To think that if you can't afford to run a car...

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

... you shouldn't assume 'rights' over someone else's?

I have a friend who passed her driving test four years ago. In that time, she has never bought a car, as she 'can't afford it'. She has, however, taken several expensive holidays, redecorated a couple of times, bought a laptop, an i-pad and an i-phone, and paid off £700 debts that her son ran up at Uni.

She frequently asks me for lifts and to run errands for her, using the phrase 'it's easy for you, you've got the car'. I don't, however, take expensive holidays, redecorate, own an ipad, iphone, or a new laptop, or pay off other people's feckless debts.

I own and run the car because I prioritise that above other things, not because I'm wealthier than her - in fact, theirs is a two-wage household and mine is not.

Perhaps 'assuming rights' was the wrong phrase to use but I find myself increasingly narked, not be doing the favours for her, but by her assumption that she can choose not to run a car because mine is available to her....

we have in our area some really good car clubs,

you pay £150, join up for the year, you can add family members for an additional £60,

any damage you pay the first £200,

two ways of using the system you go on line and book slots, different prices different times, or depending on length of slot you want,you also have a tag, if you just go up to a car(they are parked in lots of prearranged spots) if the car is available you can get in and book the car on the on board computer,

you pay for fuel,

but you don't have any other running costs, as long as you don't prang it, they have local parking passes.

our local scheme (a green cooperative)started with one car only a few years ago(we are rural) they now have a whole fleet stretching across the county, we have rubbish public transport here, one bus a week so you can either leave a village and have no way back, taxis are very expensive, and the local market town has parking issues for residents, so even the townies hate running cars they hardly use, and have leapt on the scheme.

the group started as they realised that people were running cars that really they only needed once in a while,

lots of families around here have joined so they can avoid running that second car,

cost wise it works out brilliantly for all the day to day little trips,one or two days, but if you were planning a two week road trip, you will probably find that you can negotiate a better deal with a local hire company,

the friends that use the scheme as their only car access, have worked out it it is very cost effective in comparison to running a car full time.

you have to be 21 to join and declare any points on license.

these schemes are being rolled out country wise, and certainly the very successful green one here is mentoring other schemes popping up around the country, the one here started with a second hand estate, within a two years it a fleet of very green vehicles.

because the scheme is so popular, it expanding very fast, costs go down, and quality went up.

If you don't have one near you, there a lot of help out there to start one,

have a look for one nearby for your friend.

YANBU.

I agree with others that you should make your car less available to her. Especially if her lifts / errands mean that you are driving out of your way just to do her a favour. Fuel prices are just getting silly now, and you need to prioritise your own families needs.

Until recently, I was car-less but have never asked for lifts. If they've been offered then it's because we're going to the same place and I always offer petrol and parking money (though no one has ever accepted it).

Now I've bought a car, I am looking forward to return favours and have even bought an extra car seat to accomodate DC's friends.

I don't drive and often get lifts to various places from a friend... But I always, always offer money for the diesel used to do it. Sometimes it gets accepted, sometimes it doesn't, but I'd never dream of not offering it.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, she's taking the piss.

I was a non driver till recently, I always offered either petrol or some kind of other favor in exchange, I HATED asking and did it as rarely as I could (took a taxi if possible instead of getting into that dynamic)

so IMO she is taking the piss!

I don't drive. I use taxis or get the bus, or even, shock horror - WALK!

Your 'friend' is taking the piss.

YANBU

I can see how it would feel awkward to ask for petrol money as she has never offered so I would just make excuses until she stops asking

Your friend is being cheeky. And she can afford to run a car, she just chooses not to.

YANBU to be annoyed but why are you letting her behave like this? Just say no and see whether she decides that a car (her own) is necessary after all

I dont drive either and ate asking for lifts. shes royaly taking the piss not even offering any petrol money.
just say No as its obviously bothering you. obviously shes not going to see a car as a priority if 'friends' can drive her about.

YANBU - why don't you say next time "It's got nothing to do with luck - the reason I have a car is because I prioritise financing once over buying iphone/ipad/os holidays etc".
Let her know!

Quote, that scheme sounds great. What about insurance?

that is included, in the sign up fee, and covered by having quite a high excess, you pay the first £250 of any repairs,

we joined when our eldest was back last summer from uni, he wanting to buy a run around, for the summer, as it would be far to costly to put him on our vehicle insurances, the city he is in for uni, has great public transport, and he doesn't need a car up there,

when we looked at what DD1 would be using the car for, it made far more sense for him to use the scheme, so we joined and added him as a family member,

he used it for little trips out and about, got lots of practice in as he has driven much, found it very handy,

he found the booking on line easy, cars five minutes away, they sensible have spread the drop spots out all over the place, so there is always one close.

we have an account, and your payment for hours when your have your slot just link to your account,

there are several system in place to report anything in the car that needs attending to, and you leave it with fuel up to half way, on board computer tells you how many litres to add, all very fuel efficient, so fuel cost are low,

no worries about on going maintenance, which when we gave DD1 an idea about he soon did the maths and jumped on the scheme.

I know quite a few of the friends using the city based schemes have given up their cars and say the savings(including giving up residential permits) have more than covered the joining scheme, costs and hire costs for longer road trips from other hires throughout the year,

Edinburgh, seems to of taken off, as the cost of keeping cars in the centre was escalating,

lots of them going on around the country.

I've just googled and found a good one,
www.moorcar.co.uk/

quite like the one we are on,

they seem to be popping up all over, the more people that use them the cheaper they get,

we have found it handy on quite a few occasions when one of our vehicles has been out of action and in ten minutes we have a car for a day, without hassle,

I have a four wheel drive which cost a lot to run, but I have to have four wheel drive, as I drive around steep fields, off road for work a lot, so borrowing one of the car scheme cars that uses very green amounts of fuel to do a city trip, or run about makes sense.

You clearly do mind, or you wouldn't be thinking along the lines you have mentioned in your op

So say no. Tell her. Say that you can't because petrol is so expensive and you are sorry, but you just can't do all this running around for her unless she puts something in the tank.

And say no sometimes. Just because. It's always good to say no sometimes. It reminds them that you have the right to say no. Always say yes and they start to think that you have an obligation to say yes!

"It's not luck. I chose to buy a car. I could have chosen to have lots of holidays and gadgets instead. But I chose to get a car to transport me around."

If you can't be honest with someone you call a friend, can't tell them when you feel they are taking advantage - what kind of friendship is it?

She says "you've got 'the' car". Cheeky cow, it's not as if she's paying 50:50 and you own it between you.

Next time, say it's not possible.
If she protests, say it's just not possible.
Repeat as necessary.

When she looks puzzled, tell her that your insurance doesn't cover fare-paying passengers.

When she says she wasn't going to pay - tell her that seeing she treats you like her own personal taxi, you thought she was going to offer.

Or, do nothing (what I'd do) and come and fume on here.