Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that my boss should be being much much nicer to me?

10 replies

Coops79 · 09/05/2012 18:31

This is basically an extended whinge due to a crap day. Bear with me. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first child. I work as a teacher. I have not had a day off for sickness at all in the last 3 years. I often have to cover for my boss who has had various health problems (not her fault obviously). I have met every deadline set without fail; the rest of my department (including my boss) does not. I'm not the world's best teacher but I think it's fair to say that I work hard and do my best for the kids.

Since announcing my pregnancy my boss has repeatedly told me that the department will not cope without me (not because I'm brilliant but because the school is going to cover me internally which means all the exam classes will be distributed between the remaining staff). That she and the rest of the department is going to be overwhelmed with stress. At one point she implied that she thought I might not have a job to return to.

I've been struggling a bit in the last couple of weeks as all the rest of the staff know. I'm getting a bit of Braxton Hicks and starting to feel a bit tired. I'm trying to put all my energies into getting everything ready for the people taking over my classes and writing a scheme of work (as well as obviously teaching my current classes). My boss has thrown in a new deadline (tomorrow!) which I can't possibly meet (I have to have 150 essays marked which I collected in over the last two weeks) and that I will be judged on.

I realise I could be cracking on with them now rather than moaning but I feel like I'm being deliberately caught out despite having helped her out on a million other occasions. I've no idea what the point of this check is but she's moved/missed tonnes of deadlines that she can't meet but she won't do it for me.

AIBU to think that she owes me a bit of leeway? She hasn't even asked how I'm getting on at any point in the last few months. I realise I am probably just being whingy preggers lady.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 09/05/2012 18:35

It's not a question of what your boss "owes" you (although it sounds like she owes you some respect and appreciation for the job you do and commitment you show)

Your boss should not be making you feel like you won't have a job to come back to nor implying it. You have very strong rights at work when pregnant. You need to have a word with her about how she is making you feel and extract an apology and an assurance that she was not making such an implication and a revised an realistic deadline on those essays.

Coops79 · 09/05/2012 19:31

You sound very wise catgirl. :) I know you're right, she doesn't owe me anything really but it'd be nice if she was nicer! As for apologising about the implication that I might not have a job, she was not implying that she would take away my job but that the school would not need me because they're not bringing in outside cover.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 09/05/2012 19:40

When are you going on mat leave? Are other staff not teaching to their full quota, or are staff with the leaving/left yr 11 & 13 taking up your yr 10s etc?

anyway - any hint of 'we don't need you' is hugely controversial so she should be careful about that. also causing stress can be seen as discrimination. does everyone else have to meet the deadline that she's set for you?

is it just the typical 'teachers are tough so toughen up' attitude, or is there more than that going on?

also - you may want to help your classes by putting together work for them, but from the moment you step out that door on your last day you are a free woman, and have NO obligation to be grading papers or writing lesson plans.

When will you be going back, will you have cover for your classes in Sep?

catgirl1976 · 09/05/2012 19:43

You cannot lose your job for going on maternity leave. They have to keep your job open (or a job on same pay and at same level depending on the length of your mat leave)

I would try talking to your boss - she may just be worrying about how she will cope without you and not reaslie how badly she is coming across

marriedinwhite · 09/05/2012 19:48

It's sex discrimination and potentially bullying. Keep notes of all conversations, dates and times. Her behaviour is outrageous.

You are entitled to an equivalent job at the end of your maternity leave. It is possible to make a someone on mat leave redundant but there needs to be a very very strong case.

Ultimately the two most important things at present are you and your baby. The work takes a very low priority in comparison. You need to make it clear that you cannot fulfil unreasonable demands at present and I would be minded to factor in a GP appointment and ask for a "fit note" that says "fit for work but cannot fulfil more than contractual hours for four weeks".

DizzyKipper · 09/05/2012 19:48

It does sound to me like you may be being discriminated against. As catgirl has said may be best to try talking with her. It sounds like she is being unfair and it is always nice to have some appreciation! (btw 33+3 over here so you've got my sympathies Smile )

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/05/2012 20:18

Quite honestly, the 'be nice to me' makes me cringe. I think you should be business-like because this is your job. If you can't meet the deadline, tell your boss so - and give her the deadline that you WILL be able to meet.

Plan what you want to say beforehand and know what your next steps will be if that doesn't' work. You can't be expected to do more than you can do whether you are a man or a woman, pregnant or otherwise. Be reasonable and expect nothing less from your boss - and make that very clear fro the outset.

griphook · 09/05/2012 20:54

I maybe being naive but surely the fact that you are pregnant is irrelevant, to change your deadline of marking 150 essay by tomorrow is completely unreasonable and unrealistic for anyone pregnant or not, personally I would ignore the pregnancy and speak to her about changing the deadline

quoteunquote · 09/05/2012 21:00

If you feel you have to go into to work tomorrow,do so,

but on the way home go to the doctors and get signed off for two weeks,

your description of your day and work environment rings bells,

I suspect that if your body and mind was not having to also cope with pregnancy, you would be closer to the water off a duck's back coping strategy,

you must listen to your body, it's trying to look after you and baby,

I have had endless pregnancies, some I have worked up until the last moment, and some I have had to take real stock as to what is the highest priority at that precise moment, I don't think I have always been successful in the decision process, with much regret,

A contributing factor in my choices has been my over commitment to my work environment, and heightened sense of obligation to others,

take the two weeks, turn the phones off, have a swim, hot baths, rest, give your body a boost into doing some really important work,

don't paint, shop and other energy drainers,

If you don't feel it was really what you needed, go back,

if you suddenly find that it has really changed how you feel physically and physiologically ask the GP to continue your sick leave,

the times I did stop and really take stock and gave myself a chance to hear what my body needed, had far better outcomes than when I foolishly carried on and it went on to have long ranging effects.

I hope you feel better soon.

maddening · 09/05/2012 21:08

she can hint all the fuck she likes - legally she would be wrong as the law protects your job.

If you manage to meet the deadline or not- once your work is completed then do tell her you feel she has failed you and this has disappointed you enormously considering your past performance both as a teacher and a colleague

New posts on this thread. Refresh page