To be jealous of how my DS is with CM?

[Maccapaccawacca]

DS is 16 months, has some hearing problems, glue ear etc. Every week we go to a singing group (thought it would help to have loud singing to help his language etc). We have been 7 times. Each week he spends the entire session stood on my lap, facing me (away from rest of group), clinging on, burying face in my neck. If I attempt to join in with any of the actions he clings harder.
He doesn't seem unhappy during this time (otherwise I wouldn't keep taking him) but very shy and reserved. That is pretty standard for him though, quite a reserved boy - I put a lot of it down to his ears.
My childminder also goes to this singing group (DS is with her 2 short afternoons a week)..so she has seen his typical behaviour.
Anyway, today she took him to the singing group instead of me. She said she was so astounded by what he was like she took a bit of video of him to prove it. There he was, running around with all the other boys, 'dancing' and pretending to sing along.
Obviously, i'm pleased he had a good time but why is he so different with me?Surely he should be at his most confident when his mum is around??I'm not a very shy person so i'm sure he's not picking up vibes from me.
I know they always eat better/behave better for childminders/ at nursery etc but this takes the piss mickey?!

He's like that because you're there and you're the person he's close to. The childminder is more of a neutral person so that's probably why he doesn't cling to her so much, so try not to let it get to you.

When I take DD to playgroup she always wants me to follow her around everywhere. The other day when I took her, I had to go to the loo. When I came back she had gone to sit on the blanket of her own accord to join in the singing with the other children. She would NEVER do that if I was in the room with her. I was absolutely amazed at what I saw.

He clings to you because you're the most interesting and important thing in the room.

When you're not there, the other children are the most interesting and important thing in the room.

Bit of a backhanded compliment

Maybe your groundwork has paid off, and he's now ready to join in more... I run groups for children, and it can often take weeks for them to feel confident enough to leave their mums and start to participate more actively. Some children just need a lot of time to observe what's going on, whereas others just charge in. Well done for persevering with him!

Also, (with my SLT hat on) if he has glue ear, his hearing will probably be fluctuating from week to week. It may be that at times he's quite sensitive to loud noises, or that he finds the noise level more overwhelming, and at those times he may prefer to stay closer to you...?

My DD is 3. When i'm not with her at nursery she joins in, sings, plays, eats lunch etc. When I'm around ... limpet!

Time to explore fun things and time to cuddle Mum sounds fine to me.

I had something similar with a child I look after. He went swimming with his mum and refused to get into the water, clinging and screaming. When we went a week later he was jumping off the side into the deep end! Couldn't take a video obvs but his older sister backed up my report to his astonished mum. Reminded me of Lou and Andy...

Try not to let it upset you. I also get the same thing with pre-school. My little one joins in everything and has a great time, unless I stay! I'd love to help out on the odd morning, but it has such an impact on her behaviour that it isn't worth it. It is a backhanded sort of compliment that he loves being cuddled by you more than he loves joining in.

My DD2 is a limpet when I'm around but fine at nursery 2.5 days a week. In fact she had a slight temperature this week and the staff knew something was up as 'you know how independent she usually is and it's so unusual for her to need cuddles'. I can hardly put her down and she's a hefty 20 month old.

Captainhook I'm a little worried that your DD is still a limpet at 3. I was hoping she would grow out of it by then.

My DD1 was quite the opposite and spent her entire time trying to escape from me so it's not down to parenting, it's their own little personalities.

My daughter has always been similar, even now at 4 if I go along to something with her she clings to me a bit and doesn't want to join her but when husband takes her she goes off and happily joins in.

I take it as that I have become a bit of a security blanket so I tend to avoid hanging around at parties etc now because she gets more out of it that way.

She is much better now than she used to be, but she has got better from me avoiding being the one to take her to things for a while, not ideal but is working.

Allegro don't worry - my kids are adopted and have had a fair bit of change in their little lives, so stage of relationships is a bit out of kilter with chronological age. I think she's probably doing at 3 what many kids would do at 1 - 2 if you see what I mean?
When she first came she wouldn't be put down at all under any circumstances and she was a bloody heavy toddler!

YANBU at all. Pesky toddlers with their Mummy fetishes. It might not have much to do with his hearing. My DD behaves exactly as you describe at music groups and as far as I know her hearing is fine. It is very noticeable that if I meet up with friends and there are other children she knows around she will happily toddle off but if it just her and me there she wants to cling to me alone.

It is possible that maybe an indication that the glue ear could be a little better. DD had truly awful glue ear till she was three years old and when it was at it's worst loud noises included loud group singing was horrifically painful for her. Due to chronic damage she still finds certain noises very painful such as large groups of children playing very noisy games and fireworks.
Having come out the other side of glue ear the single most important thing we did was making sure DD was able to see our lips every time we spoke to her and that we enucitated clearly. Due to the severity of her problems she has permanent hearing loss, but due to her excellent lip reading she now has it hardly impacts on her daily life.

My 12 and 9 year old are always perfectly behaved for anyone else. But with me they are a nightmare. They were the same when younger.

Lizcat- we have only just been re-assessed by audiology so I know it is a little better, but still pretty bad. It's not just the singing group, he's like it at most places that we go, but this is the first time he's been with anyone else so the first time I've been aware of the change in his behaviour. Your poor DD, so glad she has come out the other side of it,it's hellish