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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up?

13 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 05/05/2012 12:50

This may possibly be the most convoluted thread in the history of MN but I will try & keep it brief so please bear with me.
After my husband & I first got together we moved into a rented house together, it wasn't perfect but was in a lovely area, right on top of the beach, off main roads, I loved it. My husband and his brother inherited a house that needed renovating (needed total gutting which he'd already started so house totally uninhabitable). He & his family persuaded me (with him) to move into his grandmother's house & pay rent there to pay for her to live in a care home whilst he finished renovating the house. The house we moved into was still full of his grandmother's things (even clothes still in the wardrobes) & frankly is dreadful...mould on the walls, artexed walls, fluorescent strip lighting everywhere. Anyway, he promised me we would only be there for 6 months so I figured I could put up with it.
Fast forward a bit, we have now been married over 3 years, have a 2 year old & the house STILL isn't finished. Husband spends every evening & every weekend working on the house while I look after our son. Grandparents have him Sunday afternoons which is my time for sorting out housework etc.
I know that when we move we will be incredibly lucky to have a house without a mortgage, but AIBU in getting fed up with waiting? Husband has made so many promises about when we'd be moved (before we married, before son was born etc) that part of me isn't convinced we'll ever move.

OP posts:
drinkyourmilk · 05/05/2012 12:54

I understand the frustration (looks around at the building site I live in).
However renovating an entire house is incredibly Labour and time intensive. It would take a firm months and months to do it, and your husband is trying to sort it in.his free time.
Can you arrange a bit more childcare so you can help him?

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/05/2012 12:56

YANBU. How can it be taking so long?

Pickgo · 05/05/2012 12:57

Why don't you make a start on some of it in your free time to hurry it up. Get one romm done so you can move in.

fuzzysnout · 05/05/2012 12:57

If he's there every evening & weekend then there's not much more he can realistically do to make it quicker. From your post it sounds like he's doing his very best. With that in mind YABU however YANBU to feel a bit fed up & wish it could happen sooner.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2012 12:58

It sounds as though he's doing his best.

I know nothing about renovating houses but even I know you can't put a time on these things.

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/05/2012 13:00

But if you are paying rent then it's a false economy to keep paying rent while your DH slowly renovates the house. It would be far cheaper to get a company in to get the house to an inhabitable standard so you can live in it and finish the work while there. The money you would save on rent could then invested in your home rather than wasted.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 05/05/2012 13:55

How can they have inherited the house if grandma is still alive? And what's in it for his brother and their parents? Are they thinking that you will rent and renovate then when grandma passes on, sell up and share the money around them, or at least pay out a half share to brother? I don't understand what/why you're getting out of this. Wouldn't there be tax/capital gains/inheritance issues too? Surely, for the price of a nursing home (to be blunt) you could have a mortgage or rent somewhere lovely. It sounds more like the family are using you and your husband to get the work done, save the house so it can be sold and give them profit later, and you also get to pay for grandma's home for however many years. (I don't mean to sound like I wish grandma ill or anything! Just that's how it looks from an outside unemotional practical pov)

nickelhasababy · 05/05/2012 13:56

it's a different house, Pom

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/05/2012 14:00

good point pombear, just noticed that it is the OP's DH and brother who have inherited the house.

So when it is completed it will only be half your DH's and half his brother's. None of this makes any financial sense. 3+ years to renovate a house that could have been done much more quickly and sold or rented out. In the meantime you are renting a home you dislike.

Thumbwitch · 05/05/2012 14:04

Sooo - when this house is finished, are you planning to move in? And then what happens re. the brother's half of the inheritance? And what happens with the grandmother's house?

Sounds like you're living in limbo, which is no fun at all - sorry for you. Have you sat your DH down and really had a chat with him about realistic timescales? Because if not, I think you really should. Get a proper action plan and try and get him to stick to it. At least then you have an end point in sight!

Babylon1 · 05/05/2012 14:25

YANBU to want to be moved in ASAP, FGS I remember my frustration at it taking DH 3 days instead of 2 to install a power shower!!

YABU if you're giving your DH grief over how long it's taking, if he is doing his best with the time he has available, but I do understand your frustrations, really I do :)

Chin up, just think how nice it will be Shen you do move in!!! Xx

Original poster
MrsHelsBels74 · 05/05/2012 17:47

Ok let me try & clarify slightly. Husband & brother inherited house from aunt. We're living in husband's gran's house. His gran has died since we've lived here so we're paying nominal rent but all our money is going on building supplies for the renovations. Husband's father owns 1/2 of the house we live in & the other half is split between husband & his brother. The final plan is for husband's father to gift his 1/2 of where we are to his sons & then they will effectively swap equities so husband will own all of where we're moving to & his brother will own all of where we are. (confused yet?). At the moment I feel a bit insecure as his parents seem very reluctant to actually proceed with all these legal bits & I am having to trust their word that they will do it. Having been divorced once I'm a little worried about not having anything in writing. Also am frustrated as if the house was legally ours we could borrow some money against the house & get all the renovations done. Not ideal but we're talking borrowing peanuts against the value of the house. Husband promised me we'd do this 2 years ago but it still hasn't been done & I can't really put pressure on his family as they're all really stubborn & dig their heels in if pressed.

Is anyone still there? Wink

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 06/05/2012 00:40

Ha. Sounds like a shit situation, too many promises, not enough action and then the whole "If you push me, I'm not doing it" bollocks.
I hope it works out for you and no, YANBU to be totally fed up with it - I would be too!

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