to leave good friends wedding at 9.00pm

[mrsbuckett]

Very old friend , have not seen her in a long time.I was one of a very select few who got invited to a small VERY fancy wedding.

It started at 3.00 then on to hotel for tea, dinner etc. The alchohol early in afternoon made me sleepy.The intensity of the very small guestlist also left me a bit tired....I left after dinner/ coffee when all guests headed up to the suite.

Got home.Babysitting brother was horrified that I was home so early.He said it was so rude that I would leave when so much expense , effort , love etc and that bride would probably be upset .

How would you feel if this was your wedding?

Note I have 1 year old dd and 5 year old ds.It was a week day..

You have young children - if she's a good friend she would surely understand?

I had to do the same at my friend's wedding.

YANBU

I'd be very pleased you came, and would hope you had enjoyed yourself.

I'd not think you were rude!

Did you thank the bride and groom for a lovely time before you left?

If yes, then I think that is fine. I doubt very much that they would have lost any sleep over your heading home at 9.00pm.

Has to be better than you falling asleep at the party

Did you say goodbye and explain when you left? Or just slip away? Depends on the circumstances I suppose.

Call or text her to thank her for the lovely day and ask how the rest of the evening went. Apologise you had to leave so early but hope she understands. If she's a good friend she will. Does she have kids and understand how tired you can be sometimes? I probably didn't until I had kids myself. Now I totally can understand you, so long as you are polite about how you go about it.

I would be pleased that you came and stayed as long as you could. It is very difficult and usually expensive to find a babysitter for many hours. It's not like you left half way through dinner or anything like that.

I think so long as you said goodbye, gave the bride and groom a hug and wished them a happy wedding day it doesn't matter if you left early.

I would be so happy that my lovely friend whom I hadn't seen for ages had come at all, that I wouldn't care what time she went home, the fact that she organised a babysitter for her DC's even though they were so young, would make me appreciate it even more.
Your brother hasn't got a clue has he?
He either has no kids or a long suffering partner!

Did you tell the bride and groom you were leaving or did you just "disappear"?

We are taking DS to my very good friend's wedding in the summer and will stay as late as he can manage, I expect about 9pm. It's fine!

Week day as in work/looking after small people the next day?

Can't imagine she'd be too offended unless she's a bit sensitive. No point you being there if you were nodding off.

Tell her you had to shut your eyes as nothing you could ever possibly see in the future would compare to the beauty of her day. Tell her your eyes are still closed and you fear the moment you need open them again as even the joy and beauty in your children's faces will seem worn and grey in comparison to her radiance on that day.

I wouldn't have left that early. It's only one night. But a very important night for your friends. Having a 1yr old and 5yr old is no excuse.

I remember 4 people leaving my small wedding (14 guests attending) for only an hour and it really upset me. We were abroad and they'd gone to pick up some jewellery they'd had ordered. It really could have waited.

Yanbu it's not rude at all and when we got married there were several people who left around that time because they hd lung children

Had young children

And some older people didn't stay that late either, entirely up to them. There's nothing that says you have to stay to the bitter end.

I think it's fine.

Isn't your friend happy about it or is it another reverse AIBU?

I think it's fine. She can't expect to have a weekday wedding and have people stay late.

" There's nothing that says you have to stay to the bitter end."

They won't invite you to the divorce then?

Hopefully not!

um

i think it was maybe verging on the rude-ish, not so much that i'd be cross with you but maybe a bit disappointed that you left.

what time was it all meant to pack in?

i sort of think it is form to stay until the bride and groom depart, and if they have any manners that won't be too late.

I think if she is a good friend she wouldn't take offence at something so trivial. She will most likely be taken up with all that was happening on the day

When you say everyone headed up to the suite, do you mean to carry on after the official proceedings had finished? If so then that's completely fine.

As long as you didn't sneak off without thanking them and saying goodbye obviously.

It really isnt rude to leave i assume you didnt scoff your dinner and run out the door and it was a school night , your brother probably thought you would be out till all hours partying ,

a friend did this to me at my (small) wedding. I was a little upset because I would have like to have spent more time with her. But I understood why and she was very apologetic. She also made a special trip to see me after which was lovely.

So don't worry, but do explain why and spend a little extra time with her.

I don't really get why having a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old is relevant? I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old but I can bring myself to stay out far later than 9PM on a weekday (even though they both get up in the night, grrr).

Did you leave because you couldn't be arsed to socialise any more? Or were you earth shatteringly tired?

I would have stayed later, as it was a one off special occasion unless I was ill or pregnant or something.

I can and do stay out later. I think it was the afternoon drinking.I just got to that point where you cant really stay up and need a nap.I feel SO crap about letting her down.Have tried calling today and left nice message, appologising and thanking.