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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More of a WWYD if you were my DH...

75 replies

ellangirl · 04/05/2012 18:11

My DH is a manager in an office. Whilst looking for some information he needed he came across emails sent between two members of his team, and quickly realised they were of a personal nature involving massive hatred and criticism mostly of him, but ask of other members of staff. They include personal nicknames for office staff, criticism of how lazy people are, how he is rubbish at his job, how lazy I am because I don't work etc. they call people all manner of names incl lazy bitch, Cnut, tosser etc. what should he do? These date back 2 years or so, and could in theory be seen by anyone in the office s they were not deleted ...

OP posts:

Ratbagcatbag · 04/05/2012 19:32

Ok, I think as a manager he has to report this, it's awful and they need reprimanding for what they have said.

I would take copies and then forward to the HR team, asking them to deal with it.

I email a couple of mates at work, we never ever ever call anyone names, ever!!! Work email is not private if the company want to look at it and use it.
Something like having a pants day at work, or struggling to get stuff done, etc fine, I might even say someone really wound me up today, but would never name them in an email!! DOH!!!

Original poster

ellangirl · 04/05/2012 19:36

I know, it is really stupid of them! In one email they even say that they need to remember to delete them as they are being really bitchy and instead the bloke moved them into a public folder!

OP posts:

Teeb · 04/05/2012 19:38

I think they should be looking more so at dismissal really. Gross misconduct of staff resources, bullying of colleagues, sexual harassment perhaps. Totally unacceptable behaviour and I hope they get dragged over hot coals for it.

Hope your husband and you are okay, they are just very stupid.

Eglu · 04/05/2012 19:44

Just for the sheer stupidity of putting them somewhere public I would definitely go to HR.

It is not appropriate to do that in company emails. They deserve all they get.

ImperialBlether · 04/05/2012 19:47

Why is your husband worried about them finding out he has told HR about them? They are guilty of gross misconduct and he isn't. They have said some disgusting and personal things about him. He hasn't said anything like that about them.

He'd be within his rights to say he doesn't want to manage them any more. They have made their disrespect for their manager and for their colleagues quite clear.

ChronicToothAche · 04/05/2012 19:52

Yes, I would go to HR with this. Horrendous behaviour and I would think that dismissal would be the most likely outcome.

AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 19:54

Is it quite a big office ellen?

If it is that could explain why they were so lax about deleting, because they thought the risk of the emails being found was so small it didn't prompt them to be extra careful.

Was the move to the public folder accidental do you think?

It made me think it could have been intentional and they enjoyed the kick of it being public but not found - but that's an extreme thought I know

Original poster

ellangirl · 04/05/2012 19:55

imperial because we live in a small community, round the corner from one of them (lets call him the follower) and I would see his wife at toddler groups etc. In actual fact he only manages one of them (the leader so to speak) so he doesn't even know why the other one is so against him too!

OP posts:

Noqontrol · 04/05/2012 19:59

I'd go to HR and also print them out just in case!

Original poster

ellangirl · 04/05/2012 20:01

Agent it is quite a big office, but they work in a small section of it sort of a bolt on to the main business. I now understand the reason the emails were in that folder is that there is a protocol for how to organise emails, so emails relating to each client should be put in client folders. The 'leader' is not great at putting emails in the right place, so he has emptied his inbox into an unsorted folder rather than do the job properly. My DH needed information about a client, couldn't find it in the client folder, so looked in the 'leader's' unsorted mail to see if he could find what he needed. The titles of the emails in question prompted him to read them, and it went from there.

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 04/05/2012 20:03

This happened in a place where I worked. It was taken to HR who got the two staff members' PCs checked.
The emails were only part of much worse mis-use of their computers, and they were both sacked.

fussbucket · 04/05/2012 20:03

This is reminding my why I left the office work environment and set up on my own! I think your DH should pass this lot on to HR, they sound like they're (a) toxic and (b) incompetent.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 04/05/2012 20:04

Definately HR, that is way beyond a bit of moaning. Imagine if some of the other staff had seen?

SmethwickBelle · 04/05/2012 20:15

Company email isn't up for abuse but your DH might have to have a cast iron reason why he was digging back two years to look at these particular emails (presumably what he was looking for was unrelated to these exchanges).

I think in many companies there is a level of privacy accorded to company email - clearly not as much as personal emails - they could say it was a private conversation that clearly wasn't work related but was also none of his business.

They sound deeply unpleasant though, so hope he and you get the matter resolved with the people in question.

ImperialBlether · 04/05/2012 20:25

So does this bloke's wife work then? I'm staggered they are criticising you for not working. What the hell does it have to do with them?

Original poster

ellangirl · 04/05/2012 20:32

Both wives work, although one is on maternity leave. It is hurtful to bring me into it as well as I have never met them, but I have no wish to start a should mums stay at home or go to work debate

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 04/05/2012 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 20:49

I can see what you're saying TSC, but you can't ignore the old line of 'well that's their fucking lookout'.

They made the choice to type the emails and not get rid.

Why should the OPs DH suffer because of them being such wankers?

Are you saying you think he should ignore the fact that he's seen them?

TheSecondComing · 04/05/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teeb · 04/05/2012 21:18

I really don't think the op's husband should concern himself with other peoples twattery to be truthful TSC.

ClaireDeTamble · 04/05/2012 21:20

ellangirl - I've pm'd you

TSC - so be it - they should have thought of that before misusing company email to slag off their colleagues and manager.

AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 21:21

I suppose the DH could see it as passing on the responsiblity for their fate onto HR.

Whether they're sacked or not wouldn't be up to him.

Does anyone at the firm know he's seen the emails, or is there any evidence on his computer of him seeing them? If so, could he be taken to task if he doesn't report it?

ClaireDeTamble · 04/05/2012 21:23

You can't manage someone effectively if you know they are slagging you off, you have to deal with it and they have to know that you are dealing with it - the longer they get away with it, the more respect they lose for you as a manager and the harder they become to manage - other people in the company and the company itself would then start to suffer.

It breeds a poisonous atmosphere between colleagues which is never good for performance.

Figgygal · 04/05/2012 21:28

Not sure where people have got the idea that big bad HR will fire them .......

HR are there to support managers manage their own staff!!! unless the managers are completely ineffectual Its not actually their decision what happens to people. Geez.

ToothbrushThief · 04/05/2012 21:28

Report them to HR and let them decide. You cannot undo knowledge of the mails. Far better to bring it into the open and deal one way or another

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