To be mightily hacked off that DH never sorts what time we are meeting people / people coming over until last minute?

[Ouchdownthere]

When organising social get together with his friends DH only ever agrees the day. Time of arrival / meeting always left until day of meeting and often subject to change at short notice.

Not a problem when it was just us but with 6 month old bottle refusing bad sleeper I can't cope not knowing what is going on until it's almost upon me. DH just taken DS out and I thought I had three hours until first friend arrived, he's just told me he'll be bringing one back with him in two hours. After 6 months of no decent sleep every minute I get without DS is precious and rather than settling down for some sleep I am now fuming that, yet again, the plans have changed and I've lost an hour I thought I had.

WIBU to think he could have just sent them a text yesterday to confirm plans? They are very much his friends who I like lots but not on texting terms with.

Chin up sweetie. I know you're not his secretary but maybe instead of falling out with him (not the best course of action when you're sleep deprived and fragile) why not discreetly remind him the day before or that morning to drop his mates a text?

He probably doesn't realise that he's being insensitive (I hope!)

Totally get it Ouch. My DH is exactly the same. And I had a poor feeder as well and I hated feeding her with an audience.

I just used to go about what I was doing. So if the friend comes back early, I would just greet them really cheerily and then say I was going to lie down or have a shower or whatever and leave DH to deal with it.

He is now - slowly - coming round to the realisation that it it much easier to be more organised.

We used to be very ad hoc people with social arrangements: it's a hard adjustment to make, but for the best I feel!

You don't have to wait to be TOLD when this friend is coming over. Get on the phone and tell your DH that you are going to bed and will set the alarm for three hours time, and don't want to be disturbed. He can go to his friend's house or they can go for a coffee or something. How old is your baby?

My DH had a tendency to be like this, so I sat him down and explained that actually I quite like to know what's going on in my own life. I honestly started to feel like I was a piece of furniture, always there, with no desire to do my own thing, ready to receive at a moment's notice. It is so rude not to let other people know about plans in advance, especially when those plans actually impact on the other person in terms of how much work they can get done or how much precious sleep they can fit in. I wouldn't put up with it. I got so fed up with it that a few times I just made up my own "plans" on the spot so I wouldn't be available. When he got annoyed I just said "How come you can do it and I can't?" He got the message fast enough.

In your case I would have said, "No I won't be ready then, you can't come back before such and such a time." He can't just push you around as he sees fit.

Am liking all these suggestions but which one to go for?! Shall I finally find my MN balls and stop allowing him to be so flaky? It would take an age for his to chin to be picked up off floor if I called him and told him nit to come back.

I just know I am too bloody weak / pathetic / passive agressive to not do that. Instead I'll bottle it up and just rage it at him the next time it happens.

DS is 6 months, his difficult sleeping and my inability to never be more than a couple of hours away from him always hit hard at these milestones! It will pass, it will pass, it will pass.

Am so glad I posted, thank you for all your thoughts so far. I am going to explain this to him. And for once in a calm and rational moment. I don't want to be difficult I just need some control over my life.

There, simple, no raging, no ill feeling harboured and onwards we go. Until the next time......

Just tell him not to come back! You don't have to be angry about it, just ring him and say "DH, I really need some time to relax, could you just hang out with your friend for another hour?"

YANBU. DH does this all the time and it drives me mad.

We were going out with his family yesterday for dinner. I'd asked several times over the previous few days what the arrangements were but he never clarified.

So I assumed it would be around 7pm. DH at 5pm says to me "are you getting changed". I say "yeah going for a shower in a bit". He says "we're meeting them in half an hour". It was going to take us 20 minutes to get to the place.

We were very late, and I made sure they knew why.

Thank you Cailin, have called him and told him not to come back for a while or they will find me in bed asleep.

tooeasily I feel your pain. They live on a different planet.