To think my ex was out of order

[FateLovesTheFearless]

Just before he arrived to pick up our 4dc for the weekend, I discovered eldest dd (7) had not put away her pens after using them like I asked her to do and my ds had had a go at redecorating her room with them. Unimpressed is not quite the word, this follows a week of my dd losing money for a school disco after me telling her to keep it safe in her school bag until she saw the teacher, breaking her bedroom window latch after telling her not to touch it when damaged, and pulling a hanging basked clean off the shed after telling her not to hang off it. Anyhow.

He asked me to get dd's snuggle pillow, a teddy type one that she likes to sleep with. I refused. Because I had asked her not ten minutes before to make sure all her bedtime stuff was downstairs ready for her dad. And she hadn't done it. I explained to her as much and whilst I was doing so, my housemate saw out their window that my ex was stood behind me making 'blah blah blah' signs with his hands to try make my dd laugh I presume.

I am really angry that he thinks it's acceptable and good parenting to teach our children to not take what I say seriously. There is a whole lot more to his irresponsible, childish, selfish behaviour. At this moment in time after being informed about what he was doing I am having to restrain myself from phoning him. AIBU to be so cross?

I completely see why you are upset, not sure what you can do other than re-inforce your rules in your time. My ex told my daughter, when she was twelve and i had grounded her indefinately for being caught smoking, to tell me to fuck off......really grown up, i sat her down told her that sometimes adults did the wrong thing because they wanted to be the favourite parent and i could understand because he wasnt there all the time and worried that she would hate him if he was too tough.....but my rules were the house rules. I know your daughter is younger but do address his actions, do not make him out to be the bad guy, just someone who is a bit mis-guided. My children, now adults, remember that i never once bad mouthed their father, but remember all his comments and actions. Oh and YANBU

I would never make him out to be the bad guy. I don't see anything as a popularity contest. Having been brought up as piggy in the middle between two parents who hated each other, I can assure you that's the last thing I would do. I suppose that's why I am as shocked and saddened by what he did as I am. I thought on that lev we were both agreed that we wouldn't do anything to reflect each other in a bad light.

Sorry fate, i wasnt suggesting you were intending to make him out to be the baddy, just sharing my experience, my ex pulled so many stunts like yours and i had to bite my tongue for years and rise above, i was being sympathetic.

I know you were! I just wanted to make sure anyone reading knew this wasn't about the more usual case of bitter exes determined to score points off each other. Thank you for the reply, I am glad to know I am not the only one.