Ds grandparents

[GeorgesMum2008]

Ex broke up with me when I got pregnant. His mother promised to help and support me etc etc (was 18 and at uni). Anyway ex see's ds 3 days a month, pays zero maintenance as he is at uni. His parents emigrated to abu dhabi, his dad teaches people out there involving bomb disposal and they are loaded. They are paying for flights for his girlfriend to fly out to stay with them there, yet I am struggling sooo fucking much with £££ Doing a masters, working part time and bringing up ds with minimal support from ex. I feel really angry and hurt that they don't help me out financially whatsoever yet pay for the girlfriends flights. I know it's not their responsibility, and maybe I am being totally irrational, but the fact they are paying a grand for his gf to see them, and earn so much. I am not money grabbing, haven't received anything towards ds in 2 years. It's just when i heard about these flights, I'm here struggling to even buy ds clothes that fit. Arrrgh!

As the GP are in Dubai have they actually seen your DS? Could you send them a photo of him and take it from there ..... You don't know what the ex is telling them .... For all you know they could be giving him money to give to you .... Could you contact the GP with the benefit of the doubt and take it from there?

They might not have a legal duty to support you but given the promises they made to you whilst you were pregnant, I do think they have a moral duty to help you support your son. I would write reminding them of their words back then.

Well done for doing so well on your own. With you as a role model, your son is bound to thrive.

They have seen ds after he was born they wanted us to go stay with them and we did. Ex see's ds one a month and when he lived with his GM she would see him then. I've told ex they can Skype whenever, give them my Skype address but he won't, he says they're busy and the time difference makes it awkward. No idea of their address, the only thing I have is Facebook, not that we are "friends", but thats my only potential method of contact. The thing is Im not saying I want them to start giving me money, the reason I posted was so I could understand if I was right to feel annoyed or over-reacting, as me and ex have just argued over it.

Why doesn't he ask his parents for a bit of help if he's already inclined for you to ask?

Ask your ex for their address and see if he gives it to you? I do wonder if he has told you the whole story .... Just because they won't skype doesn't mean anything necessarily, it might be an age thing.

I would be annoyed.

Technically they aren't under any obligation

BUT

He is. He is skint, so he borrows 1K of his parents and instead of using it to support his ds, he buys a flight for his gf so he can have sex with the sun on his back.

Whilst its up to them who they choose to give money to it is galling.

you are angry at the wrong people. your son's father is the only person who is obliged to support this child no matter what anyone else says they will do, they are well within their rights to never do it. the father on teh other hands has a dty to pay and you need to be chasing him for it.

Do you think they actually know he isn't doing anything? If he says that they are 'too busy' is that because HE doesn't want them to know what he is up to? It isn't beyond the realms of possibility that they have given him money expecting it to be passed on to their grandchild...

I understand your resentment. No, they should not be expected to help out but having promised that they would, I can see how annoying this situation is.

Having said that, I wouldn't contact them and ask for money. I would just make sure I made contact and say something like 'as we haven't heard from you in any way since your move, I thought you might like to see some updated photos of your grandson'. See what happens next.

I would write the whole family off an arseholes to be honest.

Very similar situation has happened to a friend, except as an added bonus the GPs are manipulative buggers who keep promising friend things and then changing their mind and telling her she agreed. Probably not surprising that such fuckwits raised her ex (who is also a manipulative arsehole).

Anyway - I think sending some photos is a good idea.

Brokering a scenario...

Maybe things have all got a bit out of hand, they've dropped the ball here and given their initial enthusiasm for being GPs still stands, they would perhaps welcome communication and the opportunity to contribute. Adding in a broken relationship and that they may be quite embarrassed by their son't behaviour, they could be rather nervous about approaching you.

If this isn't the case, well you've lost little but if I'm right, they gain a DGC and the resumption of your relationship with them which is priceless.

I'd say go for it.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You were (presumably) young and in a vulnerable position. The grandmother promised support. A lot of people would have believed her, too- after all, what grandmother would want to see her grandchild go without, when she was in a position to help? Sadly, people can be lying sh*tbags. :(

However, I think you sound amazing. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you've done so amazingly well with so little in the way of help. Your son will be very proud to have such a strong, resourceful mother. Unfortunately, the paternal side of his family sound useless twats, and I'm so sorry you've had to make up for that- it must be bloody tiring.

Can u tell ex that your lo has been asking about his gp and you think they should start getting to know each other? His reaction to this will tell you quite a bit. I suspect that his side if the story may be quite different to yours.

He says they skype ds when he is with him (his father)... Good idea about the gp thing though, I told ex ds has been noticing children's fathers more recently (he'll ask why 'baby' is with their daddy) and since then he's called every week so maybe it would help to say he's asking about gp.