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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that ds1 should be a bit more grateful?

13 replies

COCKadoodledooo · 07/05/2012 09:27

And gracious in how he responds to things? Or to be worried that there's something else going on with him and I have nfi what it is?

Ds1 is 8. He absolutely loves cars and he's seen an advert on the television for live motor racing this afternoon on Motors TV. I hear them mention it's from Castle Combe, and realise we can get there in reasonably quick time. Ligthtbulb goes on. (I didn't mention it at the time as wanted to check with dh first).

This morning when he gets up I say "Hey - you know that racing you want to watch this afternoon? Well how about going to see it live?" And for a fleeting second his whole face lights up.

And then he crumples. Almost to tears. And out come the excuses and the "I'll go if I have to, if you want me to" kind of statements. And I have no idea why.

I ask if he's scared of anything. So far he's come up with what if a car crashes in front of him and he gets hit with debris, and there'll be lots of people there so he's bound to get lost, and that he doesn't want to go in the paddock to meet the drivers because he's too shy.

They sound like completely freakig ridiculous made up reasons to me. I don't get it. I'm pretty sure if I'd had an offer like that at his age I'd have been thrilled, and that certainly appeared to be his initial reaction.

I'm pretty incredibly certain he'll love it if he goes. WIBU to make him go anyway?! Would just be him and dh btw, ds2 too small to go.

Gah. I dunno. I'm just a bit worried about my boy.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 07/05/2012 09:30

Hmm that seems a bit of a strange reaction.

Has he seen a film or something where people get hurt at a race track (I saw a final destiantion recently that had some graphic scenes of a car crashing at a race track and people getting killed by flying debris)

Is there any chance he could have seen something like this at a friends house?

Sorry -if this is a bit of a left field response but the film just stuck in my head with his first comment

squeakytoy · 07/05/2012 09:31

Is this a one off, or has he been nervous and panicky about things like this before.

Has he ever lost you in a crowd or been scared by big crowds before?

nameuschangeus · 07/05/2012 09:32

No answers on this one I'm afraid but just wanted to say that my ds1 is the same. He's 9 and his natural reaction is to say 'no' to everything.

It is a nightmare and causes endless arguments but I find if I make him go to things against his will he always enjoys them and is embarrassed if we remind him of his initial reaction.

My sympathies OP but I think I'd coax him along and am willing to bet he has a great time.

SecretNutellaFix · 07/05/2012 09:33

Does he have racing games on a console at home? Does he watch rallying on television?

Maybe set some rules with him and Daddy on what to do if they get separated, do you have a spare mobile phone he cold take to call if he gets lost?

FallenCaryatid · 07/05/2012 09:33

Mine loved aeroplanes, so I took him to the Eastbourne air show and he totally freaked out because of the noise and the crowds and the stress.
Watching on TV is very different to being thrust into the heart of it.

Proudnscary · 07/05/2012 09:39

I think it's normal for dc of his age to be fearful - I remember being terrified about stuff just from hearing or seeing something on TV/radio that freaked me out. Keep asking him, talking to him. Definitely do NOT go on about him being more grateful as he will feel misunderstood and alienated - he's not being rude, he is processing the world and finding some of it scary.

TartyMcFarty · 07/05/2012 09:42

YABU to expect an 8 yr old to be gracious about anything!

COCKadoodledooo · 07/05/2012 09:58

Tarty Grin Feared I may have been pushing my luck there!

Thanks for the responses. Squeaky he does occasionally react in frankly odd unexpected ways to stuff, but very rarely. Crowds have never bothered him before, went to Bournemouth Air Show last year with no issues at all, plus on Saturday we were at the local village fair (doesn't sound much but attracts 20,000+ visitors!) and he was happy to wander off alone, though always in sight.

Catgirl he's definitely seen crashes, but as far as I know never seen anything like he says he's afraid of. He's probably heard it mentioned though that it happens.

Nutella good ideas, thanks, if we can get him there!

Proud thanks. I understand what you're saying. I haven't directly said to him that I think he's ungrateful, but I shall make sure I don't now. He knows dh will be disappointed if they don't go though!

Fallen I take your point, but like I say he's been fine with noise at air shows and stuff so no reason to think that's what's worrying him.

And finally thanks to Nameus for letting me know he's not the only oddball! Your ds sounds very similar indeed!

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 07/05/2012 10:02

Bournemouth air show?

Do you think he heard on the news about the pilot who died? and it's been bothering him since?

igetcrazytoo · 07/05/2012 10:18

some children are just more fearful - I should know I'm a grown up version now. Can't help but catastrophise (sorry spelling?) everything. Dont' know why I do it - drives my DH mad.

Try and get him to focus on the fun things and what nice things will happen, make sure you resassure him he'll be safe and you will be there. What other people take for exciting and thrilling can be overwhelming.

But you're right he'll probably enjoy himself once he's there -

manicbmc · 07/05/2012 10:21

9 is the age of the irrational fear. He'll be imagining all kinds of bizarre scenarios.

Just get his coat on and go. He'll love it once he's there.

ToriaPumpkin · 07/05/2012 13:58

I agree with manic When I was 9 we watched The Witches in school. For years I was convinced, every time my parents went out and left me with a babysitter that they were going to die in a car crash.

Mumsyblouse · 07/05/2012 14:08

I would think about what he's normally like.

If he's normally a bit fearful, doesn't like change, I'd encourage him to go and just get on with it.

If, like my two, he's usually very enthusiastic, then I'd wonder if he was ill or just wanted a day in for some reason.

I hate 'surprise' events even if they are great things to do, it's just the way I am (glad my children aren't like me though!)

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