Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to ask if there is a divorce lawyer on here would be willing to take my case?

21 replies

exmrs · 07/05/2012 22:01

Brief summary husband has moved out after admitting seeing someone and now spends 6 nights a week there. This is his 2nd affair , 1st affair (4 years ago) he just moved out and refused to see son for 3 months and then came back and promised he would never do anything like that again. Son has special needs and stopped talking on his first affair 4 years ago. Husband being a total arse only wanting to see son for 3 * 1 hours so 3 in total as he doesnt want to give his weekend up as he does a sport with this other woman at weekend. I have begged him to see son more as son doesnt know what is going on and his behaviour has totally changed and he loves his dad.
Told husband i would be getting a divorce but now he says he wont admit adultery as he has to protect himself and the other woman. He also wont admit to living there.
Im on benefits, husband doesnt earn a lot but is there someone willing to help me through this

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 22:05

Sorry to hear that

But really you need to book a consultation with a Solicitor

Some of them do a free half hour consultation so you an explain everything

Not sure about legal aid as it keeps changing but if you're on benefits, it's quite likely you'll get it.

Good luck

xxmush1983xx · 07/05/2012 23:14

What a shit, sorry to hear that, he's being really obstructive! You should qualify for legal aid, look for a solicitor who offers a free initial consultion, they should give you an idea of what legal aid will cover

iscream · 07/05/2012 23:16

Call legal aid.

marriedinwhite · 07/05/2012 23:21

Sorry to hear that. I don't know anyone who wouldn't charge a fee. Can you get to see your local CAB to get initial advice?

Original poster

exmrs · 07/05/2012 23:22

So there is still a fee even if im income support? God i can see me being married to him for ever

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 23:40

No I'm sure you won't have to pay a fee

Google Solicitors in your area

sensuallettuce · 07/05/2012 23:44

It much cheaper to wait 2 yrs to get divorced on legal aid. You only have a certain amount of money and if you go on unreasonable behaviour it can get pricey go and see a solicitor who does 1/2 hr free consultation and get a separation agreement. You will never be able to make him see your child more than he choses to though.

bogeyface · 07/05/2012 23:50

He doesnt have to admit to adultery, you can still divorce him on those grounds (claiming all costs) and name her in the petition so she is also served and will be jointly responsible for the costs with him. This is because THEY destroyed your marriage, not you. If he decides to fight in then it will cost him a fortune, he will probably lose (especially if you have or can get anything in writing from him admitting the affair, texts and emails count) and have to pay your costs too. You'd be amazed how often "I didnt have an affair" turns into "Its a fair cop guv" when they are facing a bill of thousands.

If you are on full benefits then you should be able to claim legal aid.

I would book your free half an hour and see where you are after that.

bogeyface · 07/05/2012 23:52

Oh, and I hope you are already in touch with the CSA. He has to pay %15 of his income for one child and this isnt taken into account when calculating benefits etc so you should be better off and may be able to afford more.

You dont need to be divorced to claim that, but do claim spousal maintenance in your divorce, as you looking after his SN child full time is your job and allows him to swan off doing what he likes.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2012 23:53

Yes and don't forget, if you're not entirely happy with what your Solicitor says....you can book a free half an hour with another one.

Shop around and ask around for recommendations.

DonInKillerHeels · 07/05/2012 23:57

You don't need a lawyer at all to get divorced, though if it's going to get nasty you would be advised to get one. My XH and I parted in a civilised (if not exactly amicable) fashion, and because we had no children, agreed from the outset to split everything 50 50, and waited the 2 years for a "no fault" divorce.

Neither of us used a lawyer, and we split the court costs. In total I spent £150 on my divorce.

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2012 00:01

Don that's the best way

It's what my Sister did because their kids had grown up

But as you say, it's not really likely that the OP's ex is going to play ball here

Sadly once the Solicitors get involved, the whole thing can turn nasty and of course the longer it takes the richer the Solicitors get.

Morloth · 08/05/2012 00:37

You need to start getting everything he says in writing, everything, try to mostly communicate via text/email etc.

It doesn't sound like he is going to make this easy so you are going to need a lawyer.

It is shit, such a betrayal, but you can't change him, only try to rid yourself of him as much as and as quickly as possible.

izzyizin · 08/05/2012 01:10

You can ask for general advice and recommendations for solicitors in your area on the Legal board.

These days it's unusual to petition for divorce solely on the grounds of adultery or to name the other party as co-respondent and, in such circumstances, it's customary for the aggrieved spouse to seek divorce citing unreasonable behaviour.

If you can agree on finances and child care/contact arrangements, there's no reason why you shouldn't proceed to divorce online at minimal expense. However, he will need to provide an address for service of your petition.

If you can bear to wait 2 years from the date of your separation you will be able to apply for a 'no fault' divorce providing he consents. After 5 years separation, you can divorce without his consent.

From April 2013 a large proportion of family law advice will be removed from the legal aid scheme and for this reason you are best advised to seek a legal advice sooner rather than later.

thatisall · 08/05/2012 02:43

I don't have any advice other than that which has already been given, but just wanted to say, what an absolute arsehole!

I hope you are ok op and I'm sure that in the long run your ds will be better off without this man living with you.

I agree with previous posters who say you should try to communicate via email and text (maybe get him to admit something??) it isn't always the best way of resolving issues, but this isn't really a situation that can easily be 'resolved' and having proof of what was said, by whom and when is never a bad thing should lawyers get involved.

Good luck x

izzyizin · 08/05/2012 03:56

With regard to your dh's behaviour, you might find it helpful to post on the Relationships board where others who've been where you are now, and come out the other side, will hold your hand and get you through it.

Original poster

exmrs · 08/05/2012 08:16

Thank you everyone will be going for free consultation today, i really feel so betrayed that he has turned so nasty to protect himself and other woman

OP posts:

babybarrister · 08/05/2012 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cwtch4967 · 08/05/2012 08:43

I divored my ex on the grounds of his adultary - he agreed not to contest it and I in return didn't name the other woman in the court papers, "adultary with un named women". Cost us about £150 in total - we didn't use a solicitor.

He may see sense when he realises it's going to cost him to fight it...........

FlangelinaBallerina · 08/05/2012 09:12

If you're on income support you'll be passported for legal aid. It's automatic. The advice would be free whether you petition based on 2 years separation or unreasonable behaviour. It's true that the solicitor only gets the same (exceptionally low) fixed fee for both, but they can't tell you they'll only do work up to a certain value on your case. A solicitor can only give you legal aid if they have a contract to do so, and if they don't have the contract they aren't allowed to offer it.

Dawndonna · 08/05/2012 12:19

Does your son get DLA? Are you getting Carer's Allowance?

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread