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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried about this or am i just being precious

19 replies

oimoomoo · 04/05/2012 11:58

Have posted in teh Nurserys part of the forum but thought id get more replys here and some "straight up" telling.

Im a first time mum and my ds is 2.5 years old, I put him into a nursery which seemed lovely and he seemed to like during the visit. I don?t know where to start:

The first 3 times he went running in and sulked when i picked him up (he had never been away that long from me before) he seemed to love it - the nursery also said they do not have settling in sessions so i just had to leave him.

When i went to look around they all had pegs with their name in the hallway and parents were able to go through the door into the play room to drop off/pick up, now we have to leave them in the hallway (with a staff member to take them through).

He doesn?t have his name on the peg as they wait 6 weeks before putting his name on, which has lead to him coming home in wrong nappies,( have spoken to nursery and it seems to be sorted, as does the him not being told where to get a drink from) he also doesn?t have a red book (to tell parents what they have done that week etc, and i don?t know how we see it as we don?t go in the play room)

there is more but the thing that worried me is the last 2 sessions he screams and cries and try?s to climb up me and never wants to go in, he cries from the morning as soon as school is mentioned, and the last 3 times i picked him up he has been upset this is slowly getting worse.

he came home 2 days ago and has been hitting me and when i say ?no that?s mean? he says sorry, but yesterday he said "big boy hit me" (the nursery don?t have separate room so all ages are in the same room) he keeps saying ? hit my arm, and head no like school?

I rung the nursery this am (he doesn?t go today) but the manager said, i can?t say it hasn?t happened but no one has mentioned it to her and I wouldn?t be told anyway unless it resulted in a injury.

Does this sound right? does it sound like he has just had a bit of a meltdown as he realised he is going - I know kids may get hit at school, but should he be so upset he was crying this morning as he thought he was going?

I know this is so long but I?m looking to see if I?m being over protective and kids all go through the crying loads stage, i don?t know if i should take him out or not? i spoke to nursery who said tell the staff member in the morning to keep an eye on him (the don?t have key workers) thank you if you got through the end of this...
so AIBU to change nurserys?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/05/2012 12:02

Does he have to go for childcare reasons?

Sorry, but it sounds like a free-for-all and not somewhere I'd want to send a baby/toddler.

AngelWreakinHavoc · 04/05/2012 12:03

Did You read the thread the other day about the FIL and nursery? I can see this tread turning the same way.

I did not comment on there but I think if your son is as distressed as he sounds do not send him back there.

No child should be put in a situation where he is scared and I would want to know WHY parents are not allowed in the main room. Sounds very strange to me.

havingabath · 04/05/2012 12:04

They sound dire.

Mrsjay · 04/05/2012 12:06

It sounds a bit disorganised i know your son is just there but I think you need to monitor whats going on and move him , I would say his sulkiness is he is cross at you for leaving him though , just see how it goes and if you are still unhappy move him elsewhere ,

treadwarily · 04/05/2012 12:07

I wouldn't expect to receive an incident report unless my child was injured. And they do hit each other all the time quite a lot, so in that respect it does sound normal to me.

It also sounds very normal that he loved it for the first few visits and then, when he cottoned on the fact it's a regular thing, that he is protesting. Another few weeks and most children are through this patch.

What sounds weird is the peg and book business, and not being allowed in the door. What is that all about?

A good nursery will get on side with you to help your child settle so you should be fully informed about settling procedures and feel confident that you are able to ask questions.

CalmaLlamaDown · 04/05/2012 12:09

Go with your gut feeling - personally i wouldn"t have liked all ages in together, neither would my son

Vixxen · 04/05/2012 12:10

The place sounds like a chaotic nightmare. I've never heard of a nursery that lacks settling in days OR keyworkers. Place sounds pretty shoddy and it sounds like the staff and manager havent a clue!

Get him into a better nursery and check it out thorougly!

SarahBumBarer · 04/05/2012 12:13

I would never put DS in a nursery where I could not walk into the playroom and observe him (after appropriate security checks). I would also not be comfortable putting DS in an environment where the age differences was too diverse.

DS has occassionally seemed upset at being left at nursery but this is always after a change in routine (eg where we have been on holiday and he has got used to being with DH and I and just needs to settle down again) but never seemed actually unhappy at being dropped off (even when upset he still skipped into the playroom and it was only as I was leaving that he got upset).

YANBU to change. I trusted my instinct when I chose DS's nursery and would trust it again if ever I felt uneasy.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 04/05/2012 12:30

I think YANBU. I don't like the idea of being expected to leave my child in a hallway.. I would want to see where they were being cared for.

The whole place, as you describe it, sounds horrendously unprofessional and totally haphazard.

LucyLui25 · 04/05/2012 12:34

i replied to your post in nurseries. Just thought i'd add that mixed aged settings do work really well- however they require a hell of a lot of planning, time and dedicated staff, otherwise its chaotic and not benefical to anybody.

GateGipsy · 04/05/2012 12:35

what everyone else said. YANBU. Go with your instincts. We turned down the closest nursery because they wouldn't let parents come in at any time to pick up their children. You had to phone before hand and wait on the door. The nursery we did pick charged more, but you were given a code for the door, and you could pick up your child an hour early if you wanted without needing to make prior arrangments. All handovers took place in the playroom.

thebody · 04/05/2012 12:35

Totally agree treadwarily.

He should have a key worker (EYFS) why no peg name? also never heard of a nursery where all age groups are mixed

hackmum · 04/05/2012 12:38

Take him out! Why put him somewhere where he's unhappy?

Am I the only person to be shocked/depressed by "And they do hit each other quite a lot, so in that respect it does sound normal to me"?

ifherbumwereabungalow · 04/05/2012 12:40

My DS was in a nursery where all ages were bunged in together. I knew he cried when he got dropped off, but they only told me he was upset all day after him being there for about 2 months!! I ended up having a stand-up ding dong with them for not telling me, and moved him to a different nursery where there were separate rooms, and a great deal more structure and reporting back. He loved it, and I will have no reservations about sending my second there, when he puts in an appearance... A few tears at being left are understandable, but I think you know that something is not quite right here.

VodkaJelly · 04/05/2012 12:52

My son used to go the schools after school club which was housed in the nursery. That too was joint ages and it seemed a lovely environment, nothing was hidden and you went into the actual nursey to collect the children.

My son (who was 9 at them time) was always in the baby/toddler room, helping to feed them and read them stories, when it was time for him to leave he would always have a gaggle of toddlers clinging onto his leg not wanting him to leave!

If you gut instinct is that something is not right and your son is unhappy then change nurseries, you dont get a second chance with their childhood

AngelWreakinHavoc · 04/05/2012 12:54

I have just re read your post and this jumps out at me ( have spoken to nursery and it seems to be sorted, as does the him not being told where to get a drink from)

Surely they are 'given' drinks? Asked if they 'want' a drink etc throughout the day?

He should never not even on his first day not know where to get a drink.

I really think you need to get him out of there, Please do not send your little boy back there it sounds an awful place x

BeauNash · 04/05/2012 12:55

It's normal to be fine the first few days then have meltdowns, so I think that needs to be separated from the other issues. No settling in days seems odd.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 04/05/2012 13:16

I would go with your gut instinct. You know your child best.

Something seems to have upset him now he doesn't want to go in.

And I don't think the mixed ages is a good idea. I feel kids need relevant play and learning for their age.

Maybe look at a few other nurseries? And see how you feel about them.

My ds1 got upset at the first nursery we sent him to. They had CCTV we could log in to and see what was happening but he just didn't like it. We swapped nurseries and he settled immediately. And loved every minute.

If it was me I would view other nurseries

Original poster

oimoomoo · 04/05/2012 14:08

Thank you so much, he will not be returning to that nursery. It seemed fine when we went to look but things seem to have change and they get the drinks from a water machine, so they have to go and get a cup and then get themselves a drink (am sorry cant remember who asked) but they didnt show him where it was.

I had the feeling i never want to send him back there as he is distressed and things seem "odd" but needed to check being the first nursery and child that i wasnt over reacting.

Brilliant thank you all so much and rest assured he will not be returning to that nursery.

OP posts:

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