...to want to pour a glass of wine and cry?

[Datingagain]

DS (2.5) has just tried to simultaneously bite me, hit me, scratch my eyes and face and scream hysterically that he hates me for the last half hour.

After a day in which we've had a lovely (?) day out to an animal park with a picnic, to try and get over a weekend in which he behaved disgracefully at every point. I am blaming myself for this, because it was the first weekend DS and I had spent with my new (ish) DP. We tried to make it as easy and non-strange for him as possible - and new DP was lovely to DS. DS, in return, was horrible to new DP. I get that, but it's not just isolated behaviour.

He generally doesn't listen, he screams and throws things regularly, doesn't sleep and frankly, right now, I don't like him very much at all.

He screamed at another child in the park that he was "disgusting" - the other child had done absolutely nothing wrong.

I am (obviously) a single Mum, and although DS's Dad is around and involved (for which I know I'm v lucky) I can't help feeling that I am failing massively. I also have conjunctivitis in both eyes at the moment, am totally knackered and have a v sore back.

I know it's the "terrible twos", but please someone tell me this doesn't last long - and help me cope!

It doesn't last long, you've had a pretty stressful weekend. Take a deep breath and try to think about it logically, what causes it to happen, can it be avoided or if not how to handle it.

No one gets it right all of the time, aim for 80% and you're doing well.

Also keep trying to see the good things in him and focus on those, praise him when he is good, trying hard to do something and reinforce good behaviour.

Oh and have some wine later, with some choc.

Put him in his room for a few minutes to draw breath and do this everytime hi attempts biting.

Is hyperactive?

Is there no one who can give you a little break?!? My advice is to pack him off somewhere for a few hours, get some fresh air, have a nice bath, get a HUGE bar of chocolate, wash it down with some wine, then have some "time" with DP.
After a little break, and all of the above, you will feel ready to start again with DS....I have a little 2 year old insomniac little beast DD, love her dearly, dont like her alot and send you and a big hug xx

Oh u poor babe, u and he seem to have been through the mill and that's going to affect you both.

First of all don't blame yourself, for starters u have obviously 2 adult men in your life who care about you and ds.

It's difficult to help as don't know circumstances but GENERALLY in my experience toddlers need plenty of sleep and rest( have u tried controlled crying it just saved my life with my eldest ds) they also need quiet restful days in my experience so keep big treats to minimum as they can get easily overtired.

Firm but fair boundaries, praise and good diet.

All this sounds simplistic but have u read toddler taming by Chris Greene. Fantastic book and I raised my 4 on this.

Go easy on yourself and maybe see new partner on weekends daddy has ds so u get time together initially.

Toddlers can be vile tbh, it's not u, have a glass and a hug sent.

This phase doesn't last long, so things will get better.

IME, what toddlers need - especially young ones - is a very clear idea of what is going to happen next. Routine (not necessarily in terms of timings but definitely around the order things happen in), familiarity, and clear boundaries.

It isn't clear from your post quite how much of the weekend you spent with your partner, but perhaps it was too much too soon for your DS? He will be used to having you to himself don't forget.

Thank you all - you've made me cry! So tired and emotional (not usually like this at all) but has been tricky recently.

Thanks for all of your advice - so glad it's not just me. I don't know if he's hyperactive or not - I do know he's absolutely knackered most of the time (like me!).

He seems to be in that horrible in-between stage of needing / not needing his lunchtime sleep now. If he does sleep, he'll be awake until midnight, if he doesn't he'll be asleep on his feet by 4pm, then foul until bedtime.

But even when he's totally beyond exhausted - he won't give in and sleep, he'll fight it and fight it. Last night, had to put him to bed at 6pm as he was hysterically tired - but then he woke at 4am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Any advice on how you get over this gratefully received!

Also, think that DP was pretty appalled by DS's behaviour this weekend. Obviously his opinion is not my priority - and if he can't stand the heat, he can get out of the kitchen etc etc, but still makes me sad that I have raised a child who is so badly behaved, that it's going to put off someone who I actually quite like.

Bloody kids. Bangs head on kitchen counter

He isn't a bad kid, he is having a lot to deal with and that is on top of everything that 2 year old needs to deal with. See it from his point of view also and he probably cannot express how he feels verbally so its coming out in other ways. It doesn't mean that he can behave badly htough, but maybe try to get him to talk or try to reassure him that he is the most important thing to you.

All kids can be little swines at times, that is being a kid, is doesn't reflect on you, its how you deal with it that is important.

Try to explain this to the DP, I'm sure he'll understand, he sounds as though he tried really hard this weekend.

I just needed to send you a hug; my ds is 3 in July and last year I would of happily given him away...he drove me literally insane with all the behavior your ds has shown. However I bought supernannys new book, toddler training or similar and went back to basics and followed it to a tee, it took a good 6 weeks but I kept on and he finally came round. I'm not saying he is an angel but at least we can go to soft play or frankie&bennys without being completely drained and embarrassed.
My ds is very boisterous and doesnt know when enough is enough but the biting has stopped(thanks god for small mercies!), in fact we were meant to go to a friends house for tea today but it was cancelled as the other little boy didn't want my ds to come over :-( (but that's a whole other thread!) so we're still trying to get him to understand other children's boundaries but you know, I am doing the best I can and I'm sure this will pass but wanted you to know you're
not alone.

I would try to do one thing at a time. Personally I'd get sleeping
Nailed and then start on behavior, Rome wasn't built in a day!

Ps doing this on my phone do please excuse terrible English!

So agree with TenMinuteslate.

One thing at a time and I too would go for sleep, honestly give controlled crying a try, supernanny or Chris Greene, saved my sanity.

Thanks all - and totally agree that I need to get the sleep thing nailed, but to be honest, I just don't know how?

I will try to get hold of the books you all suggest, but in the meantime, he's in a bed - not a cot - and won't stay in it.

I reckon I could do controlled crying - but it hardly even comes to that - he won't cry, he'll just be playing / entertaining himself somehow.

So even now, for example, he's supposed to be asleep, but is out of bed reading books, or playing with something. I go in and regularly threaten him with all sorts, but he won't stay in his bed and bloody well go to sleep - and I don't know what you're supposed to do in that case?

Also, re the in-between needing a lunchtime sleep and not - how do you get around that?

Thanks again for all advice. Life now does seem a little more rosy, with a glass of wine and chocolate - despite knowing that he'll start kicking off again in a few hours, cos he's so tired and can't go to sleep...

Firstly I take my hat off to you as a single parent. 2 year olds are tough and without full back up that is serious hard work.

Just an idea about the nap issue. When my DS (now 3) reached this point I started encouraging him to have a "quiet time" in his room. He had 20-60 mins depending on the day and mood and would look at books, play with quiet toys, listen to a story CD. It just gave him (and me) some down time. It sounds like he is good at playing in his room. Maybe he will even start to understand this is his time to play, and bed time means staying in bed and going to sleep. Eventually.

Also if you are feeling the love right now I would recommend waiting until he IS asleep and tip toeing in for a peak. They are def at their best when sleeping like angels!

Good luck.

Mine went to bed and is now back up again....ive given up..... anyone?

Wine & chocolate...good girl!

My 2 are now good sleepers, dd is 5, and they share a room and I have kept to the same routine since last summer ( did I mention 6 weeks???!! It seems like forever...!) and this is pretty much how it started;
Dinner, gardenplay (trampoline to get rid of some energy) at 6pm
it's quiet time with milky tea (decaf!) and a biscuit or something whilst watching a quiet but entertaining DVD. 6.30 up to bath, both in jimjams, teethcleaned and the like by 7pm. The 3 of us sit on the bed under a warm blanket (airing cupboard!) and have a story. Then it's into bed/cot with super hot blanket (airing cupboard pipes!) and all tucked in. I then stroke their backs and sing a couple of ryhmes, v badly and felt like a right twat when I started doing it!). In the beginning I did have to stroke my ds for ages till he fell asleep, over time I reduced how much time I spent doing that. I'd still be in the room singing the alphabet really slow and quiet. Now over time it's come to the stage where we do the back stroke, 2 songs each and then I just say "ooops I've got to let the dog out/in, turn the oven
Off...." and get out the room fast. If ds plays up, I leave him to settle first, if after 10 mins I go back in say, it's bedtime, lie him back down and leave, thereafter I don't talk to him, I just keep putting him back down. That's very few and far between now though.

I have reward charts for Everything! That again, took About a month for him to be interested but he suddenly got it (4 weeks of me goi
G "oooooo look another sticker!!!" in a cheerleading voice only to be met with a shrug of the shoulders was rather disheartening but we got there eventually!

I'm with you Menroca - yes please, cheers! Doubt mine is asleep yet either - but at least is contained in his room! Hard work at the moment.

God I hate doing this on phone so sorry for epic tale / and shite English and random paragraphs!!!

Ps...bedtime is like groundhog day and makes my eyes water from the same/same-ness but they go down, they sleep and I'm in much better mood to deal with the 2 of them! X

Just seen your post Tenminutes - thankyou. Yes, am definitely going to start a reward chart and that idea of singing / stroking to sleep does sound like a good idea, because right now I have no idea if he is actually asleep or not - and I think that is part of the problem - he's just so tired all the time.

Thanks so much for your advice - and the rest of you - really thought I was going to crumble tonight, but you've all brought me round and I now feel a bit more enthusiastic and as if I have a strategy for tomorrow and the days to come (fool!) X

Dating why is he in a bed? DS2 won't be going into a bed until he can reliably stay there. I predict about aged 3.5!

oh and 2.5 is a nightmare age where you contain rather than anything else. By the time he is 3.5/4 he will be a dream

Well he's in a cot-bed Funnys - no sides, converted it from his cot a few months ago, as was worried about him trying to climb out and hurting himself. I have been worrying about whether I should change it back though tbh. Maybe I will, because he is not staying put at the moment at all!

Bloody hope so Funnys - I am really struggling to see the good bits at the moment. And yet I'm sure 3.5/4 will bring it's own challenges too! May well dig out the sides of the cot tomorrow though and see what happens...

Dating try the cotbed again, or if not put a stair gate on his bedroom door. I promise you that 18 months - 3 years are the worst, and you'll soon be seeing that lovely little boy again.

You do feel much better with a plan!!! Stay strong, it's a bloody battlefield! If you can get the book I highly recommend a trip to library or amazon x

Hello Dating. I became a single parent when my DD was 2.5 (she's now 5) and she'd started her terrible twos at 18 months... The only thing that kept me sane was a bedtime routine which was flexible in terms of when it started each night, but DD knew what was coming each night.

Each night we'd watch the same couple of CBeebies programmes (usually Night Garden and a bedtime story - if you can Sky/V + programmes then on nights you/your DS is more tired than usual you can start them early and give yourself an extra half hour of peace), then telly would be off and it'd be bath time. I had visions of lovely, relaxing bathtimes with just the two of us there but DD tends to burn off the last of her energy in the bath so they've usually been noisy and splashy. Then DD would get into bed and I'd read her a couple of stories and then put her radio on very softly. Radio 2 or Classic FM usually worked a treat, she seemed to love having a bit of company. Sometimes she'd stomp round her bedroom a bit but provided she stayed in her room I left her alone and she used to get into bed and to sleep eventually. DD took so well to her routine anyone could do it for her.

And then once she was in bed I had time to recover/plan for the next day and more importantly look after myself - baths, wine, Chinese takeaway delivered, chip butty, rubbish telly - whatever it took to cheer me up and feel like I'd pampered myself a bit. DD is 5 now and I still have ridiculously early nights every now and then when everything gets overwhelming! I hope you find something that works for you soon

I think this is normal behaviour to be fair, but i just wonder if he is a bit over-tired? It sounds like a very action packed weekend

It will pass