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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel cinema trip today?

16 replies

ShutUpMeg · 12/05/2012 10:00

I'm a single parent and the kids go to their dad's house every other weekend. On the weekend they're with me I like to "Treat" them but it's getting bloody expensive. Cinema trips, bowling, meals out - I just can't really afford to do it and they're at the age where a walk around the park isn't really an option (early teens). Anyway last night I spent £15 on takeaway for us. Today I agreed that we'd go to the cinema (at least another £20 there). On top of this I'm paying (without help from their father) for two lots of new school uniform for september (school has changed the entire uniform so it's going to be an expensive job!) and 2 residential trips (totalling around £500 not including spending money) AND a foreign holiday due in August.

Today I feel like shit. Suspected tonsilitis. Bank account is looking rather unhealthy and I have an exam on Monday that I should really be studying for. The DCs are still in bed. Eldest DS said he isn't coming to cinema with us anyway as he's going to his friend's house - fair enough but youngest was hoping to go to cinema.

AIBU to tell him I can no longer keep to the cinema thing but will happily give him £5 to take out to the chippy if he wants to go out with his friends? that way I can rest my ill self and study for my exam? (and save some money!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpMeg · 12/05/2012 10:02

Should also add that youngest is going to a party tonight from 6pm to 11pm so he has that to look forward to also.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/05/2012 10:03

Of course you are not being unreasonable. No teen needs to be "entertained" every weekend. They are old enough to be out with their mates, doing their own thing.

madmouse · 12/05/2012 10:04

I think it's fine.

Now stop trying to compete with their dad in a way that your budget does not allow for.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/05/2012 10:08

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.....

Only spend what you can afford though. Treats don't always have to cost huge amounts....quality time is more important.

Children need to understand that parents can't always afford everything...and they do understand. So just explain it to them...

Original poster
ShutUpMeg · 12/05/2012 10:08

I'm not Madmouse, I'm trying to make up for the fact that their dad doesn't do anything with them Sad When they go to his house they're plonked in front of the xbox whilst he sits at his computer. I practically have to force them to go, they hate it.

I suppose, subconsciously I'm trying to be the "good parent" and it has to stop. Should also have added that DS2 is going Horseriding on Sunday which is another £20!!

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 12/05/2012 10:10

If they HATE going to their Dad's and he's not taking time to do things with them that they like...then why on earth are you making them go?

Doesn't sound as if it's in the interests of the child!

Original poster
ShutUpMeg · 12/05/2012 10:13

I make them go because he's their father and if I didn't, he'd more than likely take it to the court and apply for weekly visits. I have said to them if they don't want to go, they need to tell him but they won't, they want me to say I don't want them going!! err don't think so somehow!!

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 12/05/2012 10:18

I think any court would put the interests of the children first....

They clearly don't enjoy their visits and want you to intervene. They need more quality of time....can you not ring him and ask him to arrange to do things that the children will enjoy...rather than sitting them in front of the x box?

squeakytoy · 12/05/2012 10:19

I make them go because he's their father and if I didn't, he'd more than likely take it to the court and apply for weekly visits

I would suggest if he was so concerned he ought to put his hand in his pocket a bit more towards their needs. Anyway, they are old enough that nobody could actually force them to see him I would have thought.

Original poster
ShutUpMeg · 12/05/2012 10:21

I have, I get told he's not made of money Hmm (like I am??).

What annoys me is that he often takes his girlfriend's kids to things like the football etc and they're all going to Las Vegas next year!! (no I'm not jealous, I'm going to new york, which is miles better Wink

But yeah, this issue is really separate to what my OP was about. I feel guilty for cancelling the cinema but considering they've had takeaway, parties and horseriding this weekend, I'm not am I?

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheCorner · 12/05/2012 10:23

YANBU....we don;t do things like that every other weekend...most don't!

squeakytoy · 12/05/2012 10:23

No, you arent being unreasonable. Unless you have spoilt brats who expect to be provided with costly "treats", then your kids will understand that finances are not infinite, and you cannot afford luxury outings so often. Once a month would be more than enough, let them get on with doing things with their mates and you can have a bit of peace and quiet too!

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/05/2012 10:36

Is this one of those wind-up threads?

They've had takeaway, parties and horseriding this weekend

You are not well (they should understand that)....and as I say, there are cheaper things to do anyway....why do you (or your ex) have to spend vast amounts!???

Go for a long walk together, go for a drive, go swimming, do some cooking....there are infinite things to do that don't cost an arm and a leg.

Ithinkitsjustme · 12/05/2012 11:56

If he's old enough to stay out until 11pm then he's old enough to understand that you don't feel well and that your purse is not bottomless. Does he not have a part time job so he can pay for his own cinema trip?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 12/05/2012 12:06

Eh? No you are def NBU to cancel the cinema. You can't afford it, you're ill, they've done tons of stuff already. Teach them to deal with things not always working out the way they expect. I sympathise with the unhelpful dad stuff though.

Sallyingforth · 12/05/2012 12:14

Get their father to pay for the new uniforms!

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