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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or just petty?

15 replies

ragingmull · 12/05/2012 17:31

H and I both have a lot of work on at the moment and to be honest I have put my projects on the back burner so H can get on with his stuff as he has had a particularly busy week. I know I shouldn't have martyred myself but I was expecting him to do the same for me a some point.

Yesterday I told him I would take DC out in the afternoon so he could do some work and asked if he would mind doing the morning stuff. That was all fine. He then decided he was going to go out in the evening. I was a bit grumpy about it but I admit I was just being silly, asked him what time he would be back and he said "not late, before 2". Fine, whatever.

At 6am he rolls in with a waif and stray friend who often stays in our spare room. He wakes DS up who is in the bed with me as he has a cough, I tell H that he can sleep on the sofa as he stinks of booze, smoke etc and I don't want him sleeping in the bed with DS. Of he goes. It takes me ages to get DS back to sleep and then we get up at 8, obviously I am not going leave DS with H as he is in no fit state. H is in spare room and waif and stray friend is on the sofa playing with computer. He stays there, falling in and out of sleep until 12.30 when I tell him to either get up or go and sleep in the spare room.

I then take DC out for the afternoon as planned and I've just got in to find they have gone out "for something to eat". I am left to sort out dinner/bed time etc.

I'm fuming. H has form for doing stuff like this even though he knows it drives me mad/makes me anxious although he hasn't done it for a long time. Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 12/05/2012 17:41

I think it's ok if it doesn't happen often.

ragingmull · 12/05/2012 17:51

Noq I agree. I think it's annoyed me so much because he knows that I get in a state if he doesn't come home and I explained to him hundreds of times that I would appreciate it if he would just let me know if he was going to stay out later etc.

I would never stay out all night and not let him know.

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/05/2012 19:10

Nope- you're not being U- I'd be livid. I can't understand why a grown adult would not get in touch with you to at least let you know he's still alive. As for bringing the waif home and allowing him to sleep on your sofa, then going out for food instead of working (or whatever it was he was meant to be doing while you had DS? maybe I misread that bit) how rude!

TheSkiingGardener · 12/05/2012 19:13

WTF? Is he 17? He is behaving like a teenager with no responsibilities.

You are allowing him to do it.

I'd tell him to grow the fuck up to be honest.

GateGipsy · 12/05/2012 19:21

Why do we ask these guys if they would 'mind' looking after DCs, or if they'd help out with the DCs, or help out with anything around the house?

Are they doing us a favour? It is childcare right? Are we the carers, and they're not?

ragingmull · 12/05/2012 19:24

I know :(.

We are not really talking, he has bathed and put DS to bed. I feel to miserable and grumpy to do any work now anyway.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 12/05/2012 19:34

You're right that he should have let you know if he's staying out all night. I guess that would irritate me a bit because it's hard to get off to sleep if you're expecting someone to arrive back home, probably noisily, any time soon. I tend to wait up until Dh gets home as he always wakes me up and I can't get back off to sleep again.

peeriebear · 12/05/2012 19:37

I'd be bloody annoyed too. DH knows that if he goes out on a bender and rolls in at 3, he still has to get up and participate in family stuff the next day. No copping out allowed.

susiedaisy · 12/05/2012 19:38

YANBU op I would be pissed off at his thoughtless behaviour !

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 12/05/2012 19:50

I'd be pissed off about that. Several reasons:

  1. Him rolling in at 6am

  2. Him waking up your DS

  3. Him bringing a friend home

  4. Said friend lounging around on your sofa until gone midday

  5. Him buggering off out to eat without considering if you would like to go

  6. The fact that he has form for this kind of behaviour

Leave the bastard!

WhiteWidow · 12/05/2012 19:56

I'd be livid. It's all well and good him having time with his friends and having fun but I think he's behaved selfishly.

PurplePidjin · 12/05/2012 20:03

Can you spend the whole day tomorrow out somewhere, eg take laptop to place with free wifi and work?

He wiped out today for you, so fairs fair!

YANBU. How dare he let you down so badly, total lack of respect for you and your ds!

ragingmull · 12/05/2012 20:15

purple I was thinking of doing that but need to be at home really. I will ask him to take DS out somewhere.

I know, I feel like he doesn't respect me or care about my feelings at all. He treated our home like a doss house and now is making me feel unreasonable for it.

Waif and stray left with his tail between his legs but obviously thought I was being unreasonable too.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/05/2012 20:20

You need to become more selfish, particularly with regard to your own work. If he carries on being a teenager, you will need that source of income.

I would have told the guy to go home when I got up. I wouldn't want him sitting around, stinking of drink and playing on the computer.

PurplePidjin · 12/05/2012 20:20

Don't ask, tell! He is in the wrong here for fucking up your agreed plans!

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