to tell this family to get their dd to the coach themselves?

[Ingles2]

I'm pretty sure I'm being unreasonable... but am hurt, so am very close to texting this.
we live rurally, about 1 mile outside our hamlet, a couple of miles outside the village. Ds1 takes a school coach which stops in the village twice a day.
Since Oct I've being collecting a dd who lives in the hamlet and taking her to the coach and bringing her back again because the mother has a baby and toddler and I pass her front door.
I've done this happily, but recently I stopped the afternoon collection as ds1 and ds2 have so many clubs / sports it was becoming a chore to text this mother every day to say if I could or couldn't collect her dd.
Thurs night the clutch goes on dh's car, so I have to take him the 30 mins to the station with ds' at 6am Fri morn. Back home again I realise I've punctured a tyre so phone mother telling her I can't collect dd.
Bank holiday weekend and we also had a inset day yesterday, so first day back for ds1 today .
I stop at house for dd, mother comes out and says we didn't know if you'd sorted your cars out, so we've taken dd ourselves.
Fine...
but then I start thinking... hold on. Why didn't you text me then? why didn't you see if we needed help? I've done the school run for 6 months couldn't you have seen if I needed help once? I seriously feel like telling her to take her dd every day, but that is petty and IABU.. aren't I?

How do they take her themselves? Is it the dad who takes her in that instance? Perhaps you could cool off the arrangement or ask if they could reciprocate by doing at least one day a week where they can take and collect your son?

But surely if she's managed to take her DD to the coach herself, then she doesn't have to rely on you every day? Or you could share the school run between you each morning?

So, no, YANBU.

I'd have a chat with her now about changing the arrangements before you get so cross you end up falling out.
Simply say that as times are changing and your dcs are doing other things it may be best all round if she takes charge of her dd (to avoid mix-ups, confusions etc etc smile smile)

it's a blended family, so it's the SD who took the dd I think. Dad lives close too though. They are a local family so have lots of family nearby.. we're not and dh is in London every day atm so it's just me and dc's.
I don't want to put her out, she would have to come backwards to our house, but it just seemed so thoughtless ...

I agree with sixlosymonkeys externally, but inside I'd be fuming too so don't think YABU!

that's exactly it, sixlostmonkeys I am prone to simmering

It's not you that is putting her out. She lives where she lives, the coach is where it is, and things are what they are. It's not your responsibility.
It sounds like you will always be a good friend to have, but I would let her make other arrangements now to avoid things turning sour.

I'd send her a text today saying what sixlostmonkeys said-to avoid futue confusions, I think it might be best if we organise separate childcare etc

Maybe she'll realise it woujld have been at least common courtesy to text you to say you didn't need to stop at hers-that was really rude, let alone not offering a lift for your child. If she ever pushes you on the subject-tell her that would have been nice.

How will they get to school if you don't offer?

YANBU and it is really thoughtless of them. I wouldn't text personally, but next time perhaps mention that you thought it would have been a really nice gesture - given all you have done over the past 6 months - if they had at least checked you were okay doing the school run and offering to help if you still had car problems.

I would definitely cool it off a bit.

If you're passing her door then picking up her kids is a nice, but not saintly, thing to do.
In your shoes I'd be livid if she knew I was struggling and didn't offer to help out... but in her defence, you didn't ask her to help -I'd expect someone to ask me for help if they needed it.
Ideally you'd just have an up-front conversation about it, saying that you hadn't liked to ask but if she knew you were struggling why didn't she offer?

exactly, it just would have been nice to have a text.
I am tempted to tell her why I'm upset,... but that's probably just stirring up trouble.

... but her not texting is v rude.

I totally agree with you bumperella, it really isn't a big deal for me to pick her dd up, I literally pass her door.
But... she knew I was struggling last week, why didn't she check?
This is why I stopped the afternoon, because I was constantly texting my son to see if he was staying for rugby or cricket so I could text them with loads of notice and wouldn't let them down at the last minute.
I'm feeling resentful, I think.

She should have asked if you needed help with no need for prompting. After all the assistance you've given her, it was very rude not to offer in return.

A dear old lady used to say to me - never expect others to be as nice as you. You are a good person, a good friend. Whereas you would have gone out of your way to help (as you do already) it would never cross some people's mind.
If you mention it to her, it is unlikely she will apologise and do the right thing next time, rather, she will be defensive and things will be awkward between you.

Stop simmering , change the arrangements so that you are not run ragged, and carry on being a nice person.

you're right.. and actually I feel better for having a moan.
I'm sure I'll have forgotten it in the morning. Thanks everyone.

I would be too! That is really thoughtless behaviour and definitel needs some revising. I think I would say 'am happy to pick up dd when it will be a help to you, but there are occasions when it's tricky for me to get to the coach, LIKE YESTERDAY, so maybe we could have an arrangement where we can help each other out?'

Are you going to do/say anything to her about it, OP?