to not want to take 4yr old neighbour on 5 mile walk

[lola88]

today i am taking ds in his buggy and my niece (5) a walk to a town 5 miles away it's a lovely walk along what used to be the road between 70 years ago through the fields over the burn dn walks this no problem we get an ice cream and take the bus back.

My neighbours son plays with dn and wants to come they asked his mum (without asking me) and she said yes the thing is the little boy is a nightmare walking. I once took him a mile up the road to the park with her he constantly ran away then started to lag behind and refused to walk home because he was to tired i had to phone his mum to pick him up. If he can't do a mile then how can he do 5? Plus we walk along the side of the burn which has very high banks it's very shallow but a big drop with lots of stones in it.

The little boys mum sometimes takes dn to play area with her and i often take him to the park so it would seem wierd me saying no but i can't be responsible for him falling in or running away i certainly won't be leaving ds in his buggy to run after him and can't carry him with the buggy. His mum doesn't walk anywhere so he's not used to it but since it's through the middle of the fields she wouldn't be able to pick him up if he gets to tired.

How do i say no without sounding mean?

YANBU - just tell the Mum that they asked without checking with you and that you don't feel you could safely control all three kids - if you're feeling generous you could ask the Mum to come along too so it's her problem when he runs off/gets tired etc

Just say to her that it's a long work and you can't be responsible for three children. Tell her she is very welcome to come along if he DS really wants to come

a long WALK

I think you simply need to tell the mum that you think it will be too much for him as he's not used to it. She knows she's had to pick him up before, it sounds like that might be difficult if he sits down in in the middle of the fields. If she still wants him to go with you, make her come up with a workable solution to that scenario!

Its a shame for kids if their parents don't walk - maybe you can gradually train him up but 5 miles is too much for a 4 year old who isn't used to it.

Hope you have a lovely walk with your DS and DN

YANBU. If you like the child's mum why not say you're worried it might be a bit far for him so it might be better if she comes too so they can turn back if necessary as there isn't a "pick up half way" option. If she does the "oh he'll be fine" thing you'll have to just come straight out and say it's too many children to supervise by yourself, maybe offer an alternative trip to the park or something if you want to sweeten in.

I'll never forget the time I took a friend's 4yo on a country walk with my DS. She was an absolute nightmare, whined constantly then flatly refused to budge when she got tired. She was too big to carry and these were the days before everyone had mobiles! I had to be really horrible to her in the end and basically walk off telling her that if she didn't follow she'd be left by herself; absolutely awful thing to do to a small child (especially one who isn't yours!) but there was just no other option to get her back.

Just tell her sorry, you can't take him, that you have your hands full with 2 kids.

It doesn't actually matter whether she minds or not (she may not give a toss) because ultimately it is you who is doing the walk.

It'll be fine