To feel guilty but relieved about this.

[tightwad]

We go off every easter on holiday with another family. Have done for the last 6 or 7 years.
Always in England, Haven that sort of thing.

me, dh & ds 8
them, pal, her dh, dd aged 5 and ds aged 10 who has got behaviour issues, assessed for aphergers, adhad.
The last 2 holidays have been very very challenging all around this boys behaviour. Its kinda full on, whirlwind and difficult becuase all plans are according to his preferences and needs.
This was ok, we fitted in without fuss, and over the years have got to know him well.
I adore him, he is my Godson and i love him tonnes...not so much what comes with him as it is very challenging and can be draining but he is bright, funny, very loving and sweet

Pal phoned today to say she wanted to book next year early. Its going to be aprox £350 per family for one week.
We are having the bathroom done and have bought a caravan so cant afford that as well.
DH has said that he would rather not go away with them for a few years as the boy has been very hard work the last couple of years, dh says that he has not enjoyed these holidays.

soooo, i told her that we couldnt afford it.
Feel bad as she really is a fantastic mum and i feel a bit like im turning my back on her a bit.
Oh cant explain very well, but feel really really guilty for feeling relieved that we are not going away with them.

gonna get lynched here i know.

Was going to read and run as don't really know if I can help. This is a really tricky situation. I'm always in favour of being honest and direct with people but in this case, honesty about her son would probably just hurt her feelings and not be constructive. I think your little white lie about money is the kindest, nicest thing to do. I think it shows you're a good person to feel guilty but I think you're doing the right thing so don't feel too guilty

There is some good advice on here already - perhaps you could arrange some weekends or overnight stays so you can enjoy some less stressful holiday time together. Why not go for a day out at a theme park (if costs allow)?

Also, I would talk, as kindly and tactfully as possible, to your friend about the rough rugby tackling. That can't be nice for your son and it would be better if she could work with her son on stopping it.

But the parents seem oblivious that the rugby tackling/rough play is an issue not just to the op's son but to other people that her godson comes into contact with

Actually sotilltomorrow we had an open and frank discussion about the challenges with them when we returned last year.
I admitted to her that i found it incredibly difficult..but added to that how much of a fantastic mum she was and how much i admire her for coping so well with it every day, day in day out.
Hats off, truly truly fantastic.

She was not offended by this at all. She knows how i felt. This is testement to how strong and deep routed our friendship is.

Sounds to me like you may have had some bad experiences?

YANBU - your holiday has the primary purpose of relaxing you and your family.

Let's hope your Godson develops a thing for scrabble/pictionary or some other non-contact pasttime you can all get involved in

He is scrumptious. Gives the BEST hugs e.v.e.r.

If they don't stop their bigger ds hurting your smaller ds that's not on, SN or no, especially if it's happening on a much looked forward to, costly holiday that becomes a stress rather than a pleasure. They could test the patience of even family and very good friends that way. Dc1 is friendly with a pair of siblings who have undiagnosed SN and they come and play after school once a week, but it wouldn't have been possible a few years ago as they were both so aggressive, even with my younger dcs, but parents and school have worked very hard on their social skills and they are much improved.

I don't think you should feel guilty, the danger is that resentment could build up and it go all pearshaped, plus it sounds like it would be a financial stretch.