to hunt down and kill the greedy fucker who ate my biscuits?

[DameHermione]

My Biscuits.

Not ordinary, communal, custard cream type biscuits.

My wheat free, free-from, special biscuits.

MY BISCUITS.

I left them on the dest at work, saving my last 4 for when I want to die between 4 and 6am. Left them in a little heap with my cranberry juice, my kindle and a folder of my worky stuff, so obviously not just left lying around.

I go and do some (very mportant and good) work, then returned to the desk and some greedy fucker has eaten them.

The packet is in the bin.

I mean, who the actual fuck just walks past and helps themselves to biscuits? It is simply not the done thing.

I really really hope they also had some of my juice as I had been swigging straight from the carton and it was a bit spitty.

I will track down the theif tonight. I have a list of suspects and they will be paying for their greed and gluttony.

Set up a trap!!! Maybe CCTV it is simply not on to steal a persons biscuits!

It osont ee

get your self a huge snarly dog a gun and off you go greedy feckers ,

I mean, who the actual fuck doesn't notice the WHEAT FREE signs on the packet and thinks 'oh these are pecial biscuits, i won't eat them'?

It's not normal behaviour.

I will purchase some more on my way to work tonight and lick them all.

YABU, a life sentence in Holloway or some equally hideous prison is not worth it, the loss of your biscuits is not worth the loss of your freedom! I would bide my time, find the culprit, wait until they make a cup of coffee and then possibly lace it with something very personal and disgusting - your choice of course!

I would take the packet to the police. The CSI department will finger print it and tell you who ate them so you can kill the fucker/fuckers

Your next step would be to lace a packet of biscuits with a laxative of some description and leave that on your desk.....

A sign in the office tomorrow morning 'For the urgent attention of the person who ate the special horse worming biscuits left on D.Hermione's desk yesterday evening please seek immediate medical advice'.

I was just going to post the same thing CaveMum.

Definitely set a trap. Perhaps sprinkle with chilli powder - then wait and see who is drinking pints of water through swollen lips.

YANBU I would be livid

'wheatfree' you say? Definately not the work of a 'cereal' thief......

Sorry for the bad joke, I am a 'gluten' for punishment

that actually is really bad. (I read your other thread about nightshifts btw)
They were on your desk not in the communal biscuit corner
They were gluten free which is not something that most people would pick off the shelf to take in to share and (I may be wrong) fairly expensive
I'm so sorry for the loss of your biscuits :(

cheekybarstew you are on fire. my sides ache. oh you are droll.

stealth.

you have my sympathies Dame someone stole mine when I was 8 months pregnant, they were my afternoon pick-me-up, they were in my desk drawer and they left the empty wrapper in the drawer

Was very tempted to do as CaveMum suggested but resisted the urge

This is always happening at my office, it infuriates me.

One guy some years ago was always stealing food from desks. One dept had had enough of him so they left a bag of dog biscuits lying around. The greedy sod didn't have a clue and wolfed down the lot

much better to leave chocolate laxative around...

I would sooner eat my own shit

Buy a bag of sugared almonds and then suck the sugar off and leave them on your desk.

I would get my snotty cold ridden DD to make me some chocolate cookies and not make her wash her hands, let her lick the spoon and put it back in the bowl.