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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to call XP out on this

12 replies

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 11/05/2012 13:48

I've had a text message conversation with XP over extra contact over summer. He's claiming he informed me at the beginning of the year when he wanted the kids, it just so happens that dates he wants clashes with our now booked family holiday.

He has told me jack shit about when he wants them, I know he hasn't told me because since Christmas DH has been collecting the DCs (I've had terrible morning sickness so DH went instead of me) and it's really yanking my chain that he's claiming we've had a discussion that never took place.

He does this all the time, in his world I nearly always forget when he wants the DCs extra during holidays, and I lose most of his texts involving changes of plans.

He's obviously trying to guilt me in to changing my holiday dates and I just know that when he sees the DCs he's going to tell them I deliberately booked our holiday on those dates.

He's now saying ''I don't want to argue about this'', well if he didn't want to bloody argue, he shouldn't go around claiming conversations that never happened. I have actually told him this.

I know this is petty and I've read truly heartbreaking stories from women who have horrendous x's, but I'm just sick to the back teeth of this man being so scatty and disorganised, and then trying to wiggle out of it by claiming I'm 'forgetful' and thus placing the blame on me in the eyes of the DCs.

OP posts:
knowitallstrikesagain · 11/05/2012 13:54

I know it sounds business like, but you are going to have to start putting all requests for date changes/extra activities through email, then it can be proven who sent what and when.

That is crap though.

eurochick · 11/05/2012 13:55

Ask him to only communicate about these issues over email. That way he will be able to prove the conversation happened as he claims (which it won't have, by what you say).

SlipperyNipple · 11/05/2012 13:57

I agree with knowitall. Sorry your having a hard time.

Has he actually booked anything or is he not really fixed to specific dates?

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 11/05/2012 13:58

That's a good suggestion, thanks.

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 11/05/2012 14:00

You could actually push it back on him that you want requests by email

....As we seem to have issues with me 'forgetting' discussions can you send them via email from now on so I can keep track of them and you can reforward them* if there is any confusion...

  • Which he clearly won't be able to do Wink
SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 11/05/2012 14:01

If past behaviour is indicative of present. He'll claim some big important family event that the DCs must be there for*, or that his work won't let him change his holiday dates.

*Upon picking up the DCs I will discover that this big important family event was mysteriously cancelled.

I doubt he's got anything booked tbh.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 11/05/2012 14:04

"He's now saying ''I don't want to argue about this'', ..."
I generally find that this phrase is used by people ONLY when they know they are going to lose the arguement and is therefore a good time to press home my point.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 11/05/2012 14:16

just sent this text

As this isn't the first time there have been issues with me 'forgetting' discussions re. your access with the kids, and there have also been issues with me 'not receiving' texts. From now on all such discussions will only take place via email. That way if I do 'forget' arrangements you can simply reforward the relevant email.

OP posts:
helenthemadex · 11/05/2012 15:26

as others have said emails, that is the only way I communicate with my ex because it avoids arguments he is a knob of the highest order and lying wanker as well

TheLastNameLeft · 11/05/2012 15:29

Agree with the others about emails; I too have a stupidly scatty ex who has a memory like a sieve..any communication with him is via email then promptly filed under his name.

Noqontrol · 11/05/2012 15:32

Email is a very good plan. No room for error there Grin

AdoraBell · 11/05/2012 15:55

I agree, if he claims "you forgot" all the time, do everything in writing.

I do forget some things occasionally, but people using that to manipulate me really annoys.

If only to stop him messing with your head, switch to written communication and confirmation of that communication ie, if you write to him don't let him get away with "no you didn't, I have no such e-mail/letter" make him respond by asking Q's that need an answer. Don't get hung up on what the answer is, if you ask for a time to collect and he responds with "when I feel like it" ( not saying he will, I have no idea) you have confirmation that he got your request-keep it.

And if he writes requesting X keep a copy of your response on file.

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