AIBU to hate small minded judgemental parents?

[Brightspark1]

DD has MH problems and spent 3 months last year on an adolescent psychiatric ward. When she was discharged she was so looking forward to going back to school. At first her 'friends ' were supportive, but gradually withdrew from her, especially as she didn't go back full time. She felt so hurt and rejected, especially as there were loads of rumours being spread about her. (it was bullying that was part of the problem in the first place. Now I find that some of the parents of her 'friends' have told their kids not to speak to her or have anything to do with her. FFS do they think it's catching or something. I can't believe people could be so mean and stupid and small minded.
I am so angry and upset for her

It's the way some people are, Brightspark and it's very sad. It starts off with seemingly innocuous judgements about things that don't seem important and it sets a trend. I think some parents don't realise that their children pick this up too and start behaving in the same manner.

It's very short-sighted - and wrong. You never know when you will need tolerance, goodwill and understanding extended to you and yours.

I'm sorry for your daughter... what will you do? Is there any merit in talking to these blinkered parents?

A lot of people can be frightened by what they think of as unpredictable behaviour attached to the label of mental illness.

It can be frightening enough for the people who have mental health problems, so look even more frightening from the outside, maybe a bit like death, if you don't think about it's less likely to happen.

It's understandable (and I really do believe that) but obviously wrong in most cases.

But then, many children and adults are mean, stupid and small minded without the person they're being shitty about having mental health problems.

Hope your DD doesn't let them get in the way of feeling better

That is so horrible, Brightspark - your poor dd. Could you have a word with the school and get them to talk to her year group about mental health issues (in PHSE, perhaps) - maybe even get a community psychiatric nurse in to talk to them?

Sad to say that you may well not be able to re-educate the parents, but this will definitely not be the last time the kids will encounter mental illness - it might touch theor own lives - and maybe they could become more understanding and accepting.

Are there any support groups local to you where your dd could meet other teens who are going through similar experiences?

I did go to the support group at the CAMHS unt where DD goes, and I was the only one to turn up! YoUr idea of getting someone to talk to the year group is a good one and I hope they do that. But it will be too late for DD as not surprisingly she isn't staying on after her GCSEs. I just hope she can make a fresh start at college. It breaks my heart to see her so lonely.

The difference in outlook, both from the tutors and students, at college was amazing compared to school IMO

Much less small minded and more friendly/inclusive.

That is awful. It's exactly why when I was discharged from the mh ward just before my last year at school everyone (except teachers) were told that I'd been ill physically rather than mentally. People are cruel and unfortunately there are plenty out there who would rather judge than understand. I truly hope she gets better soon and can see that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. You sound very supportive and believe me that will mean the world to her. My parents have never been supportive of me in that way

brightspark1, I hope your DD is on the mend now. I can't say if you are BU or not, as a lot depends o the reasons for the admittance to a psych ward, which I fully appreciate are not something to be discussed on an internet forum.

My first reaction is that if your DD had been admitted becasue of an eating disorder/self harm, I think I would be wary, but I wouldn't forbid my daughter from befriending someone with MH issues (current or in the past) - I probably wouldn't encourage an active friendship outside of school if it was an eating disorder/self harm.

However saying that DS self harmed (between the ages of 10 -14) to cope with his father leaving and setting up home with his new partner and her toddler and his nanna dying both within 3 months and his friends were so important to him and he's never been a "danger" to his sister, So on reflection, I'd take off my small minded judgemental pants and let DD decide if she wanted to pursue a friendship.

I hope the parents you refer to are also capable of rethinking their attitude, after all, MH issues touch most of us at some point.

Brightspark - I certainly found that things got better when I changed schools at 16 (my school didn't have a Sixth form) - it was almost as if the kids who'd been bullying me grew up over the summer. Hopefully your dd will find the same thing.