but if you do have PND you must get help for it. There's no shame in it.

I agree that motherhood comes hand-in-hand with guilt but I do also remember feeling guilty in the early months because I didn't yet feel like a 'proper mum'. It took a while to get my Mum confidence up and to not feel like an imposter. Also, at 3 months I was sooooooo tired, I couldn't really rationalise my feelings very well. I was quite sensitive and a bit out of it - lots of the other mums I met were too. I saw masses of them cry, it was quite normal in those baby weigh type groups.

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