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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a little impolite?

24 replies

GiserableMitt · 05/05/2012 14:56

I went our for lunch with a couple of guys today. The three of us are all different nationalities and all speak English. The two guys both have the same first language however.
Several times during the meal they started conversing in their own language while I sat there without a clue what was being said. We were the only adults present.

Part of me thinks that maybe sometimes it's easier for them to speak their own language and if they wanted me to know what they were saying they would have said it in English and the other part thinks it's quite rude and excluding - almost like whispering.

OP posts:

madmouse · 05/05/2012 14:58

Yes, very rude. dh and I are not British and we came over here originally for dh's job. There were others in the company speaking our language but we had clear rules about only speaking English as it is very inconsiderate to others, plus it gives you a horrible paranoid feeling if you think others may be talking about you.

CallMeAl · 05/05/2012 14:59

They might have fallen into without realising, its easy to do if you stop concentrating, or start talking about something that is relevant to your home language or country.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/05/2012 15:03

Depends - how good is their English? If they were reaching for words it's understandable, but it'd be polite to apologize when they do it IMO.

Did you let them know you found it disconcerting/excluding?

ENormaSnob · 05/05/2012 15:04

Yanbu

SerendipitousHarlot · 05/05/2012 15:06

No, YANBU. It's rude.

I used to be engaged to an Italian man, a long time ago. He and his friends had been in England for 10 years plus - they had barely managed to learn the language, purely because they just conversed in Italian all the time, whether they were with English people or not. Rude.

ChitChatFlyingby · 05/05/2012 15:08

YANBU - next time just say 'Erm, excuse me, non X speaker over here. Haven't a clue what you're saying...'

lisaro · 05/05/2012 15:17

This happened a lot at a part time job my oldest son had a few years ago. The people concerned were born and bred in the UK so no excuses re not speaking English properly. They were told to stop as it made the others very uncomfortable. They sadly tried to pull the race card but fortunately it didn't work. But that is bloody appalling.

ledkr · 05/05/2012 15:17

How rude! A couple of Russians did this to me whilst on holiday,spoke over me at the bar about me as well. I speak Russian told them to shut up,you should have seen their faces.

Original poster

GiserableMitt · 05/05/2012 15:21

No, I didn't say anything, and I know I should have done. Both have to speak English for work as none of us live in the UK (nor in their home countries) so their English is of a good standard.

One of the guys would not start speaking in his mother tongue but would reply (his English is impeccable). I suspect the guy who started talking was discussing what he's been doing since he split up from his partner (who's also a friend of mine) last month. The one he was talking to will tell me anyway

OP posts:

Original poster

GiserableMitt · 05/05/2012 15:22

ledkr I do wish I spoke their language and could have chimed in unexpectedly :o

OP posts:

MissCeliaFoote · 05/05/2012 15:22

YANBU it is incredibly rude. I would never do this.

Original poster

GiserableMitt · 05/05/2012 15:26

We did have similar a few years ago at a Parent's Association. We were a fair few nationalities but it as an English speaking school and English was the language used in the meetings.
There were two ladies of the same nationality and one would always address the other in their native language. the second lady would never reply in anything but English, which I took to be a sign of respect for the people she was sat around the table with.

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Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 05/05/2012 15:44

Yanbu it's rude and frustrating.
Ds1's bestest friend in the whole works speaks almost no English although he is learning so fast.
His mum speaks English well and she often had to communicate with her ds in their own language but repeats to me or ds2 in English.
They are so lovely and ds1 tries to learn words in their language too (he is just 6)

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 05/05/2012 15:52

That is very rude. Ledkr somethIng like that happened to a friend of my mums, she was sat on a train with 2 japanese men who were talking about her (mum wouldn't tell me what they were saying) and when she was abou to get up to leave the train she gave them what for in japanese, they were both very and

perplexedpirate · 05/05/2012 16:51

It is a bit rude. When my friend worked abroad she went out for drinks with some workmates and they were all speaking English despite having a mix of languages between them.
One man had far too much to drink and said something VERY rude about her in his language. Unfortunately for him, she had learnt all the swear words first (of course) and she and several others understood exactly what he said.
The shit it landed him in was immense, in fact I can't remember whether he actually lost his job (it was very, very rude).
Not saying that that is what these people were doing, but sticking to a shared language would avoid this sort of thing.
Unless you swore at them in English I suppose.

Original poster

GiserableMitt · 05/05/2012 16:55

One word I did recognise in their language was "dickhead".

Ironically it was the ex of the newly-single guy who taught me it :o

If they do it again I think I will make some sarcastic comment bring it up.

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GnomeDePlume · 05/05/2012 16:58

It is possible for this to happen by accident.

Shortly after we moved back to the UK from the Netherlands DD1 was walking home with a school friend chatting away. She noticed that he had stopped talking and was staring at her like she had suddenly grown a second head. DD1 then realised that without thinking she had slipped into Dutch. The poor lad probably thought that she had been taken over by aliens!

LindyHemming · 05/05/2012 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 05/05/2012 17:10

You should have pulled them up on it.

I lived with 3 Spanish girls once and it was horrible. The two that were bilingual would bitch in English about the other one and then speak Spanish when I was in the room.

It's rude, no matter what they were saying.

BBQJuly · 05/05/2012 17:18

YANBU. Yes, it's rude.

MissCeliaFoote · 05/05/2012 21:10

I think it is possible to slip into the other language if you're bilingual, Gnome, but not really to have any sort of conversation - I'm bilingual and I think I'd realise after the other person replied.

DuelingFanjo · 05/05/2012 21:55

not rude at all. yabu.

EllenParsons · 05/05/2012 22:06

YANBU. It is really rude. In an international group it is only fair to settle on a common language and not exclude anyone.

MrsKevinBridges · 05/05/2012 23:08

I am so impressed at the phrase "a little impolite" rather than the usual expressions of "height of rudeness" and "appallingly rude" that seem to be bandied about on mumsnet recently over any and every minor transgression.
YANBU by the way, it is rather impolite.

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