To think that it is not sensible to hand over £180 to a 14 year old every month as allowance/savings

[LaurieFairyCake]

They have recently updated the fostering guidelines which now state I MUST give this to foster dd to save/spend on clothes/spend on mobile phones.

Before this I saved some for her, gave her pocket money which doubled if she saved it and put £10 a month on her mobile - I also bought all her clothes using the allowance and if there was any left over (there very rarely is) then I gave it to her. I also used that money to pay for her activities - dancing/scouts/holidays etc.

I think it's bonkers to hand that much over to a 14 year old - and expect her to manage it correctly and buy school shoes when she needs them and save her clothing allowance for uniform and pay her £200 quid a term dance fees - why would anyone do that?

yanbu at all.

What is the rationale behind this stupid idea?

What a stupid idea.

Oh that's really stupid. Dd1 gets £40 a month to spend on dinner money, bus fare and any shopping she wants and she does manage that very well but she is an exceptionally mature and bright girl. I think if I gave her £180 and told her to factor in school shoes and drama fees in her case and uniform purchases she would crumble even so.

HAs your fosterdaughter got a bank account? With that and a spreadsheet and a lot of support could you help her manage things do you think?

I think it is a good idea to set up teenagers with an allowance and a bank account to learn to advantages of saving and the joys and pitfalls of spending.

But it doesn't seem like a good idea to do anything to make a foster carer's life more difficult, which I imagine this will. And I can't see it will improve the lot of the youngsters in care, tbh, if they end up spending it on crap and losing out on school uniform and extra classes. (At which point the stress gets dumped on the foster carer, of whom we already have far too few.)

Is this just in your LA area, or nationally?

YANBU (disclaimer I know nothing about fostering or teenagers).
Could you act as a 'bank' for her so hand over the £180 each month but sit down at the same time and say 'I'll look after x amount to go towards activities, x amount for uniform etc and then say you can manage the rest for pocket money/phone/non uniform clothes? and then as she gets older release more for her to manage.

It would be pretty difficult to manage as she hasn't got a cheque book so would be carrying £200 in cash to dance lessons.

I think the issue I have with it is that they seem to be trying to prescribe it whereas before they left it up to us to prepare them for adulthood by gradually giving them more and more responsibility.

I have no idea of the actual reason for it but I have a sneaking suspicion that they are trying to get us to 'save' for her out of the allowance as part of the change is that I must save £20 a week for her 'for the future' - as far as I'm concerned the cost of her is more than the allowance as she does some very expensive extra curricular stuff so there is no 'savings'.

Do you have to give it all at once? or can you give it out as required over the month? Or put it directly into her bank account for her to withdraw as required?

And make her understand that if she blows it all, and you have to sub her, it will have to be paid back out of the following month's money?

You'll have to make sure she knows all the things she will need to buy with that money.

It's a good thing, really. Children need to learn about budgeting. I think 14 is a good age to start being responsible for managing your own little budget - and dealing with the consequences of blowing the lot and having no bus fare for a month!

She could give you the £200 back for you to write a cheque?

I don't know about nationally, I've just had updated guidelines for my area.

This has also come with another letter stating that between 16 and 18 the child will be paid directly £80 a week and that the foster carers must charge them rent - the whole thing seems designed to make it more difficult and I've another suspicion that the whole 'child' in care is going to be taken away from 16 year olds so that there is no one to look after them

You can get her a bank account with a debit card (no overdraft!) if it helps. My DCs have the Adapt ones, just because they were easiest to open. You can get cheques if you ask.

From the title I thought you were going to be slagging off some acquaintance who gives this much to their DC If someone wants to do that, then it's their business IMO

but in fact, YANBU!

I think parents and foster parents should be able to make their own decisions about what is suitable to give to their children and what they want to pay or save on their behalf. It does not seem sensible to have a strict rule like this!

Oh and thank you for being a foster carer.

I did'nt even know that you got money for being a foster carer.

At 14, and as a child in care, there is no way I could have coped with that.

At 16, even less so. An I was one of the sensible ones. There would have been a LOT of alcohol purchased. YANBU.

How else are they supposed to learn to budget?

In two years time your foster child could be expected to fend for herself. And definitely in four years time as iirc you have previously stated that once she is 18 you can't afford to keep her on? Which is totally understandable and happens a lot in fostering, but surely you don't expect her to go from you doing everything to having to be independent including managing money.

Couldn't you open her a current account with a debit card, and help her set up direct debits to pay for the ongoing things such as phone and dance lessons? And take her shopping for school shoes when you know the money has just gone in? You can get accounts with debit cards from 14, my son has one from Santander and it is a visa debit (no even electron) and has online banking.

Learning to budget is a good idea. Learning at 14 (when the dc may have had other tough things to deal with) to manage a large amount of money and balance the immediate needs - bus fare - with the more long term needs - a termly bill when you're paid monthly and new shoes and uniform on an as and when basis, seems like a pretty huge ask to me. This is something which shuld come at the pace needed by the dc involved and imo the foster parents should be determining that with a view to making the child independant by the age they should be - 18.

Depends on the child. Dh got about that amount per month. His df worked out how much he spent a month on music lessons/travel/stationary for school/other expenses on him.+ a little spending money, and it worked very well. We're planning on doing the same for our dc when they go to secondary school. dd1 will manage very well next year. Dd2 could be more interesting...

I agree with scrappydappydoo. That sounds like quite a sensible way to do it. I too am a foster carer but many years away from having to help y/p with budgeting etc.

I do think the 'rule' is daft. SS seems to have this idea that they need to create a dummy independence so young people can manage when they go on to independence for real. IMO this does not work. Good parenting ( foster or otherwise) starts preparing children for independence from a very ealry age, mainly by good role modelling, lots of talking about what we do and why we do things the way we do and generally through instigating good discussions with children, raising their awareness.

Give some money, by all means, in order to help the child to START to LEARN to budget. But giving the whole amount whihc is to be used for school uniform shoes etc is a recipe for disaster. Who is going to pay when the young person does what many children that age would do, and spends heaps on music, makeup and cinema with none left over for essentials??? I bet it won't be SS....

That would be great if all foster carers were as caring and altruistic as Laurie sounds, unfortunately some of them are only in it for the money and i expecr social care have to make an Across the board policy to ensure that all looked after children are encouraged to develop independence.

've another suspicion that the whole 'child' in care is going to be taken away from 16 year olds

Not happening, don't panic!

That's crazy and it wont ever be happening in my house.

I agree children need to learn to budget (maybe foster dc even more so). However these are usually really troubled children and teaching the teenage girls I foster to budget is usually way down my "to do" list.

I'm usually far to busy teaching them that the man they are shagging is in fact a paedophile who wont keep any of his promises. Because when she reaches an age where sex is legal he will dump her and move on to his next victim.
Or persuading her that drink, drugs, self harming and persistant absconding are not the answers to her problems. Or as any carer knows a whole host of other issues that cause much more harm than an inability to budget.

Daft idea decided by people who have no idea of the issues these children face.

Laurie I would just tell them to bugger off and do what you think is best. What can they do?. There aren't enough FCs for them to argue.

Just read that back.
When I say it wont ever happen in my house I mean with the particular girls I look after. Obviously it depends on the child and their needs and ability to cope with large amounts of money.

I agree with Skinny.

If you are dealing with a really, really sensible child with no issues, who enjoys healthy activities and doesn't have friends who are a bad influence, then maybe. I still think they're far too young, though, to have to factor in everything they might need for the foreseeable future. It seems like a burden and I can see an anxious child would get very worried about it.

A lot of children in care aren't like that. Some do have friends who are a bad influence. Some would weigh up dancing and £200 to spend on going out and just go out instead. Giving the child the option doesn't necessarily mean they'll make the right choice.

So then if they do go out and buy a bunch of computer games or a vat of alcohol and have no money left, who is supposed to fund them? It's different if it's your own child; presumably you set up that system knowing they could cope with it and knowing you could afford to bail them out.

A part of me thinks that foster children at 16/17 might be on their own with nowhere to turn as independent adults and it might be helpful for them to have budgeting skills.

As a mother, just no. As the mother of over-privileged much loved teenagers, and actually quite sensible teenagers, an even bigger no.

DD, 14, has her activities paid and gets £15pcm pocket money and a £1 a school day.

DS, 17, gets £80 into a bank account, extras for school and a tenner from his mother too often when he needs it.

I pay for contract phones for both of them and each one has only ever exceeded the limit once.

We say no a lot. We are trying to make them understand the value of money and self discipline. If they make a real mess though, we will be here to mop it up which is the luxury I imagine many foster children don't have but what substitute is budgetary acuteness for missing love and fragile selves.