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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about dropping dd off at a party.

25 replies

GobblersKnob · 09/05/2012 12:41

Dd is iin reception and has been invited to one of the other girls birthday parties. She has just turned four and has speech difficulties for which we are awaiting speech therapy. Have just spoken to the Mum who I don't know beyond a hello and a nod at the gates and she has requested that none of the parents stay as there is not enough room. Feel a bit wibbly tbh, should I send her anyway? Am I being a twat?

OP posts:

Seeline · 09/05/2012 12:44

What sort of party is it? At her house, in a hall or at a specific venue? Also what is planned for the party eg just games, or an entertainer etc?

savoycabbage · 09/05/2012 12:44

You are not being a twat but it is more likely than not that your dd will be fine and have a good time. She will be with her friends and you can leave your number in case there is a problem.

booboobeedoo · 09/05/2012 12:45

Aww... She'll be fine, with other children she already knows. You can settle her in and come back a smidge early, shll have a great time .

sugarice · 09/05/2012 12:46

Four is so young and no you're not a Twat.,Will your little girl be okay without you? I'd explain to the Mum how you feel and if she's still a bit snotty about you staying I'd probably err on the side of caution and linger anyway just to keep an eye on your dd.

booboobeedoo · 09/05/2012 12:46

Oh btw how come she has just turned 4 in reception are you in UK?

Original poster

GobblersKnob · 09/05/2012 12:47

It's at the other childs house, dd is not even a PFB, I have an older one who I would happily throw at anyone who would have him for a few hours. Dd is just so diddy and I hate the thought of her struggling to be understood.

OP posts:

Original poster

GobblersKnob · 09/05/2012 12:49

Do I mean reception? She is in what our school calls 'Foundation one' which is half days, then they do 'Foundaton two' which is full time, then they go into year one.

OP posts:

MyMelody · 09/05/2012 12:52

shes in nursery school then, foundation 2 would be reception I think.

I wouldn't be happy about leaving them at that age tbh, yanbu

savoycabbage · 09/05/2012 12:52

I had a party at home when my dd was 4 and there was literally no room for the parents. I didn't tell them they couldn't stay but I told them they didn't have to and most people didn't stay.

The ones that did sat on the sofa and they were in the way a bit. It made it all a bit like a play date rather than a party. I wanted to play musical bumps and pass the parcel and they were yammering over the top of it all.

Icelollycraving · 09/05/2012 12:53

Could you sit in the car outside? So,if she needs you & they call,you are there ASAP? Perhaps explain to the mum that she may have difficulty in being understood & are able to come quickly if she gets upset.

MyMelody · 09/05/2012 12:54

Although if its at the other childs house it should be fine, but I would be happier if it were a parent I knew better. I wouldn't leave them at a soft play or village hall at that age at all.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 09/05/2012 12:54

There were children who had just turned four in my reception class, it just depends on when the school has their intake.

I woudo send her but make sure you leave your number and say you won't mind if your dd gets upset and you have to be called. Maybe you coud ask her teacher how you think she will cope, as she probably has a good idea of how your dd communicates with other adults and children when you aren't there.

Seeline · 09/05/2012 12:55

I would check with your DD that she is happy to go. She will know all the other children and is used to communicating with them. If she is in a house she will be able to find her way round quite easily. I would imagine the Mum is fairly well organised and confident if she is actually asking other Mums not to stay IME most people want all the help they can get!! Warn her if there are any specific problems your DD may have with her speech - eg can she ask for the loo etc. Leave your number so that they can call if there is a problem but honestly I think she will be fine!

5Foot5 · 09/05/2012 12:56

The cut off point for me was when DD started "proper" school, i.e. what I think you are calling Foundation 2. When she was still at nursery like your DD I always stayed.

HandMadeTail · 09/05/2012 12:57

I always get annoyed when all the parents want to stay, particularly, as they seem to think their other children are also invited to the party.

However, if there is a specific reason, like allergies, or just being quite shy, I don't mind. Just speak to the mum, and explain. She will have your phone number, and perhaps you can arrange for her to call you if DD gets upset for any reason.

Original poster

GobblersKnob · 09/05/2012 12:58

Good idea about asking the teacher will do that. She got given the invite so is going to be really upset if she can't go. I don't think I left ds at a party until he was about six. If it was a Mum I knew I think I wouldn't mind as much.

OP posts:

mummytofive · 09/05/2012 13:10

my ds4 also has a speech disorder and is in fs1 also. I wudnt leave him.
But if its just a small number of children and your daughter knows them from fs1, then making sure the mum knows of your daughters difficulties and that she must phone you if your daughter gets upset would be a good compramise, thou if it was me I would be sitting in my car with my kindle in one hand and phone in the other!

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 09/05/2012 13:16

She will be fine...I had a little boy here to play and he has quite complex dfficulties including speech delay and just had to work a bit harder...he just carried on in his own sweet way. He was just fine and he also has physical challenges...his Mum is philisophical and determned that he does exactly what other kids his age do...

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 09/05/2012 13:17

I think you should mention to the Mum that DD might struggle to make herself understood and that way the MUm should take extra care to watch out for her...show her where the loo is right away so she needn't ask....and explain that should she need the loo she can just go without asking.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 09/05/2012 13:19

On 2nd thoughts, like handmade says...if you think she needs you then just eplain...a child my DD knows has a friend with ASD and her Mum ALWAYS stays as she might have a hard time with certain things. Nbody minds.

eppa · 09/05/2012 13:22

I don't think you are BU.

My DD is nearly 4 and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her at the home of someone I didn't know. I would probably even worry a bit about dropping her off at a friends house. They are still only little when they are 4 and could still have accidents, be too scared to ask where the toilet is become a bit overwhelmed etc.

I actually think it is a bit unreasonable of the mum to say that parents can't stay. It would have been better if she had said parents don't have to stay - therefore giving them the choice. Personally I always invite the parents as I actually don't like being responsible for a lot of very young children.

If I were you I would just say to her that due to your dd's speech problems you would rather not leave her on her own and is it ok if you come - you can always offer to "earn your keep" by helping out. If she says no to that then she is very insensitive!

SarkyWench · 09/05/2012 13:28

I just had a party for ds2 (4).
I preferred that the parents didn't stay, but one did because her DD was a bit more clingy than the rest. Was no problem at all. Just speak to the mum.

Pinkiemum · 09/05/2012 13:35

This is a little different but

My daughter was 4 in January she is a composite class at school (started school the day after she turned 4), she also does not speak the language of her class mates. She went to a party two weeks ago where she was the youngest by nearly two years, although she was a little overwhelmed at first, she had a great time. I certainly did not need to be there.

Could you not leave her but stay in the car for 10 minutes to see how it goes.

ragged · 09/05/2012 14:08

to me it would be about confidence & non verbal communication skills. If she wanted to go & stay then okay, and if not, then not. 3 of my DC have had speech delay, one would have been too shy to want to stay, one would have stayed but misbehaved, last one would have been fine and not embarrassed me in absence of close supervision.

EssexGurl · 09/05/2012 14:33

I think it does depend on the parent holding the party. If they are comfortable with looking after the kids at that age, then fine. But I still think reception is a bit young. Also, if I felt my child needed additional support, I probably would have told the mum I felt I should stay at least for the beginning.

I find that at my DS's school, it is still a mixture of stay/not stay depending on the venue. My DS went to a 6 yo party at Christmas, all the parents stayed in the bar of the sports centre and had coffee and a chat. We weren't actively involved in the party but could watch the action. At another one at a different sports centre there was no where to stay so I came home. Mums have my phone number though and could call if a problem.

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