AIBU to change my mind about working for someone?

[GlendaGoose]

After being made redundant (all OK, redundancy pretty much covered remaining mortgage) I decided to freelance as a way of earning some money and keeping myself busy.

I currently have two small jobs and enjoy both. About seven or eight weeks ago a friend of DH asked if I'd also work for him, he was in the process of getting rid of his current person (due to alleged/suspected fraud) and needed someone new. I said yes at the time.

Since my initial meeting with DH's friend nothing more has happened, I see him quite frequently in social situations and it's never again been mentioned directly to me although I get the odd message from DH saying things like 'friend has nearly sorted out getting rid of other person so you'll need to get a laptop and software sorted'.

I've now realised that the friend is incredibly disorganised, not overly keen on professional women and likely to try and communicate with/instruct me via my husband. I will hate this, especially the communication via DH.

AIBU to change my mind and when he finally gets everything sorted just say 'sorry, things have changed, I'm no longer available to work for you'? If I say no, DH and friend will both think I have let them down.

I can't help but feel guilty that I could be leaving him in the lurch, but OTOH the only reason I'm awake at stupid o'clock is because I was worrying about this.

If you font want to do it then you need to say something as soon as possible.

I think you'd be better off telling him now, before he comes to you saying 'Right, all sorted, you can start on Monday', that you're no longer available - say some other work has come up that you can't turn down. Then he will have more time to look for someone else.

Tbh I'd think you could easily get over the friend's tendency to communicate via your dh, just by asking your dh to tell him to speak to you directly. But maybe the other issues are enough to put you off (I don't blame you, you're obviously not desperate for work so you can pick and choose the work that suits you best). I don't really see why your dh would feel let down, I'd have thought he would be more likely to be annoyed with his friend for messing you around.

Have you thought of approaching him and saying "I will follow through with our agreement and work with you but on the understanding that I work with YOU, and not via DH. Our professional relationship must be kept entirely separate from our private relationship as friends and as friends of friends"

Lay out the conditions of your employement and explain that it is for a trial period. If he is not happy with those terms then it is his choice. In my opinion it would be unreasonable to back out completely at this stage as you have already agreed to do the work. If you start and it doesnt work out then that is another matter entirely. Having said that it would not be right to conduct your afairs via dh.

Thanks.

I think I've been avoiding it in a 'hope it will all go away' sense.

You're right, I need to contact him as soon as possible and let him know that I'm no longer available. It's all very close to home though, he will know that I'm lying if I say I've got other work.

only4tonight I really do appreciate what you're saying and that's why I'm feeling so guilty about it.

Thing is, the thought of working with him is now keeping me awake at night, I really don't want to do it.

I know that's bad of me and I really shouldn't have said yes in the first place but I can't help the way I'm now feeling.

Could you say you didn't realise he wanted you to do it long term so maybe you could just fill in for a couple of months while he gets someone permanent?