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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to smack SIL in the face!

26 replies

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 09/05/2012 16:20

Ok, some background which (I think) is relevant,

OH left me in November 2009, after nearly 9 years, we have 2 sons together. Then last summer we got back together, but am taking things slowly, still not living together etc. He has said he doesn't want anymore children ever, as he feels 2 is enough. I would love to have another 1 or 2 but not for a few years yet. Like I say we are taking things slowly so a baby wouldn't be a good idea right now. Plus I am going to college in September, and hopefully to uni next year to start the career I have always wanted.

His sister has just had her 3rd child, and we went to visit them at the 1weekend. I was cuddling DN, and OH looked at me and said 'awww bless! We aren't having anymore though' SIL pipes in with 'I think everyone should have at least 3 or 4 children, as it is better for them to have lots of siblings!'

Maybe IABU but her comment made me so angry/upset. Firstly who says children are better off with lots of siblings? If there as been a study that proves that I must have missed it! Secondly how does she know that we want/can have/can afford more children! Surley it would be irresponsible to have anothe baby in our current situation!

I want another baby so much it hurts sometimes, but have (almost) accepted the fact that it might never happen. :(

(Obviously I wouldn't actually smack her in the face, but you know what I mean!)

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 09/05/2012 16:22

You want another baby in the future, he said to her he didn't and you are complaining because she was saying something that backs up your wanting more children.

Confused
overmydeadbody · 09/05/2012 16:23

I tihnk you are over reacting.

Your SIL just offered her opinion.

How come your DH's comment doesn't bother you but your SIL's does? Hmm

LadyKooKoo · 09/05/2012 16:24

Does your SIL know that you want more but DH doesn't? If so, then maybe she was saying that to fight your corner? Either way, I think that you are sensitive about it because you want more children and DH does not, I don't think SIL was in the wrong.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2012 16:25

She's only saying what she personally thinks

You don't have to agree with her.

I think you're being a bit understandably touchy because of your own situation.

DaenerysTargaryen · 09/05/2012 16:25

Yh, I would have taken it as if she was backing you up actually, maybe she knows you want more and thought she'd put in a word for you?

laptopcomputer · 09/05/2012 16:25

Sorry, I think you are over reacting to a throwaway comment from a woman in the throes of a brand new baby.

HecateTrivia · 09/05/2012 16:26

I think you're overthinking it. Understandably, given your situation. She's just had a baby, her hormones are flying all over the place, she's got this brand new squishy baby and she's in that happy place after the birth when you think you want another 10, you know, before the sleep deprivation kicks in Grin and she just made a pointless remark.

I doubt she aimed a barb in your direction with intent to hurt and criticise.

I do think that you need to talk to your partner. There is an incompatibility here. If your long term involves one or 2 more children and his doesn't - you two have a problem.

I'm sorry that it's upset you, but do you think it's upset you because you recognise there's this elephant in the room about future children?

squeakytoy · 09/05/2012 16:27

I think you are over-reacting somewhat and also seem to be contradicting yourself.

You say in your first paragraph that you also want more children.. so why get so irate with her???

I would say that you are right, bringing another child into what sounds like a very iffy relationship is not a great idea.

I think the real issue is with your husband. You want more children in the future, and he is adamant at the moment that he doesnt. Your SIL doesnt appear to have been suggesting you get yourself pregnant though. She was just making a comment.

Cluffyfunt · 09/05/2012 16:27

Maybe your sil knows you would like more dc but your dp is against it, so she could be on 'your side' and trying to talk him round?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/05/2012 16:28

Once again (I have said this on about ten threads recently) your problem is with your DH and not your SIL.

In fact she's on your side.

ViolaCrayola · 09/05/2012 16:28

Yes, as Worra said, it's understandable that you are touchy due to your situation, but this doesn't sound like SIL did anything that bad.
She said a silly generalised opinion but she was probably sleep deprived. I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings.

IvanaNap · 09/05/2012 16:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Tryharder · 09/05/2012 16:29

Yanbu. Comments like that are tactless and idiotic.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 09/05/2012 16:30

You are being over sensitive, unless of course she knows everything you've told us? Even then she's just had a baby so maybe you are not her biggest thought right now.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 09/05/2012 16:37

I realise now that I have written it down how it all sounds! Blush so maybe everyone should ignore me!
I doubt she would be backing me up, we have always had a very strained relationship and she makes all sorts of comments putting me down, and always has done. She doesn't know I want more, I've never mentioned it.
I agree me and OH need to discuss this, when I tried he said he will consider more i the future, but then tells everyone else he doesn't want more.
I'm not really explaining myself too well, maybe you should all ignore me and I'll drink Wine Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 09/05/2012 16:39

Tryharder that's what I thought! Glad you understood what I was trying (and failing) to say! Grin

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 09/05/2012 16:40

I think your sil's comment has just made you upset as its brought home how much you do want another child, and you have compromised alot by the sound of it to take back your OH, but he is the one deciding how many children you can have....so you ate directing your hurt and frustration at her rather than him

ABatInBunkFive · 09/05/2012 16:40

YY to drinking Wine that is never unreasonable. Wink

Original poster
IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 09/05/2012 16:42

Sadly I am all out of Wine I have a bottle of cranberry cider somewhere though Wink

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 09/05/2012 16:44

i think you are very emotionally sensitive about more children and yur sister in law didn't say anything wrong jus that to you it was hard to hear. i understand how you feel but i dont think she was to blame tbh.

HecateTrivia · 09/05/2012 16:45

nah, don't be daft. Nobody should ignore you. This situation is obviously hurting you. You do need to have that conversation with him though. It's a hard one, because, well, what do you do if you can't reach agreement? It's a biggie.

She hit a nerve, that's all.

iloveACK · 09/05/2012 16:46

I think Worra has it in a nutshell & you really need to speak to your DH about how you feel. Hope it goes well.

MummytoKatie · 09/05/2012 16:46

She was a bit insensitive but we all say mad things in that post baby glow.

I think it is more important that you think carefully about whether you get back with a man who doesn't want more kids when you obviously want another one so much.

HecateTrivia · 09/05/2012 16:46

Oh, but can I just say - if he's fobbing you off with vague "in the future" please be careful to not get to 50 and look back and realise hey, that 'in the future' never did come.

HillyWallaby · 09/05/2012 16:52

You want another baby in the future, he said to her he didn't and you are complaining because she was saying something that backs up your wanting more children.

Yes. That. ^