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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In expecting those with children to use designated areas in gym changing room?

59 replies

Xenobia · 05/05/2012 16:56

I like some peace when using the gym and choose to use the (smaller) area of the changing room that is requested as child free. Today I summoned much courage to mention to a mother with a young child that she was in child free section and I received abuse and was dubbed a child hater. I wonder whether she would mind me swimming in baby pool or parking in mother and baby spaces? Am I wrong? Please tell me - I don't want to become an ageing misery! (I do have children but they are in their 20s)

OP posts:

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 05/05/2012 17:39

No, YANBU. I would never take my child into the 'child free' area. Except maybe if the other area was so rammed that I physically couldn't find a space to use in it. In which case I might, but I would know I was being naughty and would be if pulled up on it, not aggressive.

ABatInBunkFive · 05/05/2012 17:41

I don't think it matters, the same as it doesn't matter if the child free person was super quick getting changed in the family room.

There was a larger area that could have been used yet they chose to use the one place it was asked that they don't. Unfortunately some people are like this i bet when they didn't have kids they got changed in the family cubicles.

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2012 17:46

If it says 'child free' that is fairly self explanatory isn't it? It presumably doesn't say 'child free except children whose parents think they are well behaved'. Why do people need to go against the rules all the time?

Debeez · 05/05/2012 17:51

For me it matters in the context of OP being unreasonable or not. I want to know if the kid was being a little monster or if she objected to changing next to someone short without a mortgage ;)

Don't get me wrong, I don't abuse P&T spaces, I don't use family facilities when I'm alone, but I do objected to being heaped in a big pile full of parents and their kids when there's somewhere quiet on offer for us to go. It's like those bloody library sessions with the singing and loud stories, avoid like the plague, libraries are quiet, peaceful places and we go when there's no activities on.

Again, if DS was not displaying a high standard of behavior or we were asked to leave we would go without comment.

It does say "child free" but maybe she thought she'd get another to take home with her ;)

Debeez · 05/05/2012 17:54

Ah blinking smiles . Must preview message next time!

youarekidding · 05/05/2012 17:58

YANBU. It's a child-free area it should be child-free. The same as people here have said they'd expect family changing rooms, baby changing rooms and also disabled changing facilities to be left available for those who need them.

Although I am sometimes when I go swimming with friends and they search for family changing rooms as they need one. All our children are 6-8 yo, why do their mothers needs to dry and dress them? Don't get me wrong DS (7) would get me too if I would but he is old enough to go into his own cubicle and do it himself leaving larger group/ baby changing facilities for those who need them and don't just find them convenient.

Scuttlebutter · 05/05/2012 18:08

OP, you are definitely NBU. I would hate this. I've had very unpleasant experiences at a gym where children made loud, pointed comments about my cancer scars. Changing in an adult environment is one way to avoid that. And no, I don't think it depends at all on the child's behaviour. An adult space should be respected as such. In the same way, I don't use P & T spaces, family changing rooms or hang around play areas.

Darkling · 05/05/2012 18:15

It annoys me when I take my toddler DD swimming in term time and there is a school using the swimming pool at the same time (its a large pool, there is a separate area roped off for the school's use but all changing facilities are shared). There are only two large changing cubicles at my pool too but for me space isn't the issue, it's the fact that they have those toddler chairs that fold down from the wall and have a harness to strap the child in that are a benefit, it means I can get changed in peace without having to worry about DD running riot and trying to unlock the door and escape (really wish they would put the lock out of reach of little fingers in the family cubicles) and it gets on my nerves when I have to wait ages because groups of girls from the school are using it together so they can gossip and giggle while getting changed, I have thought about asking one of the teachers from the school to have a word with the pupils about not using the family cubicles but they never seem to be around when it is happening.

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2012 18:18

The best one for me is the school run Mums (and we are talking High School) park on the bit of the car park that says 'Coaches Only' in two foot yellow lettering. What is wrong with people?

Original poster

Xenobia · 05/05/2012 18:19

Thanks so much for all these views. Really helpful. It is a gym with a pool and I think the children tend to be there to use the pool/swim lessons. The child was not badly behaved. What struck me was the support I received from others after I had spoken and two who voiced frustration that despite plenty of space elsewhere in the changing room we were made to feel like the baddies just because we wanted to the in a child free area. They were sort of scared to say anything. How weird is that? I've picked up this type of opinion a lot of late - especially in restaurants - and was keen to find out what people think. Thank you all so much for, in the main, not making feel like a completely sad person for wanting some peace and quiet!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2012 18:20

Well I would feel the same as you, and I have children of 10 and 12.

Figgygal · 05/05/2012 18:24

I don't think context matters either in terms of childs behaviour if it says child free then she should have respected that.

ENormaSnob · 05/05/2012 18:29

Yanbu

TalkinPeace2 · 05/05/2012 18:36

YANBU
When my kids were little I respected the child free area
and changed in it when I was not with them
now they are big I value it
however there are ways and ways
Mums really should know how to read, kids who hurtle in can be 'encouraged' back out without upsetting people
and in my time I've held other peoples (strangers) babies while they battled with tantruming toddlers
its all give and take

DPrince · 05/05/2012 18:36

Op I got given a weekend away for my birthday by dm and df. Just for me and dh and they are having the kids. We are purposely looking for somewhere for adults. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to nit be around other children. Me and dh have not had a child free night in 4 years. I want a 'grown up' weekend, if i was going to be surrounded by kids i would rather take my own.

DPrince · 05/05/2012 18:38

Oops, my point was you are not sad for wanting some quiet time.

OneHandFlapping · 05/05/2012 18:42

If it happens again, try wandering around naked a lot. If that doesn't work, start ostentatiously drying your muff post shower with the hair dryer (as witnessed by another MNer).

The errant mum will soon get fed up of answering, "What's that lady doing?" type questions.

TalkinPeace2 · 05/05/2012 18:45

Onehand
there used to be a lady at our gym who were were sure had had a sex change - it was the only reason we could think of that she checked her bits in the full length mirror by the TV
EVERY DAY
and my kids always commented on those who'd had full wax ....

balancingfigure · 05/05/2012 18:45

YANBU as long as you asked nicely (which I'm sure you did) as I have only very recently noticed the quite small sign at my gym/pool changing rooms that say children have to be one side. Hope I haven't upset too many people changing with DD the 'wrong' side but I'm guessing they hadn't noticed the sign either.

And while it wouldn't worry me I can understand how mainly quite well behaved DD could embarass people with her 'look at that lady's feet/t shirt/boobs etc' type comments! :o

AmIthatbad · 05/05/2012 18:47

at Onehand

You are definitely not BU and as others have said, the context or the behaviour of the child is irrelevant.

If it's child-free, then it is child-free. Not sure how anyone could argue otherwise

ChaoticismyLife · 05/05/2012 18:52

YANBU If it says child free it should be child free, behaviour is irrelevant.

TidyDancer · 05/05/2012 18:57

YANBU. They have these areas for a reason.

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2012 18:59

Sometimes IMO parents see the signs and instantly want to challenge them because their little darlings shouldn't be denied going anywhere they like.

DilysPrice · 05/05/2012 18:59

I'm slightly baffled by the concept of child-free areas of a changing room, never seen them myself. Is it motivated by an epidemic of loud "Mummy why is that lady deformed?" questions (which I can see would be upsetting, but am surprised it would be that common) or is it a way to bypass the perennial boys-with-mum-in-the-ladies problem?

Apart from All Bar One, some holiday cottages and cinemas showing specific films I can't think of many defined "no children" spaces at all.

TalkinPeace2 · 05/05/2012 19:03

Dilys
at my gym, the ladies changing room has 6 "bays"
one of which is adults only
another of which is marked "for children"
the others are free for all
Mens (according to DH) has two adults only
and there are separate family / wheelchair changing

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